12-19-02 @ 7:21 am EST

Five views! Five views! (Well, except for the last entry.) I've actually gotten up to five views again on my most recent entries! SOMEBODY'S CHECKING OUT MY JOURNAL! **dance**

Can't get so much as a note anymore at FOD, though...I wrote off an "anonymous" e-mail to the pay-site address, as they don't HAVE any tech support for FOD or TOD (the help section at TOD has NO WORKING LINKS!), telling them, "You DO know FOD hasn't been working for the past few days, don't you?"...coincidence or not, it was up again the next day. I posted about twenty entries (since they have a character limit per entry) in a row, but not ONE person stopped by to read one...sheesh...are my titles truly so boring, now?

I have several bitty things to talk about here today, none of them related, but oh well, that's your problem and not mine.

Firstly, my Googlism entry. I hope you enjoyed that site. For the record, these two sentences:

tehuti is delusional and
tehuti is deliberately misrepresenting herself

...refer to me. I thought I should explain. They were picked up from the lovely Four Board I ranted about way way back in this very journal. (I think the entries are entitled something like "'Be Considerate To Other Users'--Yah, Right" and "The Great Four Postscript," if you're interested, which you're probably not.) When I got angry and tried to tell people to back off and leave me alone, they called me hysterical and delusional. Well, if people are blatantly breaking the rules of the board in an attempt to flame you off, wouldn't you feel rather hysterical? You would if you're an emotional type, which I am...I never claimed I wasn't overly emotional, but based on how I was treated there, I think it was called for. The "deliberately misrepresenting" is actually from a post DEFENDING me, in which somebody said they didn't think I was doing so. (Deliberately misrepresenting myself, that is.) The main argument against me was that I didn't belong on the board (even though anybody was welcome to post, SUPPOSEDLY), because I wasn't a Four...but you'll find out the whole story if you read the back entries. According to site rules, they had no right to type me without my permission, yet they did even when I asked them not to...and IMO, the only person who can TRULY tell you your type is...yourself. I know I haven't read nearly enough on the subject to be an expert, but why do you have to be an expert to know yourself? We know ourselves better than anyone; doesn't that already make us experts?

All I know for certain is that when I first read about Type Four in an Enneagram book, I CRIED, because it sounded exactly like me. Yes, there's a lot of Six in me, as my test results say...plus I haven't had a balanced, completely stable life (for example I was TEASED and rejected all the time as a kid), which makes me a dysfunctional Four...but it doesn't make me a Six like they said. I'm just a Four who wants to be accepted for who I am, not a Six seeking validation. BLA BLA BLA! You probably don't even know what the hell I'm talking about here, so I'll meander onto another track of thought now.

I joined some journal-writing Groups! I want to learn how to journal better, MAYBE so more people will like my journal (not that it's really for anyone but myself, but...). But now that I'm in them I have no idea what to do. Gaagghkkbvfkdjfgak, I'm so messed up.

I saw Madonna's video for "Die Another Day" for the first time a couple of days ago. Holy carp. That thing is WEIRD. I believe she really DOES say, "Sigmund Freud--analyze this!" in the song. Whatever...the lyrics strike me as lame (WHAT do they have to do with James Bond?), but it DOES have a catchy beat, and...well...since I've seen that video, I haven't been able to get it out of my head. She plays three roles in it--Tortured Madonna, being, well, tortured, by some Korean baddies; White Madonna, a fencer dressed in white; and Black Madonna, her opponent, similarly dressed in black. While Tortured Madonna's getting all sorts of treatments (and laughing all the while), Black and White Madonna are going at each other like Spy Vs. Spy and crashing through all sorts of glass. I don't think I've ever seen so much glass shattering in one video. After seeing it, all I could keep thinking was, "Was that supposed to be Jungian?"

I think I dwell on Jung far too much... I couldn't believe they showed her being electrocuted in a chair, but she made it away somehow, so, I guess that's all right. Or something. o_O

Can't believe I haven't mentioned it yet, but Ma apparently said screw layaway, and got the CD burner. I would find it nice to use rewritable CDs to copy all my image files to; they take up much space. I don't know if we have the memory just to install the thing, though, and I don't know if I spelled "rewritable" right, so now I'm doubly confused.

Dad's down there working on the furnace again...just got it to warm up. Dumb thing. He has to go down there frequently in the middle of the night just to fix it. Glad it's not my job.

I helped Ma make her first bid on eBay last night. She wanted a dichroic glass pendant. If you've never seen dichroic glass, by all means, do an image search and see it. It's very pretty. She won the first item, but after my nap told me that she was interested in TWO more. I asked her if she was sure, and not to go nuts bidding; one time for the first time is enough. Still, she's interested; I advised her on waiting for the next-to-last minute to ever bid on anything, so at the moment, I'm sitting on two auctions here, waiting to see how they go. If nobody bids, I suppose I'll do it then. That'll make three bids, on Ma's first night at eBay. She was so confused at first..."How do I bid here? I have no idea!" It's very simple, but I took her through it anyway. Always wait until near the end, always check for payment methods (she almost bid on one that accepted only credit cards and electronic checks--we don't even have a normal checking account anymore!), and always check a seller's history. I will have to remind her to leave a friendly comment for the sellers if the products arrive as planned.

I myself hadn't been there in so long, I forgot the password, and it said you'd have to change the password and wait 24 hours to get a new one! The auction ended in 29 minutes, so it's a good thing I tried my regular password and it worked. I don't even remember changing it...huh. Oh well.

I just came across a journal entitled "My exploding head." Heh. That's me at times...

The big bloody pit they had in last night's episode of Law & Order, the dogfighting pit, gives me vague deja vu feelings like from my dreams...I wish I knew what was at the bottom of those. Deja vu feelings, I mean, not dog pits.

I feel sorry for fighting dogs. Put down because of some stupid-ass HUMAN who trained them to be monsters. I wish there was a way to rehabilitate them, the poor things. They can't help it that they're the way they are...it's HUMANS who made them that way. Who is the real animal in such cases?

Did I spell "rehabilitate" right? I seem to be awful with the spelling lately. I DID finish Part 102, and I guess I'll leave the title, but need to proofread still.

I would personally like to murder that hideous "man" (I use quotes because a real MAN wouldn't do this) who killed his girlfriend, kidnapped his children, then shot his little boy in the head and dumped him in a lake, and won't tell police where the other child is. He is a "father" only in that he donated sperm to help conceive the children. Licenses for procreation. I'm given new reasons for this idea every day. I am anti-death penalty but I can think of who I would much rather have lying in that lake with a bullet in his head. Swine. There's no name bad enough for a "person" like that.

And I think I'm done with this entry. Tar...is there anybody out there who ever wonders why I always end journal entries with "Tar"...?