12-10-02 @ 7:48 pm EST

I'll try not to go indepth. Rather I'll try to answer as spontaneously as I can. Thus, these may not make much sense.

I am the one who... Sits and writes. And wonders. And writes some more, then puts off writing and dreams of writing some more instead.

I admit ... I'm not good at admitting. Whenever I admit and expect to shock, people go on with their lives. It's puzzling.

To be or not to be: what have you chosen? Not to be, though it wasn't much of a choice. I feel I have no choice.

In what areas are you a record breaker? In many words. But it's a record only of mine, and not of anyone else's. Also I break records in where my mind wanders, but that's rather subjective.

When I check inside, I find ... A wooded grove with the occasional firefly in summer evenings. Maybe a deer or a rabbit will pass through, if you watch. I would like to sit and watch and get lost.

We are going to check with our conscience. It's right there, in that trunk, covered with dust. One can see we don't use it that often. (Alfred Jarry) What about you? What does your conscience tells [sic] you? My conscience is up on a shelf. I don't stick it in the trunk, since it wouldn't fit. That's not necessarily a good thing.

My conscience tells me it will always be there whether I want it or not, influencing everything for better or worse.

I believe in ... Belief. Everything else can't truly be trusted. We only know what we believe in.

In what ways do you feel wise? In my own areas of wisdom. Unfortunately, they are not of interest to most. I also feel wise in my insecurity, since it's a thing I know so well.

Belief gets in the way of learning. (Robert Heinlein). What beliefs do you hold onto that get in the way of your learning? Most likely all of them. Beliefs are not easily let go of, even if we learn otherwise. Derrick Grant is a good example. I'm glad I'm not him.

I want to be remembered for ... My worlds. And my words. Preferably both, together.

What are you still learning? Everything. I just don't always know it.

I will never be happy on this earth. I'm far too stupid. (Raymond Queneau) What about you? Did Raymond Queneau crawl in my head and die there? You would think he did.

Tell your story from someone else's point of view. "She thought a lot, but she didn't do very much. She was too afraid. Perhaps if she hadn't been so afraid, she would have done."

What sets you apart from the crowd? Nothing. Isn't that a typical answer even for my subconscious?

... the still point of the turning world... (T.S.Eliot) What's the still point of your turning world? My belief. And my worlds. The world would stand still if my world were the reality. I wouldn't care.

For Ally McBeal fans : what is your theme song? "To The Moon & Back." Savage Garden. Also "Give You Back." Vertical Horizon. Even my subconscious is acutely aware of this. It probably sings them when I'm not paying attention. Wouldn't that be all the time then?

If I am not for myself, who will be? (Pirke Avot) I will be nothing. If we were all brave, we would all be for ourselves. The world would be better. I would be happier. We should never be for others, unless in love. I'm not in love.

What songs do you sing in the shower? Only songs that can be sung in the head. I won't sing them aloud, heaven forbid. (My consciousness peeks through there.)

... has been a constant in my life. Worry. Regret. Wishes and dreams. Fear.

Things that are right around me... My life, my worlds, my fears. And a pan with mashed potatoes and corn. I'm hungry.

To be nobody but yourself -in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else- means to fight the hardest battle any human being can fight, and never stop fighting. (E. E. Cummings) Describe yourself. Now describe yourself as you think others see you. How do the two descriptions compare? I am the person who wants more than anything to be myself but is never brave enough. Others see me as somebody false. They're both wrong and right, for obvious reasons. (Consciousness says: See old entries about the Four. If I explain much more, I'll impose consciousness on this. You don't want that.)

How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are? Too old to care. I'd probably be happy then.

Do you pay attention to the signs in your life? Yes, but following them is something different.

If you were to be a greek deity, which one would you be? This requires thought. I don't identify with the Greeks. Probably Echo. She who sits in the wilderness and yells for people to hear her, but can only mimic what they want her to say. She who is always there but always invisible. She who depends upon others for their thoughts, even while they are not her own. She who pines over Narcissus and is never happy.

When in your life do you feel that you were most yourself? When I was young, and not an Echo.

If you consider your life to be like a yo-yo, what do you do with/about the knots that inevitably show up in the string? I slide down the string until I get caught on them. Then wait for somebody else to untie them. Sometimes that takes a while. Sometimes it doesn't happen at all. It's frustrating.

http://www.colba.net/~micheles/eng/dujoura.htm#you

Hm. Interesting if nonsensical at points. I should try this again sometime. Tar...