10-06-01 @ 7:19 pm EDT

More from I Hate You--Don't Leave Me:

CRITERION 3: Affective instability: marked shifts from baseline mood to depression, irritability, or anxiety, usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days.

The borderline undergoes abrupt mood shifts, lasting for short periods--usually hours. His base mood is not usually calm and controlled, but more often either hyperactive and irrepressible or pessimistic, cynical, and depressed.

Somebody once told me I might be bipolar. I was flattered and intrigued that someone would "diagnose" me (I don't know...I think I like carrying labels to "excuse" my behavior, why else am I posting these entries anyway?), but I couldn't agree, and asked her to "prove" it.

She pointed out how my mood just kept jumping all over the radar; this was following a severe depression I had fallen into for several days. It turns out, I think that was related to hormones, but it was still awful, and I don't get that way every month. I tend to get depressed in a SNAP, and while I can't immediately get back out, it usually doesn't last for days. (Unless I've REALLY been upset, as I was recently...I cried so long and so hard...)

Anyway...after a few hours or a few days, she said, I would veer toward the other extreme and would appear cheerful and creative and such. (I don't do this as much, but I think it occasionally shows here in this journal, at least--aren't there at least a FEW entries where I seem to verge on manic?) Then seemingly out of nowhere, down I'd go again. Up and down like a yo-yo, to use a horrid cliche.

Anyway, I debated with her a bit until she finally said, "I guess not, you don't seem to be bipolar." And then I was disappointed that she'd given up so easily!! -_-

I still don't believe I'm bipolar...their moodswings seem to last longer than hours, even for rapid cyclers...so it's something else. I KNOW that this turmoil is not normal.

(Yes, more junk, just look for it later on in entries entitled "Snippets." My attention span is really short today, but more on THAT later.)