04-11-03 @ 6:11 pm EDT

Originally posted at 04-11-03 @ 5:41 pm EDT.

I intended to send an e-mail immediately after that last entry hoping to clarify something before the wrong idea could be gotten but just then the toilet overflowed...or rather I overflowed it. I'd wanted to work on my story for 20 minutes and instead I overflowed the toilet, didn't get to work on my story at all, and got to bed somewhat late (not that the last is anything new). I had to log off and call Ma at work since I had no idea what to do. It was like a nightmare coming true. I've literally had recurring nightmares of the toilet overflowing when I'm alone. Well, it finally happened and it was my fault. Ma came home and plunged it, helped me clean up (I'd already cleaned up the floor, but couldn't think of anything else to do...it was almost as bad as the time I found ants in my room, it wasn't really that messy, but I hate filth of any kind), and insisted that sometimes things just couldn't be helped, but I felt so stupid. 26 years old and I can't even plunge a toilet. The only thing that told me it wasn't a nightmare was how easily I remembered the number for work.

In my dreams I can never dial the phone correctly, even to call 911 (and we don't even have 911 in my area--you have to dial xxx-x911).

I feel so tired and awful today. I had to drag myself out of bed. I wish I had better reasons to wake up than just to obsessively record my shows and go online to check mail and forums and such. I feel like I could curl up and sleep forever. -_- I never did get that e-mail sent.

Edited to add: I have not read over my last entry nor do I intend to, lest I start second-guessing myself or regretting any of it. Like I said toward the end (I think), it wasn't meant to be an angry or accusing entry. I was just trying to sort out and clarify some of my thoughts.