07-08-02 @ 7:17 pm EDT

Hm, never got around to talking about the episode of Law & Order: Crime & Punishment last night. The first two episodes of that program, frankly, just sucked. It's gotten off to a VERY bad start IMO. The other L&Os have everything going for them because of their format--it keeps you entertained for an hour. Whereas with this one, I wish it was either a half hour long, or they covered two cases in one program. Because it is SO heavily padded.

(Trust me--it must be bad when TEHUTI wishes L&O was LESS THAN AN HOUR LONG!)

The first two episodes were about half courtroom drama, half mindless babbling from the prosecutors involved. "Gee, I hope we win this case." "This guy's a real jerk!" "Yeah, I agree!" "Do you think we'll win?" "I hope we win..." Bla bla bla bla bla. Quit interviewing the damn lawyers and get back to the case!! It strikes of PADDING just to make the show fit in the alotted timeslot. Hence my suggestion to make it a half hour or put in two cases.

This isn't a problem with the first L&O, which is half cops, half lawyers. Nor with SVU, which just features interesting cases. NOR even with the weakest of the bunch, CI, which has Vincent D'...gah!! Which has Bobby Goren (sorry Vince, can't spell that name!), and is pretty much half from the cops' POV, half from the criminals' POV. Plus, with all three of those, you're always in suspense about who did it or at least about WHY they did it until the very end.

That's not so with C&P. With that, you KNOW who did it and why about halfway through, if not a quarter of the way through...if not right from the beginning...then you just have to wait the rest of the program to see if they find the guy guilty or not. And half of that waiting is taken up by shots of lawyers out to lunch or sitting in their offices twirling pencils and yapping about how they hope the case turns out. Last week's had the prosecutor jumping from office to office to office proclaiming how "The jury has reached a verdict!"--shades of that guy in the Cheerios commercial calling people up just to tell them "I lowered my cholesterol!" BLAGH!

So needless to say, now THIS is definitely the weakest of the L&Os.

But last night's episode...was pretty good as they go. There was VERY little prosecutor babbling...which was a BONUS! I hope they're improving. The first few eps can be very rocky, which is why I've kept tuning in despite my misgivings. I really hope they are setting a new pattern with this one.

The case was a rape case. The victim was this pretty woman who could be played by Drew Barrymore in a movie. The defendant was a Latino guy who looked like he could be a plumber or a construction worker--seemed harmless. The prosecutor was a blond lady with BIG glaring eyes. The defense attorney was a bald shrivelled little man with glasses. The defendant broke the victim's jaw and assaulted this woman repeatedly in a park. But even scummier than him was his attorney.

This guy must never have read ANY of the statistics on rape, EVER. Firstly he brings up how the victim had martial arts training. He never said it directly, but his line of questioning was obvious--what he intended to say was, "You had all this martial arts training--how come you didn't crack his neck or poke out his eye?? Huh?" He pointed out that she was wearing revealing clothing and no underwear. During summation he held up a ring tied to a piece of string and swung it back and forth while trying to jab a pencil through the middle, as if he were simply bored...OH SUBTLE! He pointed out how she was tall and pretty and athletic, while his defendant was a "little Mexican." I can't even remember what else he did, I was getting SO MAD.

The prosecutor's disgust--and the victim's--were obvious. The prosecutor did rebut one of his points--that with the ring--but I'll do that, and the rest.

Number one, the martial arts training. "If she had this training, why didn't she use it?" Hey, dumbass. Say you're being assaulted. Does YOUR mind always function clearly? For some of us, when we are attacked, our first instinct is to FREEZE. We FORGET everything we've learned and panic. Think of a small animal in the wild being attacked by a hawk. Sometimes it runs. Sometimes it fights. And sometimes--IT FORGETS ALL THAT AND FREEZES, opening itself to attack. This is a creature which INSTINCTIVELY KNOWS to defend itself--it doesn't always WORK. The mind, when in a panic, does NOT always react rationally. That's why it's called FEAR, moron!

In junior high, a man came to my school to lecture us on sexual assault. He started with a story. He used to train women in martial arts self-defense, and he had been confident it was a good way to protect themselves from rape. One day he got a call to go to the hospital; there was a woman there asking for him. He went, and in the room he finds a woman sitting in the bed. Her face is all bruised and battered. She stands up when she sees him and comes toward him, putting her arms around him and hugging him. "I'm sorry," she says. "I failed."

"You failed what?" he asks. He can't understand.

"All that martial arts training," she says. "I was raped. But I forgot everything you taught me. I couldn't even defend myself, so I failed. I'm sorry."

That story haunted him to this day. He came to the school to tell us OTHER ways to defend ourselves...since sometimes, the most obvious things just don't work. When you're being pinned down to the ground, with your jaw broken, are you really going to sit there and think, "Hm, okay, now, if I bend my hand like this, I can chop him on the neck and take him out"...?

Number two, the halter top and lack of underwear. HEY FRIGGIN' DUMBASS, DID THE DEFENDANT HAVE X-RAY VISION? How else would he have been able to tell she wasn't wearing underwear? So now wearing no undergarments is an open invitation that says "I'm a slut--rape me"? I don't wear underwear a lot of the time and I'm a VIRGIN, you COMPLETE NEANDERTHAL!

Also--what the HELL does revealing clothing have to do with rape?? Revealing clothing has to do with sex appeal. Rape has to do with POWER! The two are NOT the same, DUMBASS! I thought everyone but the most ignorant dolts knew that by now, but apparently there's at LEAST one defense attorney out there who doesn't. I remember from either the same lecturer who visited my school or another one the statistics on rape victims. Do you know what a rapist looks for FIRST when choosing a potential victim? He chooses somebody who looks as if they will not fight. Somebody with LOW self-confidence. Would somebody with LOW self-confidence be caught dead in a halter top?

They target women who walk with their heads down. Shrunk in on themselves. Perhaps in loose clothing, as that often indicates low self-esteem. Women who are too self-absorbed to be paying much attention to their surroundings. Women with PONYTAILS are another big target, as they can easily grab them by the hair and overpower them. (I always wear ponytails, loose clothing, and walk with my head down...so I myself would probably make a prime target.) Do you REALLY think women like this would often strut around in a halter top and attractive clothing?

I remembered another detail from the show. When the guy selected his victim, he noted that she was crying and walking with her head down. THAT was the more likely reason that he selected her, NOT the fact that she was wearing a halter top...and no undies, though God knows how he could have known that unless he's Superman!

I cannot believe this Neanderthal lawyer actually thought rape was all about sex appeal. BARF GAG HURL! What century is this?? As the prosecutor very POLITELY put it, "I don't think he's completely in touch with reality!" Yeah--and I also think his dad must have kept his mom and sisters locked in the basement!

Number three, the not-too-subtle ring and pencil. That was just borderline pornographic, and VERY insulting; why the hell did he even have to do it? The symbolism didn't escape me, but the reason WHY did. The prosecutor explained that by saying, "And that trick with the ring and the pencil was very nice. How about we sum up all self-defense courses by saying, 'If you just wiggle around a lot, it won't happen!'" Ah. He was jabbing the pencil at the ring in an attempt to show that if you struggle REALLY hard, the guy can't get it in, thus--voila, no rape!

GAG me again. It's true that a lot of the time a woman should just fight, and the rapist will back off. But not always. This woman, like I said, froze. He also BROKE HER JAW! So it was obvious he could hurt her severely. No amount of WIGGLING would have stopped somebody who could break her jaw--so she fell still and basically let him do it. She even said this--she didn't struggle or even scream, because she felt he could hurt her more. And do you know what? You could SEE the shame in her eyes, hear it in her voice, as she explained this. She'd done it to spare her life, yet she also regretted it.

"Hey! I'm being raped! I think I'll just wiggle...that'll show him!"

Yeah, buddy. I hope YOU'RE never assaulted. Then you'll see just how easy it is.

And number four, the not-so-subtle race angle. Granted, I feel he wasn't focused entirely on race--but why did he feel the need to keep referring to his client as a "little Mexican"? What did his race have to do with anything?...and he was by NO MEANS "little." The victim was taller than he was, yes. But she also looked to be maybe 100lbs sopping wet, while this guy was stocky and burly and must have been over 200lbs. Shorter? Yes--and STRONGER! One of the first things I said about the victim, before I noticed her height, was, "She's just a wispy little thing." I didn't notice her height until they pointed it out, and yes, she's taller. But she was so thin. And that guy BROKE HER JAW. He could EASILY overpower her with his weight alone. What, all rapists must be taller than their victims?? Oh! I never knew that!

There was probably more...but again I'm just getting too mad and distracted. What a TOTAL slime. By the end of it, I was hoping the guy would be convicted based more on his DEFENSE than on his CRIMES!

Well...he was found guilty of kidnapping...and of rape. Thank God! That prosecutor was WAY too friendly when she spoke of that defense attorney. Usually, at least on TV, I've found that defense attorneys are not all that bad. They're just doing their jobs--imagine it--if you were accused of a crime you didn't commit, where would you be without a lawyer? But this one took the cake--THIS was the one that gives them all a bad reputation. There may not be a special place in Hell reserved for this guy, but I like to think that when he passes over, God--or better yet, the Virgin Mary--will be there to smack him across the face and say, "DO YOUR HOMEWORK, YOU MORON!"

What a clueless, ignorant, misogynist frigging idiot.