07-02-03 @ 6:04 am EDT

What Is Your Animal Personality?

The WOLF

Your [sic] indepentent [sic], strong-willed & often misunderstood. Very few people truely [sic] understand you. Your [sic] extremely attached to the significant few you love and respect. You often find yourself as a loner, but you eagerly seek the comfort of your packmates.

http://quizilla.com/users/EmrysWolf/quizzes/What%20Is%20Your%20Animal%20Personality%3F/

Ugh...for God's sake, whoever made this quiz, please learn to spell. I won't stick the HTML up on any of my journals just because of the embarrassing misspellings. I see "your indepentent" and I just want to say, "My indepentent what? You mean that indepentent sitting on the shelf over there? What would you like me to do with my indepentent?" And that would be if INDEPENDENT were spelled correctly, which it obviously isn't. Which begs the question, "What the hell is an indepentent?"

I don't think the result fits me very well, either...just because I answered to most questions that I preferred being alone to total chaos with lots of friends or family members does not make me independent and strong willed. It means I'm afraid of screwing up in front of everybody and while I would LIKE being popular and having lots of friends, I'm just more familiar with solitude because even though it's lonely it's less frightening. Also, since when does liking to read, write, and draw in your spare time make you "independent"? It makes you solitary. They are two different things. If I were independent, I'd be out MAKING A LIVING doing said things.

My results seem to be SLIGHTLY closer to Badger or Bear, but even those are off. None of the results are shy, timid creatures--Otter, Crow, Horse, Bear, Wolf, Badger, Puma. Where are such things as the Rabbit, or the Mouse? Something shy and afraid of everything? All the results animals are either carnivores or are big and/or clever enough to fend for themselves. Not a shy retiring creature among them. Skewed quiz, I say.

Remember that according to the book The Animal In You, I turned out as a Mole--flabby, pale, shy, into weird things. Even the results of that were not completely accurate--you will never, for example, find me hanging out at some underground club--but it was a lot closer than "Wolf." Wolf! I wish. Wolves are far too noble to suit ME.

Just for the heck of it, what does Damien turn out as?

Sheesh, now I KNOW this quiz is messed up. Free-spirited (but yes, somewhat cynical) Damien turned out as a BADGER!

Grumpy & hard-working. You seem to have a hard time enjoying the simple pleasures in life, but this doesn't seem to bug you. People find you cynical, but you appreciate the ones who treat you with love and respect, Which [irregular punctuation] you give back in bulk. You're [hey, how come they spelled it correctly HERE??] not as bad as people think you are.

Um...doesn't know how to have fun?? For Dami I answered all the questions from the viewpoint of somebody who's always active, has tons of friends, and LOVES having fun. I think the only reason I got this result was because for the question asking what you do when a problem comes up, I answered "Fight it!" Because yes, Dami is stubborn, and can be cynical, but there's no way in hell he's as grumpy as those results make him out to be.

Hm, what else? I figure this entry will annoy the piss out of certain people but that's their problem. I don't even read e-mails from them so why bother...I've been updating one version of Skew so the links lead back to my Writing.com items, not that anyone will click on them since many are old entries, but who knows. I notice I gained a referral. I seem to gain them often, then lose them, and never find out who they are as they never stop by to say hi, I clicked on your port and joined. :/ Oh well. Looking at Skew entries from a little over a year ago I notice how active I was, rewriting all those Kemet stories. I wish I were that into writing independent stories and novellas now. *sigh*

I always find incredibly stupid and Neanderthalic those men who say they love lesbians because they're so hot, but they hate gays because "Ewww, two MEN!" is gross. Lovely double standard. I wonder if they know how stupid they sound when they say that. It really does make it sound as if they are thinking with their...well, that head a little south of the border, rather than the one upon their shoulders.

I myself don't find anything interesting about lesbians whatsoever--lesbian erotica does nothing for me, period--but I write scads of yaoi...so one could argue I'm the same thing only in reverse, but the difference is that no, I do not find lesbians disgusting. They just...are. *shrug* Why people should be so bothered by something they aren't even going to see unless they go peeping in people's windows like a pervert is beyond me anyway. Like two guys are going to start going at it in public. Whatever. It's more likely to see two STRAIGHTS go at it in public, and that I would find just as annoying as the other situations because I am a bit old fashioned and think such things should just be left to the privacy of the home. I don't give a rip what two...or three, or however many consenting adults do as long as I don't have to watch. Doesn't mean I think it's gross, it just means I'm a prude. :)

And yes, I do turn my head when I spot two people obviously having sex on TV, whether they are covered up or not. So *sigh,* I tend to miss lots of little scenes from my favorite shows, the Law & Orders and the CSIs, because they have sex in them so damn often. Cripes. You would think all crimes in Las Vegas are sex related!

I thought I had something ELSE to talk about! Oh. That song on the radio. There's this "religious" song they've been airing a lot on the radio and I don't know who sings it and I'm too lazy to go look to even see if I've got the lyrics right, but the chorus goes something like this:

I don't need no one
To tell me about Heaven
I look at my daughter
And I believe
I don't need no proof
When it comes to God and truth
I can see the sunset
And I perceive

Again, apologies if I messed up the words; that's what I hear when it comes on the radio. Don't know who sings it, but THIS...is a great song. I very much detest religious music, Christian rock and gospel and such, simply because it's so damn PREACHY. "Praise the Lord, Lord, Lord, God, Jesus, bla bla bla!" It bugs me because it's so exclusive. Whenever I hear it, what I REALLY hear is, "We are Christian. You had better be Christian too or you're burning in Hell. Hope you enjoy the music, sinner!" Even if that's what they believe, must they cram it down people's throats in the form of (often hokey and talentless) music? On the other hand, "secular" religious music--music that can be applied to just about any religion, even if it is primarily Christian--that I can listen to without feeling talked down to or judged. Songs by Creed, and the one above, I find tolerable, and this one I have even grown to really like because it sounds so hopeful and full of belief. THAT, up there...is how *I* would like to feel about God.

I'm just too bitter and cynical, though... :(

I just feel a lot closer to God when walking through nature, it seems. That's the only time I feel comfortable with Him. It's a lot easier for me to imagine God in a tree or a leaf or a rock or a dragonfly than it is for me to picture this big, omnipresent, impersonal God Who passes judgement on me every moment of my life. That may or may not be what He's really like, but it's the way I feel about Him. Whenever I search inside myself, or in others, or look into religions, I just feel God as this great judgemental Being for Whom nothing I ever do can be right or good enough. This is why religion pains me so much, when it shouldn't. This is why whenever I see other people comfortable in their faiths, I feel extreme envy and sadness and cynicism.

I don't feel like that when walking through nature. I feel almost equal then, or at least, I feel as if He does not mind that I'm not perfect and that I doubt Him. I don't doubt Him, when I look at trees and rocks and sunsets. I feel Him more than ever then, and not only that, I feel as if other beings can exist too--other gods, other spirits, and such--and they seem to be in perfect accordance with Him--merely parts of Him, harmonious with Him rather than always at odds. (I really do believe that if there is more than one god, and I often wish it were so, they are all from the same Whole--I cannot believe God would so deceive thousands of people for thousands of years just for CHRISTIANS to be saved. Why would He allow the ancient Egyptians and the Native Americans and those of all other faiths to be so easily deceived? Who's to say He just did not appear to them in a different form, in countless different forms, and none of us are really wrong after all?--we just take different paths to meet Him in the end?--God can have limitless faces, I believe.) But when I'm back in the normal world, the doubt (does He even really care about me?--does He even exist at all?) and guilt (what will happen to me for believing there could be other gods?--am *I* the one who's terribly wrong?) and never being perfect (I must be terribly flawed, for these things to keep happening to me, and to so badly doubt Him) are there again too.

Maybe I should just become an animist. :/

Main Entry: an·i·mism
Pronunciation: 'a-n&-"mi-z&m
Function: noun
Etymology: German Animismus, from Latin anima soul
Date: 1832
1 : a doctrine that the vital principle of organic development is immaterial spirit
2 : attribution of conscious life to objects in and phenomena of nature or to inanimate objects
3 : belief in the existence of spirits separable from bodies
- an·i·mist /-mist/ noun
- an·i·mis·tic /"a-n&-'mis-tik/ adjective

http://www.m-w.com/home.htm

I really do feel, sometimes, that trees and rocks, things in nature, and even manmade things with much history behind them, such as cherished heirlooms and beloved old houses, can have a sort of "spirit" or manitou, even, to them...it just makes sense to me. At least, it feels right. Or maybe I just seek relief from always feeling alone? You can't really be alone if you're surrounded by things you can't see, can you?

Ah well, this is making me teary eyed and I doubt it makes much sense to anyone but me. I probably sound nuts at best, and heretical at worst. *sigh* Well, at least I mentioned the song I've been meaning to mention in here for ages but kept forgetting. I guess I'm done for now, though there may be more later. I have to make some tea. Tar...