08-13-03 @ 11:02 am EDT

I'm growing a little worried about M. It's true I haven't written a response to her in ages, like I said I would, but she hasn't updated her journal lately either...I hope it isn't money problems, or something worse. Likely she's just busy, which I hope is the case. I've been thinking about her a lot lately. :/

I decided that rather than read another one of my Indian books I would start Out Of Darkness, yet another ritual abuse book...it's hard to find a good ritual abuse book, as it's such a polarized subject. It's all too easy to get a book that is all "It does NOT exist and there is NO evidence whatsoever!" (um okay, so what about the ritually motivated killings that have been uncovered, and verified accounts of abuse, and what have you...?), or even worse to get a book which is all "There is a VAST Satanic conspiracy (the Freemasons are part of it, and the Illuminati, etc.) and most, if not all, missing children are victims of a giant international cult!" (as much as I like to WRITE about this, I don't really believe it's THAT vast and insidious...)

It pisses me off more to read the first, total denial-type of book, but it's the second, believe everything-type of book which makes the subject of ritual abuse look so hokey and unbelievable and which gives potential actual victims a bad name. So IMO that's even worse. I actually feel ashamed to admit it's an area of interest of mine, because on the one hand you have people like my mother who think I'll somehow TURN Satanic just by reading about it; then you have actual practicing Satanists, who are likely to be offended by my choice of reading and writing material (honestly--I'm reading and writing about DEVIANTS and CULTS, NOT about Satanism as a valid religion--I recognize the difference!--please don't shoot me! >_< ); and THEN you have the people who just look at you funny and roll their eyes and laugh as soon as they think you can't hear...they're the worst. I remember being mocked and laughed at in college because I happened to be reading a book about alien abductions which just HAPPENED to be written by an esteemed Harvard psychiatrist...not that that would have mattered to such closeminded idiots...

At least I was reading something and not vegging out or making out with boyfriends or something...

Wow, did that go off on a tangent or what. Sorry. O_o I just get pissed off that I'm so quickly judged based on what I read and write about. I'm still smarting over that MORON at FFN who took a look at ONE tiny chapter of D Is For Damien--a chapter which did not even MENTION Satanism--and griped at me to "Stop writing" entirely, based just on that. They dared to call ME closeminded and wrong? Ass. I do understand that the majority of actual Satanists are law-abiding people who would never molest a child and, oddly enough, are often more openminded than many Christians (remember, I read and write about deviants and cults--there are Christian deviants and cults too, so you can see the difference--the Branch Davidians didn't represent Christianity, the same as my Scorpio doesn't represent Satanism), and for God's sake, just because I read about something weird doesn't mean I'm going to go do it or get into it or that I'm stupid or nuts or something...I take most of what I read with a grain of salt, thank you very much.

That reminds me, the book Satanism: The Seduction Of America's Youth by Bob Larson? Interesting, but much hooey. He's constantly getting his facts wrong, jumping to conclusions, and there's even a lovely part where he contradicts himself on the same page yet doesn't even notice--let me quote it for you, it's quite amusing!:

"How did Crowley end up? A drug fiend. A heroin addict and a blithering idiot," I [Bob Larson, the author] pointed out.

Since Curtis couldn't repudiate these facts, he did what most cornered debaters do; he changed the subject.

"The trouble with your kind of so-called Christianity is that you need some big daddy figure breathing down your neck, pointing life out for you step by step," Curtis asserted.

"You're wrong. The Bible tells us God loved the world and sent His Son to die for our sins."

"That's a protection racket, Bob. If God made the rules, why should He expect us to be grateful?"

The question was ludicrous. Curtis was trying to bait me, and I wouldn't bite. So I changed the subject. (emphasis mine)

See how when the OTHER guy changes the subject, oh, it's a diversion tactic, yet when HE (the author) does the same thing, he's justified? I kid you not, this is right on the same page, nothing omitted. In other parts of the book he credits Lovecraft with writing the Necronomicon (false), claims that abused people "turn to" homosexuality (up for debate, but I don't buy it), gets into all the yoohah about D&D being a tool of the devil (puhleeze), claims that entertainers and musicians and such have sided with Satan (I guess that explains Creed), etc. etc. etc. ad nauseam. Buy the book if you want a funny read, but don't expect authenticity. Poor man.

Oh crap, I really have to go. I don't think this entry has any point to it anyway by now. /:( Tar...