11-20-01 @ 6:45 pm EST

I was recently asked in a forum what was so bad about getting a three rating, which on this site is "average." I had been upset by the self-deletion of a user here who I have written about before, he who rated me with threes, yet gave me useful advice and comments. More people should rate as he did, I said; he made threes seem not so bad.

So why IS the three bad in my mind, when technically it's neither good nor bad, it's average? Why does it wear on me so?

Hope nobody minds if I post my reply in here as well...I think it illustrates a bit of how I think and who I am.

Well, hopefully without getting TOO longwinded about it...in school the only thing I had going for me was my grades. I wasn't popular, I wasn't pretty, I wasn't outgoing or self-confident, I didn't have many talents to speak of. When I got into junior high and up it just got worse because my best friend moved away and I failed to make any more that lasted. :( I wasn't into sports, didn't go to dances very often, wasn't involved in extracurricular activities, etc. To top it off my brother (five years older) had been good at sports and VERY popular, even if his grades were average. When I first got into high school I wasn't myself. I was "Eric's little sister." There were literally girls coming up to me saying, "Are you Eric's sister? Could you tell him I said hi?" Like I wasn't my OWN person!

I guess I thought good grades was all I had to show that I meant anything. It didn't really work getting me the attention I wanted. :( The only people who care about good grades are teachers and those who get them. But I'm a very obsessive person and when I didn't do well it really wore on me. The lowest grade I ever got was a C-, and to this day that bothers me because it was the ONLY time I was ever kicked off ("kicked off"!) the honor roll.

Aside from that, I can't really explain it. It's not like anybody around me ever nagged me into success or anything but I've just always been led to believe that average isn't good enough. Three is average, and I hate that. I've got mixed feelings about it similar to yours--I don't think ANYTHING of mine is perfect, and some days I wonder if most of my stuff really isn't worth threes. Every time I get a three, with no explanation why, it just reinforces that belief--"This really DOES suck, doesn't it?" But another part of me is resentful when I get them. Even while I don't believe I deserve fives for most of my stuff, I want to get them, the way I wanted A's in school. (I DO remember one time when I slacked off in elementary school math big time and got...get this...an A-. Dad groused about THAT one, at least...)

I know there are at least a few others who've seen where I'm coming from, in high school there was this girl who was lamenting over getting an A- and even *I* was staring at her as if she were nuts!

I just feel I don't have very much going for me, and if I do something less than perfect, then I am less than perfect, and I can't stand that thought. :(

Aside from that, like I said...if this doesn't explain it then I don't know what would. I guess if you haven't been there you can't really know what it feels like. I know this is all exaggerated, but it's the way my mind works...if I can't create something worthwhile, more than "average," then I'm useless. At this point in time, my writing is all I have to prove I'm more than "average." If IT doesn't work...I don't have anything left to show I'm any different from anybody else!

Yes, I know that some people are going to think I'm completely nuts after reading this...

(Edited to include the part I somehow missed--a three with a review stating both what's RIGHT about an item, as well as what's WRONG, is what makes a three seem more than average. But I don't get ratings like that very often at all, even with fours and fives. I DO like to hear about what I did right AND what I did wrong!)

(Edited a few more times until it was perfect. <:) )

You have to admit...even for those who aren't "achievers," in school a LOT of emphasis is placed on doing above average. You even have to get minimum grades to be allowed to participate in SPORTS (ugh). No teachers--at least, none around here--will tell you to strive for average. It's ABOVE average that you must reach for! And if you don't get it, you're no better than anybody else.

Do I think I'm better than anyone? I like to think not! (I'm not perfect, so I can't say I don't.) But I want to PERFORM better than some people. Like I've said, I want to stand out, be noticed. Who doesn't? If you are told enough times that you are average, you'll give up your hopes of ever being noticed and of ever being different, of being your own person. I'm a Type Four...we like being different in our own way and standing out. I'm also mentally unstable. If my WORKS are not perfect, then *I* am not perfect, and it's all or nothing. If I'm not perfect I'm worthless, because I sure as hell don't have looks or popularity or anything going for me!

Really...I was the one who agonized over mathematical equations at home rather than go to the Senior Prom. Not like I was invited along by anybody anyway...I even felt guilty staying home on Senior Skip Day, when we were SUPPOSED to cut classes!

This all sounds like more borderline thinking...I thought I didn't really have the black and white thing going on, as I CAN see shades of gray in almost everything (even most of the people I despise have their..."good" points), but I guess maybe I do have it after all only it's turned inward. I really never got much attention in school unless I was doing well, then I'd get a few congratulations. It was never enough for me, though. Even the one thing I had to prove who I was didn't help me out much. (Remember the people in school who said, "You're a good writer!" and then refused reading anything of mine when I offered it to them? Yeah, those people...my writing was so good it was beyond their ability to read or whatever...thanks a lot guys, meant a lot.)

I forgot to mention in that post another point that was brought up...the whole "pat on the back," insincere ratings thing...I wish I would have stated, I'M NOT LOOKING FOR THAT, EITHER! I HATE insincere rating...sometimes I refrain from rating others because I can't bring myself to let them down, but I can't lie, either. So I don't rate. D., the user above--his method of rating was better than usual in that even when there was something wrong with your piece, he would tell you what was RIGHT. (Remember the three rating I got on the "D Is For Damien Timeline" and all the stuff I was told was WRONG with it? But not what I'd done right...*grouse*...felt like I went to all that trouble for "Hey, this is average, it isn't very good either.") This is the problem I see in too much rating and commenting everywhere. People will say, "This is great!" or "This sucks!" They WON'T say, "This part is great, while THIS part sucks," and then tell you WHY and WHAT YOU CAN DO TO IMPROVE. I guess it's too much to ask for? When commenting on a piece with a few problems, I try to mention what's good and bad...not sure how well I do, but I try. Unless it's a really good piece and the bad parts are far outweighed and not very important, in which case I just say I liked it and here's why! But I am never looking for mindless pats on the back and empty reviews that mean nothing (er, that's redundant, sorry).

I have so many items out there with five-star ratings that I would REALLY have liked additional comments on, rather than just the rating itself. So I AM doing something right? Well--what is it??

Likewise with the threes--I'm doing something wrong? Could you PLEASE let me know what it was and how I can do better?

Even a teacher, when grading you, will let you know what you did wrong. Should it be so very different with writing? After all, improvement--isn't that what we're all here for? Asking to know what's bad AND what's good isn't seeking insincere reviews. It's called learning. When we get a thoughtful comment that says, "This part is really good...and this part here, here's what you might want to do"...I think we all understand that.

Average without an explanation why and without advice is just that. Average. Dull and boring and the same as the drek. Not worth clicking on, and nothing to be proud of. A waste of my time and yours. Average works are never published and never gain attention. I never want to be just average. I want to be something more.