10-04-01 @ 3:25 am EDT

Two lines kept popping into my head just a little while ago.

when all dreams are gone
in the September dawn

God help me but I finally paid attention to them and tinkered around a bit...now I have sixteen lines to a song about what happened in September. Yuck. I NEVER write poems or songs or fiction about real tragedies that have happened, because I always feel false and guilty doing so. Like I'm saying, "Hey, look, I pretended to feel all angsty and WROTE something about it, come here and pay me some attention and LOOK!" Yuck.

I often cringe when reading others' poetry and such about the same matters. It's not that it's BAD...I just feel icky that others have "exploited" the situation in a way. I realize that's probably NOT what they set out to do...they're just sharing their feelings via writing, the same as I do, only in a different format. There's nothing wrong with this, as long as attention isn't the ONLY thing you seek.

But I have to wonder if other writers ever feel the same way penning something, just this icky, should-I-even-post-something-this-trashy-no-matter-how-nice-the-rhyme-scheme-is feeling. A SONG about something like that. It feels awful. Who would even want to sing it?

I've got what little I have so far saved on site, just so it's saved, and it sounds to me like something Radioactive might come up with...I haven't written any songs for them in ages...but I really wonder if I should even bother finishing it, much less posting it. Why does it make me feel so icky?