01-14-03 @ 12:07 pm EST

The description on this journal just keeps getting longer and longer as people refuse to tolerate my request for no unasked-for advice. I'm wondering if I should just change the title and summary description to "My Life, My Journal, Not Yours" and "Please stop dictating my life for me, thank you."

I thought my "Web Journals" entry was damned clear enough with how frigging long it was, but I guess not. Once more, if the new description doesn't clarify it enough...Do not offer me unsolicited advice. Especially if that "advice" is nothing more than "Get off the computer and do something about it." I told these readers already...do you want to come here and drive me to a free psychologist, or make the appointment for me? And pay for it? Or will you please drive me to driver's ed and pay for a car for me? Because then I'll listen to you, but otherwise you are just blowing smoke out of your nose. Telling me to see a shrink when I can't afford it and can't get to one is useless, and telling me to take driver's ed when I can't drive there and don't have the money for a car or insurance isn't helpful. Find me a free psychiatrist/psychologist or a free car and pay for the insurance, and the time to drive me to either, and then I will thank you profusely.

I know this entry will be offensive when someone has just offered their opinion (no matter how angry I am, I never wish to hurt anyone's feelings, even now, if this entry is read by the person who inspired it), which they have the right to do, but I am SO DAMNED SICK AND TIRED of having to say it over and over again. I'm not looking for somebody to coddle me and say everything will be okay, but neither am I looking for those people who tell me to get a car when I can't even afford one or to go to a shrink when I can't even DRIVE to one. That is very out of touch with reality. Will a free car, license, and insurance or a free shrink just magically appear when I turn off this computer?

Those people don't even have any clue how terrified I am just addressing them in this entry. My arms are shaking, my fingers are cold, and a little voice is saying, "You shouldn't type this entry in anger; you'll regret it! Stop offering your opinion in your own journal; you know it's not worth the trouble! Just shut up and let them have at you!" I so badly wish I could stick these people in my head when I'm confronting a fear of mine. Then they could see how very simple it is. Not.

I have just one final thing to say to these "Get out of the house" "Get off your butt" "Go do something about it and quit whining" readers. And I really am wondering, though I know they won't respond. Because they NEVER respond to actual requests.

Where are all of you guys during my happy entries? Why do you never respond to them or share in my fleeting joy, readers? When I finish a new part of my story, or start a new one, or find some interesting myth, or take some beautiful pictures, or have fun with my cat, where are you guys? How come you selectively ignore those entries? If you're so concerned about my well being, why do you read only one bad entry and never come back for the good ones? Why don't you ever have any thoughtful words to say to me then?

It's almost like they're focusing on the negative in me, and overlooking the positive, no matter how tiny and seemingly insignificant it may be. My journal may be like 85-90% negative...but that means there is some positive in it as well. These people don't seem to see it. There are so many times when I crave somebody to share in my little bit of joy, but I know which people WON'T be doing that.

I'll try to make this my last mention of it, but I can't guarantee it. They get me so f**king mad trying to dictate my life and offering "advice" that amounts to crap. I realize I do make excuses--I never denied it--but sometimes an excuse is an excuse because it's TRUE. Again I see no one offering me a ride or a phone call or insurance money or any such. But I went over all of that in my other entry so I'll quit now. If they don't get it by now, they never will.

I'll never understand these people. They stop by, read one negative entry, and judge my entire life based on it...very sad.

Do you know what I was GOING to be doing in the time I spent writing this here entry?...I was going to write a positive letter to somebody who had actually made me feel good...but I don't have the time or right frame of mind now. Thanks a bunch. It'll have to wait until later, again.

Tar...