03-13-02 @ 3:03 am EST

*LOLOLOLOL,* just seeing that title in type makes me laugh out loud.

*cough* Anyway. Explanation. Kitty howled yesterday. The way Pepper used to. It was this BIG DEEP HOWL! Caught me COMPLETELY off guard. You see, Cosmas is SUCH a little sissy cat, with this little sissy meow. I'm not maligning gays here--but if ever there was one--he's just the feline equivalent of the STEREOTYPICAL (stereotypical, not actual) gay. Dad and I tease him so much, he's going to grow up with a complex.

**cue Dad** "He's ALREADY grown up!"

Me, looking at this grotesquely huge cat: "Well...they SAID six months."

Dad: "They were lying. He was in the shelter for six months--somebody had him for a YEAR before that!"

I have to admit, I always thought kittens were...well...you know, smaller. :)

He eats TWO CANS OF FOOD A DAY! Oh truly. I'm worried about feline diabetes. Oh no.

**cue weird mental image of Cosmas dressed like Wilford Brimley, riding a horse, talking about diabetes**

*ROFLMAO!!*

*cough* Anyway. Truly, he's put on a lot of weight. Weighs about ten pounds. He isn't even a year old yet, if he wasn't lying about his age when we got him. ^_^ Fat pig! Oh...I got off track there. Armando Muffinbutt! *LOLOLOL* We still call him everything BUT Cosmas. Dad thinks Bruce is a "gay" name. I dunno, it makes me think of "Brutus," which is about as brutal and "macho" as you can get. But we are SO derogatory to this poor cat. I think he can tell, too. When we start calling him a girly man and laughing at him he looks pissed. ^_^ Poor stupid thing! Gotta love him. Eeerrrr, where was I? Oh. He jumps after a toy spider and he has these BEAUTIFUL jumps. Just LEAPS into the air, twirls and spins, like a pretty little ballerina. *LMAOLMAOLMAO!!* Dad says he should wear a tutu. Oh LORD.

**cue weird mental image of...well, you get the idea**

And his MEOW...picture this big husky guy cat with this PRETTY, FEATHERY, DAINTY little girly meow. *ROFLMAO!!* He comes into the room and peeps at me and his VOICE CRACKS, it's so funny. "Meow-ow?" SO HILARIOUS! Like he's just hitting puberty. Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!! Ummm, where was I...oh yeah. Muffinbutt. ;D Night before last Dad and I were coming up with stupid names for him and I modified two names I'd already given him, "Armando" (sounds both overly masculine and like a hairstylist name at the same time), and "Muffin" (a guy named Muffin...classic!!). I somehow came up with Armando Muffinbutt. OMG I can't believe it! The poor cat!! He'll be stuck with that forever, HA HA HA HA.

Anyway Dad came up with a few nicknames but only one I can remember--

ADULT LANGUAGE ALERT!

"Needledick Pimpleboobs"!! *LMAOROFLMAO!!!*

(We're always picking him up and feeling his belly and yelling, "MAN BOOBS! MAN BOOBS!" Oh, this poor poor cat, the issues he's going to have later on in life...)

Ahm, err, my brain train is derailing here. ;) What was I talking about? Poor Coz. 'S a wonder he hasn't come up and killed me in my sleep. Well. I DO keep my door blocked just for that reason. Right now he likes to grab onto our legs when we walk by, and he's prone to random acts of licking your feet. (Really, you'll just be standing there, minding your own business, and along he comes and licks your feet. He's got this foot fetish.) Who knows what perverse things this behavior will progress to? ;)

Damn I'm glad we had him neutered.

I gotta end this entry before I offend anyone else. I have a bad feeling now. :D