06-28-02 @ 7:04 am EDT

More from my English Comp I journal.

September 13, 1995

I woke up early one evening to the sound of someone knocking on my door. Feeling irritation, I got up to answer it. It was a beautiful chick with gorgeous gams and wide blue eyes. "Detective Hammer," she cried, as she fell into my arms. "I don't know what to do! You have to help...me..."

Seizing the moment, I scooped her up and placed her on my couch. She was one fine-looking babe. I slapped her cheeks gently and she came to.

"Hey, Doll," I said to her, "what's the problem?"

She blinked up at me. "I think my husband is running around on me," she declared.

Instantly all my hopes were dashed. So much for the evening's entertainment. "What's your name, Doll?" I asked.

"Daisy," she replied. "And I want to hire you to check up on my Billy." She started to cry, and all I could do was pat her head. "I just hope it isn't true!"

So I got in my Lincoln and drove her back to her place on Maynard Street, in one of the better parts of the city. Hers was a fancy-schmancy brick building, all lined with daisies. I wondered where she got that name. I turned to her.

"No, you go inside first," she insisted. "I want you to check up on my Billy and see what he's up to."

So I got out, and inside we went, me in front, her behind.

As soon as I got in the door, though, there was a crack!, and something struck the back of my head.

I saw stars dance before my eyes. I barely managed to turn around. There stood Daisy and Billy, her hubby, holding a length of pipe.

"Sweet dreams, Detective," Billy said with a wicked laugh, and Daisy smiled along. Then she slugged me. The world spun. I saw pinwheels and tiny fir trees before I hit the carpet.

Um...yeah. o_O