06-20-03 @ 8:10 am EDT

Well, I've unrestricted almost everything in my port. Even my main folders should be available to the public. Skew and Skew 2 still remain restricted out of necessity (paranoia), though I'm toying with the idea of slightly unrestricting them (still to members only, but lower than they are now); I guess I'll hold off on that until I'm going to be online for an extended period of time, so I can restrict them again immediately if need be. "Stone Hand" I also kept restricted to members...dunno why, just felt like doing it that way. And the "Lover's Leap" folder is restricted to members as my mom once wanted to know how to navigate the site, and I would rather she not see that particular folder if she happens by my port. The chances are minimal that she'll ever regain that interest; plus she could click on the "Ameni Chronicles" link I have on my port and access it from there, but that's just a risk I'll have to take. Sometimes I think it'd just be better if she found out about that side of my writing; then it wouldn't be dangling over my head all the time. Then I slap myself and tell myself to get over that thought as stupid.

I'm just hoping that he has moved on elsewhere, found something better to do, now that his accounts are gone, and that I can move on too. I WAS willing to move on after "Open Letter," but he wasn't. Thus all the restricting, for over a year. I might mention him from time to time, but this is just because of the way I am (you've seen how things that have hurt me tend to stick in my mind), not out of any desire to drag it out further. In fact I have barely mentioned him in here since all that, and my last entry dedicated to him in Skew 2 was from January. I only want to be able to let things go and move on, and post and show off what I want to here without fearing some sort of misplaced vengeance. I gave my apologies almost two years ago...it's not my fault they weren't satisfactory.

If I start getting hit with hate ratings, no matter who from, I suppose I can start restricting again, though I hate that thought...*sigh*

I added a little blue intro to Part 1 of the Chronicles. The average rating of it was brought down by a hate rater and by somebody who rated it 3.5, neither with any comments. The other seven ratings are 4.5-5, four of them with comments, so I just have to take it to mean that the story IS good else the two who didn't like it so much would have had something to critique me on. I really do believe this by now, that dings come out of jealousy or spite (I've noticed that whenever people post "personal" polls and surveys, asking for advice on something in their ports, those items tend to get lots more unexplained lower ratings for some reason--at least, every time I've posted something like that, it has), because most people, if they feel they can do better, will at least show you up out of superiority or will try to help you do better, out of helpfulness. It's still annoying to get dings, though. The reason why I can't understand why they've allowed unrateable items (even if they don't show up in the listings--kind of negates their very purpose, doesn't it?), but not items that disallow ratings without comments. On a writing site I just expected the writer to have more control over how much feedback they do/don't get; I can't understand why the reader has most of that power, instead. I guess it's all about money though. *shrug*

Anyway, if anyone reads the item and sees the blue intro I'll probably expect yet more dings, because there seems to be this unexplainable bias against writers sounding too adamant about feedback, too...some things I will never understand about this site, I suppose. For example, how come there's such a huge emphasis and lots of harping on rating TRUTHFULLY, yet not on reviewing? Even truthful ratings mean only so much; they mean little without reviews. Yet if one brings up how reviews should be mandatory too, there's this big backlash from a sizable minority on the site, as if the very idea is counterproductive to writing...but I'll move on from that.

I really wanted that BPD book from eBay, but didn't get it...*sigh* There was a flurry of bidding near the end when I wasn't able to be online so I missed out. I also refused to bid higher because I think it's available at Amazon for cheaper than the final bid was; don't these bidders ever check that? It just seems a book's availability and price on other sites should figure in to how much someone is willing to bid, and last I knew, Amazon DID accept checks. (I don't know about money orders though.) I'm kind of glad that the winning bid went to the person who bid on the book in the first place, rather than to the person who kept trying to outbid me about half a dozen times before succeeding; that's some small comfort, there. Still would have liked that book, though. Figures I'd be interested in the disorder everyone ELSE is interested in. :/

The last remaining book on my list is one on ritual abuse. It's done in about twelve or thirteen hours and there are no bids on it yet. C'mon! I KNOW it will accumulate them. Probably all at the last minute, too. I'm surprised it doesn't have even one yet. It has a "Buy it now" price, but I'm just not positive how that works, even after reading all the documentation. I just can't be 100% certain that if I click on that, I will still be allowed to pay by money order. I WOULD be willing to pay the higher price, in order to avoid a bid war, because I DO really want this book, even more than the BPD one. And I'm not sure of its availability at Amazon; it's just easier to get things on eBay if you can. *sigh* Wish I knew for sure how that process worked, then I could just snatch the thing up right now. But I don't know. I guess I'll probably end up paying too much for it, IF I can even get it at all; based on the BPD book I've seen how sharky people can be when the minutes are ticking down.

I know I had a lot more to talk about, but what was it? >:/

I really need to find some good info on the Hiawatha National Forest...I really want to go there, but can't find good detailed info. I believe it's free to get in, and there are two big sections of it, but that's about all I know...do you just drive there whenever you feel like it and walk on in? Or what? Grr. I'm bad at finding info on tourist spots and such. Dad keeps telling me about the wonderful nature trails they're working on at the UAW, and I just HAVE to go there sometime and take pictures. I've been there before long ago and it's a gorgeous place. Ma has no understanding of copyright law and said I could not post such pictures online if I wanted to. Pshaw! Yes I could! Once you take a photo, it's copyrighted to YOU. The only exception I know of is if I took pictures of people without their permission, and I don't like doing that anyway. The UAW will not sue me if I take a picture of their nature trail and post it online; if anything it could probably drum up visitors for them. Like they would care?

Oohhhh, my stomach hurts. >_< And I have to get off this soon, so no nice long entry from me. *sigh* :(

To M. if she is reading, I started to reply to your letter yesterday before getting distracted and doing something else. The truth is I haven't much to say in response to it. Most of it is responses to my responses, and one can only respond to that so much without repeating themselves. I CAN still respond to it, but it would be short and not very interesting. And I fear all responses would just keep getting shorter until neither had anything left to say. (The reason why I don't just scoop up general penpals online--unless they're like me, I know we'd have nothing to write about beyond the first few letters. >_< ) Was there anything in particular you wanted me to write about in addition? Or something you wanted to write about instead?

Sorry. :/

(Oh yes! Look at my sig below, redone by {user:ladisarinja}. Wasn't that nice of her? That's how I wanted him to be, but my software isn't right. What a thoughtful gesture! ^_^ )

OH! I think I've also worked out a solution to my dream journal dilemma! I believe I'll keep the longer, multi entries rather than repost as shorter, single entries; I'll just go through and edit them all to display the shorter dreams in cleaner format, plus title each separate dream as I would have titled them in single entries. And I'll retitle every longish entry with a DATE instead of a DREAM TITLE. It'll make the entries look more boring from the outside, but who cares, not like people go browsing dream journals, right? Besides, Support never bothered getting back to me about my question if posting many short entries would be permissible and if there's yet a limit on how many journal entries you can post a day, even though they HAVE responded to someone ELSE'S support request. I rather take this silence to mean that there very well COULD be a limit on entries...they just don't want to tell anyone until they bump up against it. I wouldn't be surprised...but that could be just me. I'm only going on what happened the last time I asked about a potential limit and met only silence, until I found out for myself...*whistles*

Well, I have some pizza rolls waiting, and have to proof this and log off...maybe I'll say more later. Tar...