10-01-02 @ 1:03 pm EDT

So apparently I will have to get a premium upgrade somehow before next Friday, or there will be no Part 92. At least not on this site.

I'll probably figure out a way to make it happen, but please allow me to feel depressed right now. I can think of plenty of things I can delete (polls, surveys, my neteru and Apsiu profiles, some of my Kiddie stuff) but I know it's not enough, and there's no way I can delete them all before next Friday. So I will have to find $110 and get it through before then (which I'm not too sure I can do, at least on time). So Part 92, while available offsite, may be delayed onsite. That's the best-case scenario, considering I can get premium at all. (I'll have to ask for it as a birthday present, I guess, even though I'm just about certain Ma is already beading me something for my birthday.)

I knew there would come a day I would find reason to be even more ashamed of my portfolio, and this is it. As in real life, when I open up too much to people, I always regret it. On a website, I opened up too much in my portfolio, and it hurts again.

I'm fearing now that I'll come in here to post a journal entry and it will tell me I've reached my limit for that. My journal probably gluts up the most space of any on this server. Every word I type now is another reminder to make me feel guilty. I was told in no uncertain terms. The reason there was no warning announcement was because *I* am the only one hogging so much space.

Maybe I should refrain from posting for a few days. Not as if it helps. For the record I was thinking about premium for a long time before this, knowing I have the biggest portfolio, but it was just too expensive an option...but now it's too expensive NOT to do it.

I have to go. I hope this posts.