04-22-03 @ 7:13 pm EDT

I wonder why it is that whenever I seem to just "click" with somebody they never seem to click back. It's very hard for me to show real interest in another person's life, because I'm so absorbed in my own. Therefore whenever I do, it's a rare thing. But no matter how much I hope this other person will just try to take a look at me in return, no matter how alike we are on some matters, they can never be bothered to. At the most I get a "Thanks for noticing," but that's all. I can fawn all over somebody and they won't even notice it. They'll gush with their circle of other friends, but no matter how much I commiserate with them, I'll never be a part of that circle.

Why is that? Only with the people I really AM interested in? How come there's never any reciprocation?

This started way back with the girl who I wrote to about her Egyptian stories and despite my constant encouragement and my three past e-mails she never responded again, and continues to this day with just about everybody else whose lives I peek into.

I have been called narcissistic for talking so much about me, me, me...but "me" is what I know best. "Show interest in other people and they will show interest in you," I have been told. So once in a while I step out of my shell and look around. I've learned that it usually isn't true.

So what is the point of looking beyond yourself if nobody else wants to do the same? Are we all self-absorbed narcissists and some of us are just better at disguising it than others? Or do I just have the bad luck of picking all the wrong people? It's hard to believe my luck can be that consistently bad...