02-04-03 @ 7:06 am EST

I'm feeling mildly annoyed at the moment. I got a poor (2.5) rating with no comment, and that always bothers me. I just edited those items to make them more accessible, and I so hate when somebody doesn't comment. It always leads me to believe that they don't comment because they can't come up with anything better of their own. How often is that really true? Granted that it's a very average scene, but why couldn't they tell me what was wrong with it? I will not bite somebody's head off if they're tactful and honest about it.

I also got an average rating, with a comment, which I guess is better than nothing, though the comment didn't tell me what could be improved about the piece. Again it's likely a piece of average quality, but I really like to know what other people think. And I often wish these people who stop to rate one of my mediocre items would also at least check out my better stuff. Though maybe I shouldn't wish that? I think that some of them would probably rate it poorly too, out of spite, no matter how good it is. I KNOW I write better than a lot of people who regularly get fives around here. I'm not saying this to brag. I just say it in confusion because I can't figure out what's so bad about my writing that others don't like it that much. People tell me I write well, but when the proof does not back that up, what am I supposed to think?

I know I said it before and it does not apply to a handful of people I've named in here before, but the one-shot people, it seems they only show up to rate (and SOMETIMES comment) on my stuff when it's something they don't like. I really wish somebody new would stop by and like something of mine, enough to come back more than once. Where are the people who like everyone else's writing and why don't they ever stop by mine? I don't look for brainless fawning, but I know I'm not a mediocre writer, at least compared to many here. I have to shut up; I'm sounding very vain, and I hate it when that happens. You see what happens when I try to have a bit of faith in my ability? I just sound like a big head.

I can't comment on Columbia right now because I would probably end up ranting at people who do not deserve it. Suffice it to say that the thought that there are spacecraft in the sky that are almost as old as I am rattles me, and makes me take a look at how old the planes we ride on are. They are about the same in age. We don't even ride around in CARS that long before retiring them. Maybe it's time something was changed about all that.

I am just feeling so annoyed right now that I can't come up with a decent entry. Is it really just the ratings that are getting me that upset? Or something else? I hate it when I don't know why I'm upset. I was just added to the Journal Ring, which makes me happy because I wasn't certain Skew was good enough. I know my journal has its crappy parts, which is like 80% of it, if not more. Compared to other journals it often feels like so much drek. It has not had any comments but I noticed it has had some more visits than usual even though I haven't posted for the past couple of days. Will I someday post something that makes somebody think? That somebody truly likes? Probably not...I'd like to think I would, but most likely not...

I haven't done any more writing in the meantime. :( I'm so lazy. I really wanted to work harder at it. I just started a sort of writing log on another site and it feels dumb to start it and then stop writing! I really need to work on Part 109 more. All I've done is an e-mail and posted some of my dreams to DreamJournal. I'm so behind there. There are just so many things you have to check and look over when adding one, that it flusters me, and I've decided to just post the dreams and edit them for all those specifics later. I LIKE the specifics, but they're so tedious!

Things have me feeling very guilty lately too, with the e-mails I owe. I can never seem to get over that. I feel as if everybody will think I'm snubbing them, when the truth is I'm just too anxious to respond. That eBay guy FINALLY e-mailed me back to ask me if I was using Hotmail with filters--puh-leeze! I think he just didn't get around to my earlier e-mails. We don't HAVE any e-mail filters set. But now I'M putting off e-mailing HIM--sheesh! What is my problem?

I added a new entry to my dream journal here the other day: Tornado In The Sky, Books On The Mountain I was going to post it here, then decided that since it was a dream entry and nothing more, it rightly belonged over there. I should stick to that more often. Though if a dream really spurs (is that the right word?) an entry, I might put it here too.

Did you know that on February 1st I planned on posting an entry that said, "Goodbye, January! Hello, February!"? See how events changed my mind on that...

The snows have finally come here and the weather is deteriorating, plus my stomach hurts, so I have to go...I really wish I had a better entry to post, but this is it. :(

I often look at and enjoy others' journals but never comment just because their journaling is so good compared to mine, I would feel like a speck even just saying a word. Does anybody else ever feel that? I don't think I will get a reply but I thought I'd ask...