01-24-02 @ 7:39 pm EST

Holy CRAP. It's all BIG. I can SEE it all now!!

*sigh* You know, two days not posting in here because I really had nothing to say, and when I do come back this is it? I WANT MORE RATINGS! I just must be too shallow for people to want to read. How are other people noticed? I PLUGGED this journal publicly a while back and I know people saw it, but nobody rated. Why did they think I was plugging it? I know, ratings shouldn't matter that much when it's just my own personal blathering. But I do get jealous, honestly. I keep thinking this must all be tripe in here since it's not noticed when other people with much fewer words are.

Anyway...pointless blathering that maybe only one or two people who have already rated read, IF I'm lucky...

Got to working on posting my kiddie junk, and found a copy of King Kuts, my first "official" story. GAG this thing is a piece of crap. But I feel obligated to post. Nobody's even GLANCED at one part of it yet and like five parts are up! In this case however I'm a bit relieved since it sucks so bad. I feel that anybody who sees it will rate by default. They'll see one piece, think it sucks, rate it poorly, think that I suck as a whole, and not even click on the item folder to see that in fact I wrote this WHEN I WAS ELEVEN YEARS OLD. I'm not saying that warrants higher ratings, I just want them to KNOW that before they rate. The stuff in that folder does NOT represent the best of me! But they won't, because it's too much trouble. I'm in a great mood today, aren't I.

Also working on Part 55, good start with Ocryx and Mitchi, can't really say much else. It's about time Mitchi started showing his "true" colors. The WHY should be along shortly, I hope...lots of loose ends I want to pick up on somewhere along the way...but what am I going to do about that bat? Y'know, the bat Charmian brought along with her earlier on until Old Mother Manitou took it back. It was just meant to be a companion, but so much time was spent on it that it should have to figure into the story further somehow. I have no idea how to do that or why. Aggggghhhh.

I asked a few people with an understanding of Jungian symbolism to check the story out since I'm interested in seeing if it has any of his symbols or archetypes. So call me bigheaded. I THINK Jungian ideas figure into some of my D4D stuff, particularly the later stories (Shadows was named with him in mind--Detective Kristeva has a real problem with his own Shadow and this really shows up in that story and in Magic City), and I was wondering if they figure into my other writings as well. Knowing how I am? PROBABLY NOT. But I'm still curious. I'd like my writing dissected for themes and symbolism and nobody is patient enough or knowing enough to do it. Four people answered my request, two of them saying "No thanks." WELL WHY DID YOU ANSWER THEN!

Two said they'd check it out, but with the way things go they'll never get back to me. I realize I never left a way to contact me short of my guestbook. I'm stupid.

But anyway. Archetypes. I admittedly know very little about this subject; most of what I "know" is what I "feel" in my gut. Jung just strikes more of a chord for me than Freud. I can't really compare anyone else since my reading is so limited. My head's a bit thick when it comes to this sort of stuff; I remember reading a book full of Jung's writings and I did not understand a WORD until I got to the parts about personality type and archetypes. The archetypes I found interesting, and that soaks through a bit more.

Now this is a bit funny because I'm trying to figure out which archetypes which characters would represent, and the bad guy is NOT coming out as the Shadow. Very strange since usually you figure the Shadow to be the bad guy. I know this isn't always so. My own Shadow, I'm betting it's this really selfish bigoted narrowminded horrid thing, but I also bet it's got guts and can stand up for itself whenever it wishes. After all, these things are just all the unpleasant AND unrealized parts of ourselves. A beautiful person has an ugly Shadow; a weak person has a strong Shadow. Etc. At least this is what I got out of my reading. I could be completely totally wrong. Who knows, who's even reading this far.

ANYWAY. I picture Ocryana as the main bad guy in the story, and to me she seems more like a Horrible Mother type. Giving life, and then taking it away, like a sow eating her young. Ocryx is the father figure--the Ogre I think it's called? I have to admit that his temper makes me think of my own dad, which is one reason I consider the work "semiautobiographical." He's partially evil, but he's not so much a bad guy as he is impatient and misunderstood. I think he (um, I'm talking about Ocryx again here :P ) WANTS people to be afraid of him, rather than to actually commit evil acts. His reasons for acting the way he does should become clearer later on.

Man, only six kilobytes? It really feels like I wrote more to the story so far than that...*sigh*

Anyway back to my train of thought. Charmian of course is the "Hero" archetype. (Screw the feminine form, a woman can be a hero too!) I read recently on a writing site about an archetype who basically introduces the hero to the struggle, though I can't remember what that one is called; that sounds like Tal Natha--but I think some of these guys represent more than one archetype and he must have another. Not sure which. What is Drake?? He must be the Fool, if that's an archetype...I know it's a recurring character in fiction, at least. Justin MIGHT be Charmian's Animus but I don't know enough about the Anima and Animus to be sure. Oh, of course Silver Eagle Feather and Moon Wolf are the Wise Woman/Witch and the Wise Old Man, though of course neither is old. ;P

Good God I'm getting blathery and full of myself. Remember this is all entirely hypothetical and the result of LONELY BOREDOM.

Red Bird, even though she's currently preggers, makes me think of the Maiden. But in a sense I think that SHE is Charmian's "Shadow." Remember the scene where Charmian peeks into the water and sees Red Bird staring back out at her? Yah, another weird scene that for no discernible reason popped into my head and has yet to be explained. But I'm going to work that one in as well. I'll try not to give the ENTIRE thing away, but look at the differences between Charm and RB. I don't know if I've made it obvious or not what each of them wants. Charmian is still working on her courage, though I think it's safe to say she's brave, outgoing, brainy, and a bit of a tomboy. Red Bird is shy and fearful, reclusive, feminine, and depends upon others for protection and support. But at the SAME TIME, Charmian sorta not too subtly wants a boyfriend--witness all her mooning over Justin, bleh. She wants to be more "feminine" and wanted by others. While Red Bird wants to be stronger and able to defend herself. They both want what the OTHER one has. It's like they're opposites of each other. Oh, did you notice this. They both have red hair. Dunno why that one happened. ;P

I guess what I'm trying to say there is that Charmian and Red Bird seem to be Shadows of each other. It would explain Charm seeing RB's reflection, at least. Again I might just be flattering myself here by thinking my story's got nearly this much heavy symbolism...all the people on the old Four Board never saw this story, but they accused me of excessive shallowness and judging by how many people read this junk, they're probably right...

Oh. And the character Shadow Water? Oh man. I swear to God I did NOT plan that name out ahead of time, I just wanted a name without a color in it (Black Elk Horn, Red Bird, White Coyote, Silver Eagle Feather, Old Yellow Turtle, AGGHH!!), something that sounded native, and that was what popped into my head. As her role becomes clearer I think her name will start to have more meaning. Jeeeeez. Really, any readers who by some miracle of extended attention have made it this far, I did NOT plan that one.

X'aaru strikes me as the Child archetype with how childlike and naive he is. Chepi could be the Seductress archetype, she strikes me as the slutty little type, *LOL* (Ocryana would also fit this type.) Silver Eagle Feather can also be a Mother archetype, just the good side, not the bad side like Ocryana! And Justine Dupries is a lot like her as well.

The GeeBees and manitous? I'm not sure. They might all be the "bad" Shadow aspects, but someone else would have to give me some advice. I really can't say. Just remember that for some reason all the GeeBees are male, and all the Windwalkers are female, so...I don't know, do with that what you will.

I think the Self may have a part in the story as well. The character I feel represents this archetype has shown up briefly already, but I can't say who it is at the moment. Read through the later chapters and maybe if you know what I'm talking about you can spot it.

And there's bound to be even more archetypes I can think of but I don't have the patience right now.

I don't think I need to even mention all the dream symbolism popping up in the story. Sheesh. Practically the whole THING is about dreams.

The one bitty thing which bugs me is, no mandalas! CRAP! NO MANDALAS! That should be my new slogan, *LOL* "No friggin' mandalas!!" Even Kristeva has a tattoo of a mandala on his SHOULDER, for God's sake! How more obvious can you get than that? I'm thinking back on the story and I can't think of one recurring circular image anywhere. The only thing that comes even remotely close are the crystals that keep popping up. The ones in the caves, the ones Ocryx collects, the necklaces, and the spirit stones. Crystals are kinda small and round, aren't they? And if those spirit stones don't represent the person's Self then I don't know what does...okay, maybe I'm stretching a bit too far. Like I said, I REALLY wish somebody with a greater understanding of Jung than my tiny smattering would check the thing out. *sigh*

Well I've blathered far too much, and nobody will even read this entry that I put so much thought into. TYPICAL. :( The ones I spend the most time on are the ones nobody notices!

...How did I get into all of this just from the bigger size of the fonts?

Hm, just read a journal entry by another user that makes me a bit angry, which is more upsetting because it's a user I like and one of the first ones to notice me here. I feel they misunderstand something I myself have ranted and raved about in here many times (yes--ratings) and the entry offends me a bit because I hate being misunderstood, especially when I feel I've been pretty clear to the point of belaboring the subject. They could always be talking about someone else since I don't think they even read this journal...anyway I'd rebut but it's all been said before, if we can't agree we can't agree, if they misunderstand then I can't convince them, and like I said I doubt they even look at this so what's the point...

I'm hoping somebody new to the journal will read this and like it, or at least take something away from it, but doubt it. Sheesh, to think I thought that being longest on the site would have some benefits. I was stupid.

Gotta go...