12-21-01 @ 2:51 am EST

Um...okies...this one's a bit...personal. o_o But...I did post it in a couple of other locations, so...I don't know, I really don't know what I was thinking. Please forgive me.

This was originally from 6/18/00. **blushing furiously**

I hate friggin' bras!! *%&$&$*%*@@ %$(*%*&&*% ^&*$((@#@@

(All right--if you read this you may learn more about me than you ever wanted to know. Head back now if you don't wish to be sucked into the abyss. Otherwise, abandon hope, all ye who enter here!)

There is NO such thing as the perfect bra for me. I hate them ALL. In this day and age, when we can send a man into space, when we can communicate over thousands of miles via computer, when we can get beer in a can that tastes like it's from a bottle, HOW COME WE CAN'T MAKE DECENT BRAS?!? Is that really SO much to ask?? What, do breastless MEN design and make them all?? I'm really starting to think so!!

I am a 36C. Not the smallest things in the world, they are. I was late in starting to wear bras, so...there are some problems. How I wish I could take in my skin just a little bit! That's the problem there, my skin--but anyway, before I go into "too much information" mode there...I have yet to come across a bra that will suit my special needs. I HATE IT!! Stupid stinkin' son of a lunkin' sitch!!

All I can wear now are sports bras with underwires. They're the only things that offer at least a BIT of support. Thing is--they stretch out after about a week--and the straps like to slide down my shoulders. I have sloping shoulders, and I'm very picky--I like those straps being RIGHT UP NEXT TO MY NECK or the sensation just BOTHERS the hell out of me. I literally sit there and tug the things up ALL DAY!! Because for SOME stupid reason, they just don't MAKE underwire sports bras with a T-back! (Or whatever that is--I'm angry, dammit!) REGULAR sports bras, yes--UNDERWIRE, no. WHAT IS THE DEAL?? IS IT REALLY *SO* MUCH TO ASK THAT THEY MAKE A T-BACK UNDERWIRE SPORTS BRA?!? WOULD IT REALLY PUT THEM OUT *THAT* FRIGGIN' MUCH?!?

But anyway...on to the LOVELY little incident that happened today!

Ma and I went to Kmart. On a whim (okay, with some forethought) I decided to check out the bra selection. Just to see if there's anything that offers more support, because these sports things just stretch out too fast! So we saw the bras being offered by Jacquelyn Smith. (So I may be spelling her name wrong--big whoop! Her bras suck!!) We checked out everything. It boiled down to: Underwire bra with added padding--a push-up--or padded bra (non-push-up) without underwire, but with a band along the bottom--or padded non-push-up bra with underwire, but without the band.

The push-up looked as if it offered no room for the boobs to go. They'd just pop right out! So I ruled that one out. I REALLY wanted one with an underwire. But it didn't have that elastic band along the bottom. The one with the band--didn't have underwire!! (Like I said--is it a MAN who designs these??) With many heavy-hearted sighs I finally decided on the non-band, underwire one. BIG MISTAKE.

I get home, I try it on--THIS THING IS A PIECE OF &*%*%*&##@ CRAP!! First of all, you adjust the stupid straps, but they keep sliding anyway! Second, the cups are shaped so weird that they offer support on the bottom, sure--but there's nothing on TOP! As soon as you lean over, bye-bye, your boobs are out in midair!! They're doing their little mammary dance!! And third--I knew that absence of an elastic band was going to work against me--if they weren't falling out of the top, they were sliding out of the bottom!! DAMN JACQUELYN SMITH TO HELL!!

Furious, almost in tears, I stormed from my room, tossed the vile thing at Ma, told her, "You can have it!" (to which she replied blandly, "Thank you so much"), and stormed back into my room, replacing my tired old sports bra. *Sigh.*

But I still hate these sports bras!! They stretch out, the straps slide, and I have to keep adjusting the things because my two little buddies refuse to completely stay in their respective cups. They like to, I dunno, creep out and greet each other in the middle. Say hi to each other, how ya doin', and stuff. After which I cram them viciously back in. "NO VISITING AFTER HOURS!! STAY IN YOUR OWN DAMN CUPS!!"

You know what it is that I want? That I REALLY want? A nice LEATHER bra!! Something that will NEVER stretch out! Something that is exactly CUSTOM FORM FITTED to my particular shape--because I think the left one is bigger than the right. (It tends to start popping out more, anyway. It's either bigger or more social.) Something with straps that are short enough to keep the thingies UP where they belong! (I always have to have Ma--who can sew, thank God--take in the straps on my sports bras because they're TOO FRIGGIN' LONG!!) Something that just SQUISHES them in place, that doesn't let them hang down and out, that keeps them CRAMMED RIGHT UP TO MY BODY, nice and tight! Something I can JUMP AND SPIN AND TWIRL AND TWIST AND GYRATE around in! (Uh--not that I gyrate that much.) Without them popping or falling or bouncing out! Something that just keeps them where they belong, in the right shape, and itself stays right where it belongs!

THAT, my friends, would be the PERFECT bra!

Unfortunately...*sigh*...such things do not exist. I'm left with my too stretchy, too slippery, too poppish, too-long-strapped, miserable sports bra. And I fear my life is passing me by...I will NEVER find my perfect bra.

How I long for it to come into my life...

((small voice)) Has no one out there ever met my perfect bra? If so...please tell me where it is...or at the very least, let it know...I'm searching for it...

*weep*

What's even funnier are the NOTES readers left me on this particular entry! Here they are with usernames omitted. Hm, maybe I won't delete this entry after all.

I think your right, breastless men MUST make those damn things. A woman wouldnt be so stupid as to make the damn things so horribly wrong. :)

Also, think about it, who would want women's breasts to pop out more than men, huh? And I saw your note on [OMITTED]'s diary...and I'm wondering the same thing...

Read my entry, because I answered your questions in it!

FUKIN A!!!!! *LOL* You know what I really hate?? When you get the ones with the underwire and after a couple of months the wire works its way loose and decides to implant itself into your arm pit.... *UGH*

If you want I can follow you around and hold them up for you all day! just kidding haha

I heard that they're making new bras which adjust themselves like with each movement, it's got like "smart material" or something. I'm not sure, I just saw the end of the report. So maybe, when they come out, they'll help?!?!

A slight correction to my entry, I think I'm closer to a 34C.

Happy to say, I finally tried out one of those bras with the thin straps and underwire, which clasps in front...there's some poppage that goes on, but if I'm careful and take time to adjust myself (requiring bathroom trips), I think I'll manage. Um...okay...this entry is over. Go home.