08-07-03 @ 8:01 am EDT

Welcome to the first official entry in the new Skew.

I had a couple of daytime and nighttime dreams I'll have to save for my dreams journal...let me jot down notes so I can type them up later on...

Eating something, leftovers, Dad's soup, me indecisive, okay, like eggdrop, then crafts w/ Ma and other lady, shirt designs, one I like, (classroom?), wish I'd put it on white shirt/blue shirt/colored shirt instead?, blue scene--water?, ironing on?, something straight--waterline?

Mackinac Island--Sugar Loaf Rock, wooden bridge, careful beyond this point sign, says "I lost my hat(?)" or "I washed my hat(?)" or something, platform, wooden bars, go out on them, high up, afraid of falling, sunset, go back, cars parked, want to get rid of them as they're not allowed but they don't leave, pretending; at home, going to dance?, eleven at night but sunny/sunset, golden outside, leave room?, Ma on couch smoking, tries to hide cig, I squirt it w/ squirt bottle, ashes, she takes another puff, I tell her to put it out, stomps it on floor, tell her about stop smoking commercial on radio but feel stupid

I wanted to just touch on the Mackinac Island dream. Mackinac Island pops up often in my dreams. In almost always the same context, too: Usually I'll be wanting to go there, and maybe I'll even get there, but then it will be night or evening or time to leave and I'll have to head back home. The quickness with which I reach the place is always astounding, like bam, it's right down the road or something, utter convenience; but the impending thought of having to leave is as if it's far away from home, as it is in real life (not FAR, but a fifteen-minute ferryride plus a half-hour drive--NOT right down the road). A weird inconsistency.

I think maybe I would like to identify Mackinac Island as my "safe haven." It's a place that always makes me happy when I think about it. It figures heavily in my writing, my favorite thing to do; and I've fantasized it so much in my fiction that I've sort of made it my own. At this point I can't be 100% positive WHAT the island represents in my dreams, but I like to see it as a positive, if somewhat escapist, symbol. In my dreams I always want to reach it but never quite get there in time; and if I do, time has flown, and it's suddenly time to leave. I'm always filled with disappointment, like I've been doing nothing but dragging my heels up to that moment and haven't ever had the time to fully enjoy the place. "But I just got here!"

Anyway, the dream I had last night wasn't much of an exception...I don't remember what happened first. I'll try to briefly summarize it as I plan on including it and the other dreams in my other journal later. Basically, I was at Sugar Loaf Rock, maybe a spot that was supposed to be like the Lookout Point way above it. So, NOT exactly at the rock, but it was a lot closer in the dream. There was a little wooden bridge spanning from this high point to the top of Sugar Loaf, which is a tall stack of breccia standing in the interior of the island. It was sunset...but I think the sun was setting in the wrong direction. I THINK I was facing vaguely east, but I can't be sure without a map. I believe the sun was in front of me. Everything was darkish orange and pretty. I remember there were cars parked in front of me (I was on some earthen hill or mound) and I was very irritated because the island doesn't allow cars. I sort of tried to control them to get rid of them (mild lucidity though I didn't know it was a dream) and I think they moved a bit but didn't leave; irritating. I was pretending I was one of my Manitou Island characters, I think, and the cars spoiled the illusion.

Sorry I'm not briefly summarizing this like I said I would! I tend to just ramble when I get into my dreams. o_o;

Anyway, I knew the little rickety wooden bridge which went to the top of Sugar Loaf was built in fact by tourists/visitors or islanders, not by the Parks Commission, so it wasn't really "legal." I wanted to try it anyway. Went walking out on it, this rickety swaying wooden bridge. It changed and now instead of reaching the top of Sugar Loaf I reached a sort of wooden platform/jungle gym way, way up in the air. There were wooden bars and rises and platforms and such going every which way, maybe ropes too. I stepped down onto a few after passing a little posted sign which was meant to mark the "safety point." Meaning, if you go beyond this point you're on your own--don't expect it to be safe anymore. I would liken it to the little "No climbing on rock"-type signs scattered across the island in real life; there's one on Arch Rock. It and a fence are meant to keep people off. In my dream it was safe to go up/out to a point, but if you went further you were not only breaking park rules but you were endangering yourself.

The sign said something odd which I can't remember very well, but I believe it had to do with a piece of clothing and I felt it had been posted by a rustic man. It was something like "I washed my hat (here)" or "I lost my hat (here)." "Hat" might have been something else, like coat, or shirt; I tend to think it said "I washed my hat" or "Here I washed my hat," but I can't be sure. A weird thing for a warning sign to say, but it made some sort of sense, at first, in the dream. This was the safety marker--danger beyond this point.

Well, I went out a bit more anyway, VERY much unlike me since I hate breaking rules (especially when it could endanger a landmark, even if Sugar Loaf appeared to have disappeared), plus I'm terrified of heights. I grasped onto the poles and bars and peered down; there was smooth ground below, and a type of fireman's pole-like thing. I think a few of the little platforms I stepped on either slipped or broke or threatened to, at least. I was afraid and anxious but not frozen or crying with terror, obviously. I think I tried to glance back at the sign but couldn't read it very well. Then I believe I went back. It was late and I guess I had to leave but the dream shifted into one involving my mother smoking, so I can't say more for now.

I think this dream might have been significant for some reason. A wooden bridge to the top of Sugar Loaf Rock? Spanning across the woods, high up in the air; something I would have been WAY too afraid of in real life but chanced in the dream, even though it was obviously risky and not completely legal. The cars aspect--something annoyingly out of place, interfering with my imagination--is probably significant too, but it's the bridge and the rock I focus on. Bridges pop up a lot in my dreams but it's often the Mackinac Bridge (Mackinac symbolism again), which usually appears oddly out of place. (Last time it showed up in the background on the set of a Tom Berenger show; before that, it was at the wrong end of Lake Huron, with the wrong number of suspension towers, and was oddly enlarged.) I don't think this wooden bridge was meant to fill in for the Mighty Mac but it was still a bridge, and still out of place. I feel almost like I was supposed to connect to Sugar Loaf somehow--whatever that means. Sorry if it makes no sense--I can't figure it out, either. Sugar Loaf isn't even my favorite landmark there.

What would Sugar Loaf represent to me personally? Well...if we're talking about the Mackinac Island version, then I think of it as one of the higher points on the island, though not THE highest point. It rises high up above the trees and is easily seen from the Lookout Point. I remember crabwalking down from it once because I was too scared to walk normally back down the steep trail. It's full of holes and full of mystery because I'll never know what the Devil's Bake Oven--a tiny cave high in its side--looks like. I know that in Victorian(?) times there was a ladder spanning up there for tourists to enter the cave, which I have read was big enough to house two standing adults, and I've seen pictures also of modern tourists climbing up (illegally, as the stairs have since been removed) into the cave so I know that description is true. But it always bugs me that I'll never be able to see it for myself. I know from the mythology that there are lots of stories surrounding its creation--the primary ones I know being that it was either a giant honeycomb (hence its name), or else a foolish Indian changed into a stone pillar after asking Manabozho for immortality.

If we're talking about MY version of the rock, then...it's the home of a wise old manitou woman, it's hollow and contains living quarters and numerous little caves in which to hide things, and it's lit up inside by fire. It was the home of X'aaru, when he was raised by Old Mother Manitou away from his tribe and his mother. It's a sort of "gathering point" in the story as the characters always tend to convene there to take time outs or to go over their plans. The very first thing I think of when I think of Sugar Loaf in any context, now, besides Mackinac Island, is Old Mother Manitou, as in my writing she's become so ingrained in the place. It's a spot of learning, wisdom, slight mystery, warmth, hospitality, protection, and refuge. It just strikes me now that it was a place where a misunderstood outcast, X'aaru, found safety and understanding, even if it was at the expense of his family and real home. Interesting.

Just some stuff to chew on and mull over, I guess. o.o

Well, I did wish to not end this so abruptly, but I have to go...talk more later with IMPUNITY! Tar...