12-15-02 @ 10:55 am EST

I'm currently downloading IE6...which is likely outdated by now. *sigh* I'm only doing it because at FFN it says you MUST have IE6 in order to "safely" use the site in the coming days...bastards. I'm also have the vague hope that it'll take care of the problem that prevents me from updating my serial there, though I strongly doubt it. They won't fix that error. They don't care if I can't update my story on their site. Sadly, none of the readers there have given any indication of visiting my website version, either. Thanks a lot, FFN.

Anyway somebody says it takes fifteen minutes to download but SCREW THAT! More like TWO HOURS! I have about twenty minutes left so that's why I'm still online right now...

*agh* Just got an e-mail from the StoryMaster. I hate getting e-mail from him. Not because I hate him, but because it always makes me nervous that I've done something wrong. I know I haven't, at least not purposefully, but that's how I am. I get the feeling I'm not well liked by the higher-ups around here. It seems every time I post my views on something it turns into a big debate, or somebody snipes at me to keep it to myself or be grateful for what I've got or bla bla bla. This is why I try not to post my opinions in the public forums too much anymore, because other people can seem to do it, but I can't, not without causing angry feelings. I'm irritated that my opinions always seem to cause fights, but maybe I just can't clarify myself like everyone else can...in any case, that's why the SM and SMs and many of the mods scare me, because I feel they don't like me. I HATE feeling unwelcome to share my opinion, but even more, I hate arguing over it or making somebody angry about it. So that's why I'm posting in you, Skew...

Opened the e-mail but haven't read it yet. I will when I'm done or almost done here, so I don't lose my mood for typing this up. That happens. It's about deleted users; I remember I advised a deleted user this morning who was sharing the computer with another user. I can't think of why the SM would e-mail ME on this, but who knows...

Kinda reminds me, yesterday, I think, a glitch was pointed out, and there was wonderment why nobody had ever pointed it out before. You know what?...turns out *I* pointed it out, in AUGUST 2001! Yep. I even found the post I made about it. It was a display error in our portfolios, when if you had over twenty items in a folder, it displayed more than twenty items per page on the following pages. I pointed it out back in August 2001 because I found it mildly annoying...and I seem to recall that the general reaction to my post was, "Limit your folder items to twenty or fewer, then." Aside from that, nobody took notice of my post, and nobody else reported the error.

WELL...yesterday TWO people reported it! And my error report from over a YEAR ago was vindicated...not that I got any credit...well, what would I have expected anyway? I'm just a tad irritated that I pointed it out over a year ago and nobody cared, then when somebody else finally noticed it, it's a big deal and gets fixed...I know that's petty of me, but still...I DID point it out first...

How many minutes are left on this thing?...

Eight? *sigh* With IE, eight probably means closer to fifteen. It keeps backtracking. I probably should not have chosen full install...I thought it was needed...but I saw it was downloading Media Player or something...is an update of that really necessary? What other junk is it cluttering our hard drive with? I checked and we have only 39% system resources available...*sigh* I really wish we had more memory. Ma laid away a CD burner, but we really CAN'T install that without more memory...and we can't get more memory without transferring a lot of stuff to CD...*sigh*

I think I'll end this entry before I sigh anymore. This is so annoying, and my head hurts so much. I think I have a permanent sinus infection...

Well, looks like I was wrong about doing something wrong. I was just rebuked for advising that deleted member, and I think the e-mail was unnecessarily sharp. How was *I* supposed to have known the deleted person's motives? Am I psychic now? When I assumed the worst of the person who was stalking me here, I was told to quit assuming they were the same member. Now when it's the same situation with somebody else and I assume the best, I'm told to "please refrain" from doing so. "Please refrain" in the future...fine then, if somebody else ever needs HELP on something, I will keep my mouth shut as per your request, SM.

I had the hopes someday that my helping others here would get me noticed...but it just f**ks things up even more. I guess it's my fault, because nobody else can be wrong.

I was right; the higher-ups here apparently DON'T like me. I'm glad I waited until I was done typing this to read that...really made my day to know how useless I am, yet again. Every time I open my mouth around here it gives yet ANOTHER person a reason to hate me. No wonder only one or two of the mods like me.

I'll probably be demoted for sharing this. Isn't that nice? But it would be typical. I'm crying now...whenever I try to help people, or assume they mean the best, it just makes things worse. I'm sorry I'm such an asshole. I guess I'm meant to be this way.

can't proofread