04-22-03 @ 2:38 am EDT

Hm. I'm starting to get puzzled now. Part 11's been out for about a week and so far no ratings or comments...usually that thing is read pretty quickly. In fact I think the reason I lost most interest in working on my other writings was because I knew they wouldn't get many quick comments, whereas the Manitou Island series usually draws attention. So I focused on those instead...but I'm not sure what to think. I know that at least one reader is busy, but I don't know about the other two. The silence is beginning to bother me.

I tried to shrug it off and started work on Part 12 yesterday, but it's still niggling at me.

I'm not sure if he reads this, but--P., if you do, you can send me an e-mail any time you wish. I'm not nagging you to do so--just letting you know that I don't mind if you write to me unprompted even if I haven't written one to you. In fact sometimes second e-mails jog me into replying when I'm dallying. I responded to your...I can't remember what it was now, agh! >_< The e-mail you sent before your computer trouble, I think it was (thank you very much for letting me know that was what the problem was!), and to the story e-mail, but the reason I haven't sent another one is because I'm not sure what to write about. I'm much better when I have something to respond to, so you can feel free to e-mail me whenever you wish and depending on what's in it I can get back with one of those long e-mails. I know that there are too many times when I don't reply, and I hate that I do that, but often another e-mail does jog me into doing so. I might not reply just because I'm not sure what to say; so the more there is for me to reply to, the greater my chances of doing so. :)

I don't know if that made the least bit of sense, but oh well. The same goes for anyone else who doesn't feel like bothering me with e-mail because I haven't responded in the past. There are three primary reasons I fail to respond to things and those are these:

* If you are somebody who has just contacted me for the first or maybe second time, or we have not had regular or semiregular communication, I may not reply if I feel we are not compatible. I got a friendly e-mail response to an entry of mine and I have been meaning to reply to it but I read this person's journal and there was an entry in there that I disagree with on a personal level, and it's an issue I feel is important in getting to know and like somebody (it's about sexual orientation stereotypes); so that's the reason I've delayed responding to that person, not because I don't appreciate what they had to say--for it WAS nice of them--but because I feel I would disagree with them and make things unpleasant. I hate to admit it but there ARE some issues with people's beliefs/opinions that will prohibit me from wanting to know them better or communicate with them regularly; it's a personal flaw of mine. That's an extreme example; usually I may not reply to said people just because we have no common ground to stand on, thus I know we would not be able to write meaningful e-mails to each other. (Remember my complaints about responses to my penpal ads, the people who respond with "Hi I'd love to write, e-mail me!"...I can't really respond to something if I have nothing to say, nothing to "click" over.) I'm very awful at telling somebody upfront that I don't want to communicate with them because we have nothing in common or because I disagree with them about something; that would be very rude, even ruder than not replying. It's kind of a double bind or something for me; can't win either way. :/

* I may be going through a severely avoidant phase. This is often with people I know and write to semiregularly or regularly (as regularly as *I* write, which is not regularly >_< ). I can't explain these or why I get them or for how long they last. You may notice an absence of journal entries here when I'm going through one of these; they are often sparked by a feeling of guilt on my part, and I retreat from everything rather than admit I owe people something. That includes retreating from e-mailing people back, hence aggravating the problem. Sorry; the only advice I can give is for you to not give up on e-mailing me if you really wish me to reply. As I said above, sometimes it takes another e-mail or two before I can gain the courage to respond to somebody. Also, more than one e-mail might give me enough material to write a reply e-mail; I'm awful at responding to very short/general ones, for some reason. I just always feel like I must say more than just "Hi! How are you? I'm having a nice day." I don't know why; maybe I feel I need to personalize my letters more than that? :/

* And lastly, the reason I gave above; I may not reply if the e-mail I would be replying to is short, if it has few things in it I can come up with a decent response to, or if the other person has not sent me an e-mail first. I'm the worst person at initiating things; others have to take that step. That's why whenever somebody says, "If you ever need to talk to me, I'm here" I never do so...so if you want me to get back to you, again, just keep trying and I'm bound to write a good letter at some point. It's nothing personal unless it's the first reason I gave here, and even that reason isn't because I don't like you. I just need things to reply TO before I can reply. Those of you I have written to, honestly, how many times have you gotten an unexpected e-mail from me, just out of the blue? I don't really do that very often and when I do it's a date to mark on the calendar, unless it's your birthday and I'm sending you a 'Gram or something. If you ever get an unprompted e-mail from me you should be really surprised. O_O

All that having been said...I keep meaning to ask them outright, but I feel it would be rude of me. So maybe I'll post it here. If you're somebody I've known for a while (somebody I have e-mailed at least a few times in the past, if you frequently comment on my writing and I frequently comment back, if I'm in regular contact with you on a website we frequent, and/or if I have known you for the past year or so--you guys should know who you are)...if you ever feel like it, and trust me (for whatever bizarre reason), if you send me your snail-mail address I could try to send you a postcard, and vice-versa. Someone from here (Writing.com) replied to my postcard entry and suggested that when they get settled that we exchange addresses and they send me one and I send them one. I don't mean to get into a whole huge postcard-trading ring as I could never afford the postage, but it would be nice to send a few and receive a few. I'm not sure if I could send any internationally (I live in Michigan, don't understand international postage well, and don't have much money to toss around), but if I could figure that out maybe I could try. It depends on how many, I guess.

I hope I don't regret posting that offer! o_O; If you say yes or send your address and I do NOT get back to you, please don't be offended, it's only because I don't know you well enough. There are a few people I've decided that, eh, what could it hurt if they know my snail-mail address. I really hope my intuition is right on this one. >_< Oh, if you send me your address, you needn't worry about it getting passed around or about getting anything weird or about me showing up on your doorstep someday. I can't offer any proof of my trustworthiness, but I assure you I'm not a wacko who will stalk you. I'm too avoidant to be a stalker, can't you see? I would need my mom to drive me if I wanted to show up on your porch, and that would be kind of a deterrent. ^_^

Oh yeah, BTW, the postcards around here aren't anything special, just the regular touristy junk with pictures of Mackinac Island and deer and stuff on them. o_o And it might take me a bit as I would have to wait until shopping day to go buy them, and then I would have to beg for postage, but I'd get them out somehow in this century. ^_^ And if you want to know what sort of postcards I myself like, I LOVE nature scenes, especially if they are from your own living area--the local tourist attractions and such, like mountains and waterfalls and rocks and forests etc. I don't much care for shots of animals, buildings/sites (unless they're historic, like rustic barns with hex symbols or the Alamo or Civil War battlefields--those are cool), people, vehicles, cartoons, or really general shots that could have come from anywhere, but if those are the only ones available, that's fine; I understand limitations. Like I said it probably couldn't be a regular back-and-forth thing, but I would love to send one now and then, and get one now and then in return. If you could stomach a buttload of Mackinac Island and Lake Huron shots. ^_^

Well, now that I will probably regret having said all of that, I think I'm done. I have to go to the bathroom and find something to do...tar.

Edited to add: If we don't know each other well and you would still REALLY like a postcard from my area, you can feel free to e-mail me your snail-mail address and I will still try to send one, albeit without my own address attached, if you'd trust me with that info. I wouldn't blame you for not trusting me, but I thought I'd toss that out there anyway. Who knows, maybe somebody is dying for a Mackinac Island postcard or something. :)