12-17-02 @ 1:47 pm EST

I actually got about 11kb done on Part 102! Yippee for me.

ID: 588563 (Rated: PG-13)
Title: Part 102: More Flies With Honey
Description: How do you convince your biggest enemies to help you? Charmian needs to know!...
By: Tehuti, Lord Of The Eight

That may be just a tentative title, since I'm not sure if it goes. Basically Charmian doesn't use honey; she uses psychological manipulation. Ah, psychological manipulation.

I had Ma send out a money order for a premium upgrade...I had to use up all the $100 that I had...*sigh* I really, really hope a bill we can't pay doesn't come now; they always seem to come after I get something for myself. And if one does, I won't be able to help pay it. I THOUGHT I would be spared more money on the upgrade due to the very generous offers from others, but it's the GPs totals that screwed it up...I only needed like 550,000 more, I think, but they don't SELL them in that amount. Only 500,000 or 1,000,000. So I had to spend $100 as opposed to the $55 I really needed to spend. Stupid system. Before being chewed out over an innocent mistake I would have given the site the benefit of the doubt, but now I will just say it's a ripoff.

After all, after the new year, why make the PREMIUM members, those who are already paying the most to keep the site going, pay MORE? And not make the REGULAR upgradeds pay more? Oh, that was such good news, regular upgradeds get to keep the same deal, but the premiums have to dish out $10 more. Very nice.

I actually sat and wondered if I'd done the right thing, paying for this site, after the money order had been sent out. Think of all the other stuff I could have bought with that money. Some nice books. Or even renewing my magazine subscription. If it were not for the very few people who read me here, I would say that yes, it was a total ripoff. I don't think I would have dished out that money otherwise.

So now I have to renew my subscription to Writer's Digest and pay them later, and hope I can scrape up the money for that in time...

And pray that no bills we can't pay come...

Please cross your fingers for me on that, will you? Dad kept pressing to know what I had ordered online but I felt too stupid telling him. "I spent $100 to write on a website!"...it really IS dumb but for the community this place offers. I don't even dish out money for my GeoCities sites.

I wouldn't be so bitter about it if I could at least ask for help, or offer help, around here without being made to feel like a moron and a troublemaker. What will I do if I have a REAL problem here that needs solving? I'm really too afraid and humiliated to post about it in the Support forum. Is there anybody out there willing to post in there for me? Though they'll just ask which account needs help. And then probably get mad because I didn't post myself. Well, I was not the one who chewed somebody out because they were just trying to help. As if I knew what this other member was doing. It really IS possible to sign up here twice and not know you're breaking the rules, at least, when I joined it was. I normally read rules very carefully, and I can honestly say that I did NOT know it was against policy to have more than one account until I had long been a member here. That stipulation was buried so deeply in the rules as to be almost impossible to spot; I'm not sure how I missed it. The only parts of the TOS I don't normally read are the "indemnity" clauses, and I doubt it would be in there. I hope that since then they've made it easier to see, so things like this can be avoided more often. How could anyone here know what somebody with two accounts on the same computer is REALLY doing unless this person SAYS so themselves? IMO it really could have been an oversight...

I was sent a reply to the apology I sent along (even though I don't feel I'm 100% guilty of anything here aside from making an honest mistake, something I guess I'm good at!), but there's no way in hell I'm going to read it now! Once bitten, twice shy. I really am ashamed of myself that I can't seem to win the approval of the higher-ups around here, because I keep screwing it up. All I can do is crawl under my rock in shame and stick to writing fiction. And pray to God that I never get a bad error using the site. And that my money order and upgrade go through properly, because I can't afford to lose $100, yet I'm too afraid of being bitten again to post in Support about it.

BTW, my posts there were deleted, while the other user's, the person who according to what I was told had actually DONE something wrong, were just suspended. Mm-hm. Makes sense.

I went way too indepth on this here, sorry. I don't mean to be negative or offensive; I'm just very hurt by the response that I got, and afraid, too. Every day when I log in here I'm relieved to see my case is still yellow. Will there ever be a day when it's black again?

If so I don't think I'm ever coming out from under my rock, upgrade or no upgrade...you will be able to find me on some other site if that ever happens.

BTW, I got my account temporarily blocked at FFN as well (I'm having a really great week pissing off webmasters everywhere, it seems), but that one WAS my fault...still, it was on an item that had been posted for months and only one person noticed it, plus I had two other such items that broke rules in the same way yet weren't deleted by the site, PLUS I think it's kind of harsh to block an account for a WEEK on a first infraction, which means that now that I've finally been able to update my story there, the next part will be late...*sigh*...but I guess I got what was coming to me. They never said their punishment had to make sense. They COULD say what the punishment is in the rules...last I knew it wasn't stated. Hm. It'll just be two days late if they unblock me in time, I guess. There are now FOURTEEN people there with me on their favorites lists, and somebody else just discovered my story and left a positive review. Most reviews start along the lines of, "OMG THIS THING IS HUGE!!"

Maybe I will post a much better entry later on tonight. I have a lot of good writing links on my journal now so you can check them out and maybe post something good yourself! I hope somebody enjoys them. I love prompts; I just can't ever seem to get my butt in gear and write on them. Maybe sometime.

Tar...