04-20-03 @ 12:15 pm EDT

I am so humiliated!! Ma just asked me if I was bitching, as I'm sitting typing up a dream entry. I asked her in what manner. She said if I was bitching online. I said no, though that could always change later on. She told me to be happy because SHE WENT TO BLURTY AND SAW THAT ALL I DO IS BITCH!!!

MY MOM READ MY JOURNAL!! I could die! I hope she read only a few entries...she didn't mention the Chronicles...I am so embarrassed! I can't believe she did that! D***:>

I used to always keep myself logged in everywhere...I just logged myself out of Diaryland, Blurty, LiveJournal, and I had better start logging myself out of here, too, when I get off. I feel very unsafe now. If she read that, what else would she read? I have the Chronicles stored in plain sight on the computer! Sure, they have very boring names like a001-nehekhi-ameni.html, but she could always open them right up. I thought I could trust her with things like that; I really did think that if she were to see that something was my journal, she'd back away. If it were her journal, I would! I so hope now that I told her not to read that that she doesn't go back! I hate the feeling of not being able to trust my own PARENTS!

I hate having my Net security compromised. I hate having to log out of everywhere, but I can't think of anything else to do. I know I brought this on myself by not being more secure, but I really didn't think she would do that. I guess I'm glad that she wants me to be happy, but I'm so embarrassed that she saw that all I do is bitch! I made a dumb excuse that when I type in my journal of course what I want to do is bitch, but AAGGGHHH!!! <:(

So my comment about possibly bitching later stands, as that's what I guess I'm doing now. I'M SO EMBARRASSED!! I hope to God she did not check out my links...the Chronicles are there...I hope she isn't curious about what I'm talking about when I talked about editing them...and goes looking for them on the hard drive...UGH!!

This entry will be posted much later in my other journals as I have already logged out of those and don't feel like logging back in right now! I AM SO HUMILIATED!!

I know, it could be a lot worse, I think if she'd seen anything REALLY bad she'd be screeching about gay erotica right now but it's the feeling of a SWORD DANGLING OVER MY HEAD that's a million times worse! If I can't trust my parents who can I trust?? >_<