06-12-03 @ 11:29 am EDT

Tiny little things are making me cry a flood of tears when I'm alone lately. I hope it's just the hormones. It IS that time, but I felt just fine until yesterday morning. Not in the least bit sad at all.

Two people have commented that they think what I came to in my last entry was mistaken. I hope that they're right and I'm wrong for a change. I can't stand the thought that the thing I love most in the world could be the very thing which has screwed me up so much. Normally such a thought wouldn't set me off so badly...it wasn't until hours later that I even considered that maybe I had my idea backwards...but I don't know. I just really want to be wrong. I DO take refuge in fantasy, and you know what they say about people who do that too much...

I bid on one book at eBay--First People Of Michigan--yesterday, but lost...it looks like it would have been interesting, too. About the Algonquin tribes. It mentioned "Spirit Stones." Such things really DO exist. Just not in the way I thought them up. From what I could learn at Google they're monolithic-type rocks either set up at certain locations or found as they are and believed to be sacred to the manitous. (manitou = spirit) I've never heard of those before. Would've been nice to have that book.

I just won Egyptian Legends & Stories, though...the seller has been relisting it repeatedly...why wasn't anyone interested in buying it? I hope it's worth the $9.99. I'm also interested in Indians Of The Woodlands: From Prehistoric Times To 1725, The Complete Gods & Goddesses Of Ancient Egypt (do I have this one already?--I'll have to look), and Indian Legends From The Northern Rockies, but who knows if I'll get them...they all have bids. I suppose I have enough to read if I don't get them.

I got an odd review yesterday that leads me to believe the reader thought I was a man...at least he said he was relieved to find Skew, not written by a female writer...it says "I'm your hostess, Tehuti" on the front page, but my username is masculine and I suppose it can be misleading. I hope he does not hate Skew now because I'm not male. I feel very awkward. :/

I went and cast my natal chart at AstroDienst and this is what I am (some of which I knew already, but most of which I always forget):

Tehuti
Fr., Oct. 8 1976
Petoskey, MI (US)
84w57, 45n22

Time: 7:37 PM
Univ. Time: 23:37
Sid. Time: 19:08:05

Natal Chart
Method: Web Style/Placidus
Sun sign: Libra
Ascendant: Taurus

Sun: 15 Lib 48'30" (house: 6)
Moon: 24 Ari 17'45" (house: 12)
Mercury: 28 Vir 0'12" (house: 6)
Venus: 15 Sco 40'21" (house: 7)
Mars: 0 Sco 5'28" (house: 6)
Jupiter: 0 Gem 35'28"r (house: 1)
Saturn: 14 Leo 40'54" (house: 5)
Uranus: 6 Sco 8'4" (house: 7)
Neptune: 11 Sag 46'51" (house: 8)
Pluto: 11 Lib 45'42" (house: 6)
Mean Node: 4 Sco 20'3" (house: 7)
True Node: 3 Sco 30'39" (house: 7)
Chiron: 0 Tau 13'36"r (house: 12)

More things I picked up from looking at the chart...I'm not sure if I'm stating these in the correct astrological terms, but I've never completely understood aspects anyway. I had to look up the symbols just to figure out what they meant.

Sun--Opposition--Moon
Sun--Semi-sextile--Venus
Sun--Bi-quintile--Jupiter
Sun--Sextile--Saturn
Sun--Sextile--Neptune
Sun--Conjunction--Pluto
Sun--Square--MC (whatever that is)
Moon--Opposition--Mars
Moon--Trine--Saturn
Moon--Conjunction--Chiron
Moon--Conjunction--AC
Moon--Square--MC
Mercury--Trine--Jupiter
Mercury--Semi-square--Saturn
Mercury--Quintile--Neptune
Venus--Square--Saturn
Venus--Conjunction--Uranus
Venus--Sextile--MC
Mars--Quincunx/Inconjunct--Jupiter
Mars--Conjunction--Uranus
Mars--Conjunction--True Node
Mars--Opposition--Chiron
Mars--Opposition--AC
Jupiter--Semi-sextile--Chiron
Jupiter--Semi-sextile--AC
Jupiter--Bi-quintile--MC
Saturn--Square--Uranus
Saturn--Trine--Neptune
Saturn--Sextile--Pluto
Saturn--Quincunx/Inconjunct--MC
Uranus--Conjunction--True Node
Uranus--Opposition--Chiron
Uranus--Opposition--AC
Neptune--Sextile--Pluto
Pluto--Square--MC
True Node--Opposition--Chiron
True Node--Opposition--AC
True Node--Quintile--MC
Chiron--Conjuntion--AC

Cardinal: Moon, Sun, Pluto, MC
Fixed: Saturn, Chiron, AC, Venus, Mars, Uranus, True Node
Mutable: Neptune, Jupiter, Mercury

Fire: Moon, Saturn, Neptune
Air: Sun, Pluto, Jupiter
Earth: MC, Chiron, AC, Mercury
Water: Venus, Mars, Uranus, True Node

I just noticed from looking at the chart that most of my things seem to be gathered around the Descendant, or whatever it would be called...opposite my Ascendant. Or whatever. They're all gathered over in Libra and Scorpio like they're conspiring against me. Poor Moon and Chiron are huddled by Aries. Neptune and Saturn and Jupiter are off doing their own things elsewhere. Typical.

There's some more stuff about declinations and longitudes and latitudes but I don't want to type it up and I don't understand it anyway. What is "MC" and how come the "True Node" pops up a lot but the "Mean Node" is ignored? I would guess that "AC" is "Ascendant" but then I have no clue what "MC" means.

What I was getting at anyway...not a Cancer or a Pisces anywhere in my chart. The only water sign is Scorpio...in which are my Mars and Venus and Uranus...the two "sex planets" in the "sex sign"...go figure, huh?

I don't outright dispute astrology...it's obvious I think it can be used as a good psychological tool. Sometimes, though, it just seems to be "off"...my dad for example is a Pisces, and he is the most un-Pisces person I swear you would ever meet. He is not sensitive and peaceful and a doormat at the least. He should have been a Taurus. And I have never understood how I haven't so much as a single Pisces or Cancer ANYWHERE in my chart, yet have so many Scorpios. The one water sign I do have, and it's the ONE of the three that I'm least like...unless you're reading my Chronicles, I guess. I could always chalk THOSE up to Venus and Mars in Scorpio. :/

I thought I had something else to say but I spent too long on this (again...) and I wanted to try to...well, write something. I never thought that saying that would make me feel so awkward.