11-20-02 @ 10:57 am EST

Don't feel like writing in here again. That person I respected from my last entry? Yet another person who has apparently decided that everyone ELSE is too much for them. They're taking off, bailing out. Same as always. Everybody I respect. They're always so very strong for everyone, until *I* come forward. Whenever I finally summon up the courage to tell them I respect them, they bail out. Either I have poor timing or just pick the wrong people to respect. I'm starting to think I should not bother respecting anyone at all, since concern and respect are so damned hard to give in return.

People have told me I need to care more about others, but when those people I care about don't give a rat's ass, what does that teach me...

I finished

ID: 557041 (Rated: PG-13)
Title: Part 98: Force Of Persuasion
Description: Charmian's persuasion may be the only thing between the Island and destruction...
By: Tehuti, Lord Of The Eight

today but don't feel like proofreading it. In fact that was the only reason I came in here to post an entry, but it turned into a crappy entry again after all. Such is life. Full of letdowns. Final irony is this person's forum is one I had thoughts recently of getting comfortable in--but after reminding myself what had happened in the LAST forum I felt comfortable in (the owner AGAIN bailed out on that one, once I had convinced myself they never would), I told myself, "NO! Don't even DARE making yourself at home in there." So I didn't, though I was tempted...and take a look what my paranoia got me this time? I WAS RIGHT! See?

Why do these people put themselves in positions of authority and respect and create these forums if all they're going to do is just bail out? Seems like the chicken thing to do to me. People tell me I need to learn to take responsibility and face people, but they can't do it themselves, heaven forbid.

You, journal, are the only place I will ever not be disappointed. As someone told me in an earlier entry, put my heart into my writing, but don't dare open it up to anyone else.