09-23-01 @ 7:37 pm EDT

I think I'm getting carpal tunnel in my LEFT wrist now, from constant Control+C and V. It's starting to hurt. Damn it, how am I going to fix this? It took months to recover my right wrist. And I don't have a brace for my left wrist!

Just reaching up to make the exclamation mark hurts!

Well, the bruise on my hip is healing and doesn't hurt anymore. <:( Why don't these things last? So I tried the bridge of my right foot. Again. It bruised very strangely--hope I didn't burst anything--and it hurt a bit, but NOT ENOUGH! It's like my feet have become numb to the pain. I'm running out of options. Where do I hit next?

This is so frustrating!

I got close to completion of the "Architecture" section of the Apsiu worldbuilding exercises. (Still have to finish Part 37. Be patient, dammit!!) Here's something that REALLY, really bugs me, though. The WB exercises I selected had no sort of "Sex & Relationships" category so I wrote some questions of my own. Thing is...should I answer them...they'd get really graphic! Yes, I even came up with answers to THAT particular aspect of the worldbuilding project. The Apsiu race is very developed in my mind. They even have their own words and language for the activities referred to. But I'm SUCH A PRUDE!! Some of this stuff gets pretty graphic and I'm leery of sharing it. I've NEVER shared anything like that!! I'm ashamed that people will even know that such ideas came out of my mind! So what do I do when I get to that part of the exercise? Water it down a lot? (How much?--there's one very important thing that seems like it would have to be mentioned, but I'm too embarrassed!!) Omit it completely? (*sigh*...a shame, really, since some of their sex rituals COUGHCOUGHCOUGH!!! are good at describing who they are.) Or post it in its incredibly embarrassing entirety? GAAAHHHHH why did I even have to go over that part of their culture!! I'm so embarrassed. I don't have any idea what to do. The Sex & Relationships exercise isn't until way down the line, but still, it bothers me...I kind of wish I had somewhere where NOBODY would know either me or the Apsiu, where I could post it just for feedback, to see how awful it is or not.

Do you know what? I wish I weren't such a prude. Because I have written...things...*cough*...that I bet a few people would like, but prudery keeps me from posting them. So nobody but myself shall ever see them. Ho-hum.

I still wish I knew what to do about this Apsiu thing though!! This will bother me forever. Why do I have to be so humiliated?? I KNOW there's nothing wrong with sex. But I always feel like there's something wrong with me talking about it!! ((o_o))