09-15-01 @ 10:18 am EDT

My anti-killing post did not go over well...several people responded kindly, but the one who has been making most of the comments I find hurtful, she whom I still respect, even now, responded also...I can't begin to paraphrase at the moment, I hurt too much. She seems to have based my entire person on the one small fact that I disagree with her on this issue. She demanded that I offer a better solution than war. She told me that if I was so damn sensitive, I shouldn't read the posts, since it wouldn't be "healthy."

Before, she was always one who never believed in the "If you don't like it, don't read it" mindset...how does she suddenly believe it now...and how can she tell me to avoid it, when she has also judged me as not being a good person for avoiding the issue of needful combat...what am I to do? Avoid or not avoid?

I never said I meant to offer a solution...I never said she was not entitled to her opinion. I never said she was wrong. All I wanted was to be able to log in there one day and not have to see all the ranting about spineless bleeding-hearts and how their soft-pedaling will bring about our ruin. We can't read the future. She can't know this for certain, that war is the only way. Perhaps she is right. But I know I don't have to deal with this disrespect. And now for her to miss my point completely, when I clearly said what it was...

There is another there I was overjoyed recently to see had joined the site. I know that he is close to her, and I haven't heard from him in ages. I thought he had forgotten me. I was so glad to see him back, the same way I felt when I saw she had joined.

I feel that I lose her respect, then I lose her. I feel that I lose him as well.

I feel that I lose everyone, just for opening my mouth and stating my mind. They always told me not to keep silent, that keeping silent is as bad as anything else. Why, when I decide to follow this advice, does this then happen?...

I feel I have lost everyone. With the people I respected the most now free to disrespect me...I feel there is no longer any hope.

There is no emoticon appropriate enough to express the grief I feel at this moment... -_-

--She who should just have remained silent, as always