03-02-03 @ 8:19 am EST

It's March! Ever closer to spring. In Michigan March almost always comes in like a lamb and goes out like a lion. It came in like a lamb, but the wind has picked up today. I'm betting there will be at least one more huge dump of snow before the month is out...then an interminable melting period...and then a week of summer before fall sets in.

;)

Meanwhile everything outside has gained that dingy, washed-out look. That's all right by me. Sunshine in winter depresses me. It's supposed to be CLOUDY and GLOOMY in winter, so it feels better to be stuck inside. When I can't go outside for some reason (I'm very averse to the cold), I'm happier when it's gloomy. Maybe it's reverse SAD or something.

I'm getting ever closer to finishing updating my dreams journal. I think I have 145 out of 172(?) entries copied over there so far, but separated it totals 427. Soon I'll have the longest journal there, not that it matters. I still have yet to go through them all and add the recurring symbols, but that's for later and not now.

Dumb cat is trying to get outside by jumping at the door. Stupid.

The primary rule of that dream journal site is to use the journals ONLY for dreams, but there are always some idiots who insist on agreeing to the TOS, then break them and post regular entries anyway. It pisses me off. The webmistress posted a very vicious letter sent to her by somebody who had been allegedly using her journal to "work on her book" (yeah, right--her spelling was so lousy I bet she needed all the work she could get!). She bitched and moaned that her journal had been deleted without notice--why couldn't the cruel webmistress have at least warned her? Even if she had warned her, she was a mean old hag to have read private entries and deleted the journal! It SAYS right in the TOS (which this moron admitted she had not read--"Why be so mean just because I didn't read the TOS?"--dolt!) that the webmistress has the right to screen private journals to make sure they're being used properly--and she screens ONLY the first entry (more than generous, IMO). If this dipwad didn't have the brains to at least try to disguise her journal as a dreams journal, then she deserved what she got. She deserved it anyway. Stupid moron. Then to have the gall to complain about it and threaten to write to all her friends (150 of them--yah right!) and tell them how bad the site was...I bet she would not have the guts to tell them the little detail about ignoring the TOS she agreed to! Dumb bimbo. Her letter was borderline threatening ("Guess what I dreamed? I dreamed I saw you in a pool of blood!") and everyone who replied to it agreed that the webmistress was in the right. How could she not be? This moron practically admitted that she had broken the rules, she was just pissed off that she got caught. Fitting!

I understand when somebody can occasionally overlook parts of a TOS, especially if it's buried in all the indemnity clauses and stuff (I somehow missed the multiple accounts deal when I first signed up here), but to actively overlook the ENTIRE thing pisses me off. It's like a lot of the people who sign up here and ask very basic questions like "How do I post an item??" or "How do I make text bold??" I had trouble with links and a little bit of trouble understanding item ratings when I first got here, but that was about it. Almost everything somebody needs to know about the basics is included in the TOS and help section. I ALWAYS read those before joining a site. (Remember my older entry about how I might not have read the TOS of that one journal site thoroughly thus I broke the rules and was warned by the webmaster? I DID read them thoroughly, it's just that the rule I broke was not specified clearly in them! The main page says the journals are COMPLETELY uncensored and to post whatever you want; the TOS have a vague comment about not posting illegal material, I think, but even that part was foggy, and I had no idea that my clearly stated FICTION was illegal, when it said in big bold print that nothing was censored. I even went back and looked and NOWHERE did the TOS say that what I did was against the rules! So there! I'm proven right again! Clarify the TOS, I'm not an effing mind reader.) I will never understand why so many people do not just take the time to read the rules BEFORE signing up, or at least AFTER, before asking very basic questions. Yes, not all people are as "adept" at using the Net as I am (and I am most likely a Net idiot), but some things, you should just be able to figure out on your own. I truly get the feeling that many newbies (NOT all--perhaps the majority are silent because they are smart enough to do this!) just don't feel like bothering to click on the links and find out for themselves.

Okay, enough of that rant. I already subjected a poor moderator to that and got 1000 unexpected GPs out of it, so I think I've babbled enough!

I rather wish that the people whose journals I read would stop by and read mine from time to time. I know it's selfish of me, and I would never want them to read mine out of obligation, hence I never ask anyone to review anything of mine in return for my unsolicited reviews. (Hence I don't get many return reviews...very frustrating. But that's not my point.) But I wish they would be interested in me as I am in them. It makes me feel incredibly boring, that the few times I find other people interesting (I admit that I'm self-centered--not vain, but very self-centered--hence it's hard for me to show interest in other people's lives), they do not find me interesting in return. I feel guilty just admitting this, not that my posting it will change anything...they cannot know I want them to read this if they aren't reading it, can they? But it's still bothersome to me. Sometimes I feel our entries are on the same level of quality, so I can't understand why they interest more people, and I do not. Maybe I'm overestimating myself by comparing myself to them, though. Most of them seem to be moderators, so a lot more people must like them than they like me.

Kitty's acting up and I may have to lock him in the bathroom in a moment.

I've been browsing computer art galleries and such. I found one that was called "Cthulhu People" or some such, photographic images of a man merged with pictures of seashells and octopi and stuff and they were very strange and interesting. I don't usually care for artsy things as art, like poetry, is very subjective--what everyone else drools over, I cannot comprehend--I just like pretty things. But I did enjoy some of the exhibits anyway. Others, yes, I hated. If your idea of art is some vague boxes placed at different angles, or some random smears of paint/pixels, then do not count me as a fan.

I feel like pouring my heart into something at the moment, but have no idea what. E-mails, writing, drawing...all of it. But I haven't the motivation or inspiration. :( I'm glad at least for the continued comments on RTMI. I think I said it already, but I think the real reason I started the sequel so soon is because I missed the interaction that came with comments. MI was the only project of mine that really got any attention, and once it was over, I knew I would miss that. I need interaction, or I'll feel far too insulated. I fear that. I need attention too much.

Plus if I waited as long as I intended to start it, the site would probably go belly-up first; this IS the Internet, after all.

I wish I could create some of my own abstract art. It looks so...freeing. I've long been intrigued by outsider art, created by those on the margins of society. But just like with free-verse poetry, I can't seem to do it. Things have to have a sort of order when I do them, a sort of perfection, so I can get a sense of when a project is complete. When I write free verse, it is just a jumble of confused, lame prose disguised as wannabe poetry. When I try to do abstract art, it's just meaningless scribbles with no point to me. How do others do it so easily?

I also want to learn how to lucid dream. But I'm not sure if I'm able.

Dumb kitty is now trying to get downstairs. Grrrr!!

That Cthulhu People reminded me, the third person reading my series hasn't been onsite in quite a while...at least, he hasn't commented since around Part 95 or some such...I hope he's doing all right. Sometimes I worry about him because he's gone for long periods. I hope it's just busyness elsewhere.

I'm hoping that March and onward will be better months for Skew. Honestly I just have not felt like writing journal entries. I don't know why. This sort of apathy has overcome me and I'm not sure what's caused it. I hate it when I don't understand why I'm feeling a particular way.

I wish I had some pizza rolls. :(

I'm off to look for pretty wallpapers and such now...maybe I can come up with something more interesting later? I'm not sure, but I thought I'd say that anyway since at least it's something to say.

Tar...