01-26-03 @ 2:15 am EST

I've been getting some borderline hurtful comments and ratings on my personal picture lately...I realize it's not the best, but I liked to think we were lenient when it came to personal pictures because most of us aren't professional photographers...I guess I can't take the comments and stars that come with that thing. I know it was not meant to be hurtful but I was called a Plain Jane last night and that stung very badly. I also got a 3.5 with another comment, and I KNOW that's likely what the pic deserves, but coming at the same time as the Plain Jane comment...it just hurt so much. I know that I'm not pretty; I just don't need to be told it.

So I'm not sure. I may put it on private if I get more ratings and comments. For now I'll stow it away in my private folder where nobody can reach it from my port. I've been getting a lot of low unexplained ratings lately that lead me to believe somebody has a vendetta and I tried very hard not to bring them up in here, but there's nowhere else I can talk about them. I tried somewhere else where I thought people would be openminded but was just told, "I wish you'd stop thinking about this! You KNOW you're a good writer, so stop worrying about what others think!" I thought others knew me better than that by now. If I COULD just stop thinking about it, wouldn't I have done that by now? What others think matters to me more than what I think. I KNOW I'm a good writer. But if others don't think so, then what does what I think matter? I can have the greatest faith in my own skills, but that means jack if nobody else thinks so. Every poor rating just reinforces this belief.

I was trying to be quiet and hoping this person would just move on and leave me alone. I seem to get good ratings only when I ask for them or when something is featured somewhere, but the average and bad ones sure do come along freely without the comments. I got a poor rating last night with a comment that made it sound like the person LIKED it, with GPs also. I really wish some people would explain their reasoning. That didn't help me know what was wrong with the item. I do know I gained a referral and now I'm wondering if I exulted too soon in my other journal. *sigh*

I just wish I wasn't breaking my own rule about not mentioning it, but my spirits are sinking a lot lower every time I check my stats and find more of these things. If somebody has a grudge, why can't they just go away? I'm not dinging anybody's items, and when I complain in here I'm not making anybody read it, so I wish somebody else would show some maturity too and leave me alone if they hate me so much.

I was just starting to unrestrict some things, but now I think I'll set them back the way they were. I don't want to deal with this, not again. I know I was stupid to think people would be lenient on my picture, which does suck, but I really didn't need to HEAR that it sucks, and I know my other items don't deserve that treatment.

I guess I don't know what I'm saying. I'm feeling very foolish right now for thinking anything. I was so dumb to post my picture here...maybe I'm dumb to post my writing also.