06-11-03 @ 3:14 am EDT

I've received some confirmation from a couple of readers on the BS website that the plot additions to the Ameni Chronicles help rather than hinder the writing, as they explain the social interactions of the fantasy society and help deepen the story.

This makes me feel a measure of relief that my revisions aren't totally wasted after all. :) I greatly respect the members of that website, as most of them are older and more experienced in things than I am, and I sense that most of them are smarter than I am as well. I'm certain they would never claim such a thing, but it's a feeling I receive. I browse much more there than post, because many of the topics, while interesting, are simply beyond my comprehension. Even when I do post about the things I know, I feel awkward, because all of them seem to know so much more than I do--their very posts, with references to things I've never even HEARD of before, prove this--and I'm always afraid of appearing ignorant, even if there's nothing inherently wrong with that.

My own intelligence is primarily an intuitive one. I sense emotions, and act on them, and react to them. I create things out of nothing or out of very little, and expand on them. I'm better with the big picture than with details--you'll notice I can go on for pages about a fantasy I've created based on Egyptian mythology, but when it comes to such intricacies as priestly rituals and exact costumes and such, I have nothing to say. I just can't pick up on the tiny little things; I can only speak in broader terms.

I can take a character, give them a personality, and spend an entire novel describing their interactions with others, but I can't even go into the details of Charmian's life in Petoskey because even though I used to go to Petoskey every day for college, I could not accurately depict the location without tipping somebody off that I didn't know everything I was talking about. (The reason I have scrapped tentative plans for a second MI sequel set in modern-day--or even primitive unsettled--Petoskey.) I only feel safe in writing so indepth about Mackinac Island because I KNOW the natural formation of that place--from repeated experience. I can write about my hometown, Cheboygan, in D Is For Damien because I know it, for the most part. But if you look carefully you'll notice the very tiny details are always missing--street names...which direction to take to reach somewhere...what side of the river or Island the sun sets on (well, I know THAT one, at least as far as the Island is concerned, but I'll be damned if I can figure out where it sets in Cheboygan, unless I'm standing in my front yard looking at it!)...distances...things such as that. Take a look at Horus and at daily lives in my Island stories and you'll notice all the little details missing. This is because I just don't know them, and I can't write what I don't know. If something is based off of fact, I don't feel comfortable making up too much lest I screw up what truth I do make use of. Hence even my well-researched Horus, IMO, rings false to me.

This is the reason the Indians on Manitou Island aren't Ojibwa, but are based on the Ojibwa...so I could just breeze over what I don't really know and have no way to find out. It's also the reason I feel awkward whenever somebody who KNOWS Egypt or follows the Kemetic faith reads my Kemet stories...all I can think is, "Will they see what a fraud I am?"

This is why, even though I KNOW I am relatively intelligent, I feel everyone else knows a lot more about everything than I do. I have intuitive intelligence, but that only gets one so far. It does not help when one is in a cerebral community. Hence the comments that I got on the Chronicles meaning a lot to me, because IMO this is a tough bunch of people to impress. They have jobs, lives, families, advanced schooling, and so much experience with everything! Real-world experience. And meanwhile here I am, an unemployed, unvinvolved adult sitting at a computer every day, eating too much chocolate and writing stories that most people will not read--living vicariously, never for myself. How much true experience can one get from living on the page? All I can do is dream and put words down in print--and at times, I don't even know how good I am at THAT. I just do not feel experienced enough in the world to write many of the things I write; even my opinions do not carry nearly as much weight as others', for while most others' opinions are formed based on facts and evidence, mine are mostly based on how I feel and react. The most I can say for evidence is "I read somewhere..." I know, one does not need to back up opinions, but it sure helps your case when you do.

So to be told by people who I know are MUCH smarter than I am--in ways that are applicable to the REAL world, not just to emotions and fantasy--really helps make me feel better, at least for now. I'll keep revising.


AkkkGAH, I have me another flying squirrel! ^_^ It's currently in Katchoo's old cage...I'm glad I cleaned that not long ago...it seems to be a smaller one. Coz is currently sitting atop it...grrrr...I should zap him. Ma wants to cart it off somewhere far away in the morning so I guess we keep it until then, but I feel very sorry for it if it ends up far from home and confused. Do these things adapt well to new territories? Poor squirrel. :(