08-17-03 @ 10:53 am EDT

Meh, I just haven't felt like typing anything in here. :/ I don't really know why; no reason.

Ma and I went to the antiques fair yesterday. Look up August in here of last year to see how it went back then. There were no gale-force winds or lakesize puddles to deal with this time, but it was blisteringly hot. I wasn't as impressed by the selection but maybe it was because I was shopping with my upgrade and the phone bill in mind. I didn't get any owls--none really impressed me--but I did get an old book about Mackinac and the St. Ignace region. I wanted to get another book about Indians of the Great Lakes but it was WAY overpriced. Sure it was an oversize hardcover, but the original price had been about $15, and rather than being antique it was just antiquated and out of date; the new price was $40! Nuh-uh. I bought the (also overpriced) $25 Mackinac book and left it at that. Ma got me a couple of owl pins anyway and herself some beaded necklaces and tiny bottles. Then we visited Grandma "for a few minutes" (actually about a half hour spent assembling a lamp, with both Ma and Grandma yelling "SCREW IT IN! I'M SCREWING IT!" and me drinking way too much tea to be polite) at her new apartment; it's rather nice. I learned she goes to visit Rocky >:( and she said he treats her much better now that she's moved out. Apparently she is getting her phone disconnected then reconnected at her apartment and the phone company is giving her a lot of hassle. (Typical.) Then Rocky will probably get his own number. I still wish he didn't know her address, but at least things seem to have settled down. :/

Our big rotating fan has apparently died and I cried for a long time this morning when I was sure our fridge was dying too...it was dripping in back...but Dad says that's normal. I hope it is. The LAST thing we need NOW of all times is the fridge dying! Weird how it acted up right when the fan died, too. I wonder what happened to the fan. It was fine earlier. *shrug* Fans are a dime a dozen, but fridges are not.

My pine tree! I don't know why this leaps into my mind but I wanted to mention my pine tree. Several years ago--I was probably in high school at the time--I bought a sapling pine tree from some planting program at Glen's and we pondered where to plant it before sticking it in the bit of yard at the east side of the house. I didn't really expect it to live as I have a brown thumb... :/ ...but years later it's still there. It must have been about six, seven inches when we got it. Now it is like seven FEET tall! :D My little pine tree! ^_^ It gets a leader on it every year and that thing just gets longer and longer every time. I can't believe how that thing sprouted up. Woot! The only thing I've ever planted that has not only lived but thrived. If I'd known the thing would have actually lived, I don't know if I would have so quickly planted it right in front of the east window... :/

I think I mentioned it because I watered it yesterday and the heat reminded me of that...poor dry tree. I'm always knocking dead bugs and earwigs off its branches. Ick! It is a TREE, not a bug repository! I filled an old cat food container full of water and poured it at the base of it...oh wow...I just realized something, we could turn this thing into a living Christmas tree if we wanted! :D Haha...of course nobody but people on the sideroad would notice it, but still, it's a thought...hmm...

Oh yeah. The whole power thing...no, we were lucky and it did not hit us. From the look of things it hit all of Ontario just above us, and Detroit way below us, and we were on the same grid but somehow lucked out...thank GOD. One thing I can really thank God for this summer. I feel so sorry for those people, especially in Detroit where they have yet to get it back in some places, I think...many of them gave up and came north to get away from the heat! Go figure! The tourism industry has of course picked up because of this...not that we notice it here, but I heard Traverse City is doing pretty well. Good for them, I suppose.

P. got me a merit badge for friendship. ^_^ I think that he's probably the person I've corresponded with online the longest. I believe he was there at the start of Manitou Island (before then, actually), and that was over two years ago! Thanks P. :)

Well, time for the reason for the weird title of this entry. I wanted to post two dreams from my dream journal in here, because they are more easily noticed in Skew than in the Dreamforest. They're just two oddly symbolic dreams I've had recently and wished to describe. I don't think I outlined the Hall dream in here before, but if I did, sorry. It's from a little ways back, July 25th. It almost had a story quality to it.

The Hall Of Good & Evil

This was a VERY strange dream. It was memorable, but shortly after waking up some of the details became jumbled so it's not as clear as I'd like it to be. Still, here goes.

For some reason I was going upstairs to do something. In real life our upstairs is incredibly messy since we just stick old stuff up there when we have no room downstairs. At the top of the stairs is a tiny landing with a closet and attic door right in front, and to the right is my brother's old room, with a lot of my junk and an old TV in it, and to the left is the "other room," a sewing room with a lot of Ma's stuff in it. In the dream, I went up onto this landing and went into Eric's (my brother's) room. Perhaps I was looking for something; Ma might have been involved too.

I was surprised to notice that much of Eric's room had been cleaned, although my stuff hadn't been thrown out. There were still some boxes standing off to the sides, but it was almost presentable now! Even the carpeting was mostly clean. I turned toward the rows of drawers lining the left-hand wall and paused when I heard noises coming from behind them. I think rain was falling outside and I figured the noise might be that, but then again, perhaps there were rodents living in the drawers or in the wall and they were making the little noises? I couldn't be sure. I didn't really want to look and find out. :/

I turned a bit more to the entrance to the room and noticed that the big old TV had been removed, probably tossed out. There was a big indentation in the floor where it had been, and I think a couple of boxes of my stuff were sitting here. (At first it seemed to be empty, but then it wasn't.) I worried for a moment because at first the indentation was just that, a big dented section of floor kind of sloping downwards (maybe at this point the floor was white and uncarpeted?), and I feared it would cave in, especially with some of my stuff sitting there (though it was just a couple of smallish boxes with probably only papers in them); but then it was just a smaller indentation left in the carpeting, and I didn't worry so much. I also noticed one little roundish, red candy, like a Skittle or a lozenge, lying on the floor slightly to the left of this same space, and felt a little icky. Why hadn't that been cleaned up? It was probably sticky and fuzzy from being on the floor and I didn't want to touch it. I wasn't sure if I had left it there, or if my brother had tossed it there while he still lived at home. Aside from that the place seemed remarkably clean. Maybe somebody else would take care of the little candy.

I now headed toward Ma's room. (I'm still not sure what my purpose up here was, though in the dream I seemed to have one.) I got distracted by the little closet at the top of the stairs, however. In my dream it was a bit more to the left, closer to Ma's room, than it is in real life. I think I was carrying something now, like a box, and I wanted to set it down somewhere, and considered the closet, as it had been cleaned out too and was empty. The inside walls were painted white (not like in real life) and instead of being square/rectangular, it was diagonal/sloping; that is, the back wall of the closet was close to me on the left, and sloped back toward the right corner, making a triangle out of the floor. Recessed and almost hidden in a tiny alcove in the back right corner of the triangle was a soft yellowish-white light which lit the entire closet. I was intrigued.

I peered into the closet and wondered if I could hide things in it, because now it changed and there were other little recesses and alcoves in it; the warm white of before was now replaced by a colder white, like bluish-white paint; when I stepped inside to try to see the light source that seemed to vanish although it was still lit, just not from a recognizable lightbulb like before. I really liked the idea of being able to hide things in little hidden parts of the closet and wanted to get a better look at its layout...but it changed yet again, now into a little walk-in room, and I went inside.

I had to step down and into it. Now it opened up around me, still small for a room, but HUGE for a closet. I can't describe the layout adequately as it was very weird...it was still done in bluish-white, but it was kind of...latticed, so there seemed to be blackish recessed areas where the light didn't hit as well (nothing seemed to be painted black, though I don't remember looking at the ceiling). In short, it was well lit, yet dark at the same time; like the corners went off into shadow. The whitish material making up the place was like I said kind of latticed across the floor in a crisscross pattern, and there were raised parts and low parts; I walked upon the raised parts. The material was whitish, very bumpy/lumpy but not jagged--smoothed over like tumbled rocks--and kind of soft and slightly squishy, maybe like hard foam. It gave the appearance of a padded room, kind of, and was cool to the touch. The way the stuff crossed over itself, there were recesses all over in the walls, and even though I felt VERY confused and a little frightened, I really liked this place; it was so interesting! (My thoughts of home and Ma and the upstairs fled; I no longer seemed to realize that's where I was, though I did remember entering here from the upstairs closet.) I thought of how in my fictional writing the demon Ocryx gave a special room with light-up crystals in it to his daughter Red Bird, and had the feeling that this room had been given to me by Ocryx--kind of a pretend feeling, I believe, not a "this actually happened" feeling. It reminded me of the Haunted Theater on Mackinac Island for some reason, and the Haunted Theater (in real life) is where I got the idea for Ocryx, so it made sense in my dream.

That thought didn't get to last long, for I turned to my left to see what else was in the room. I noticed now a hallway here, leading to another room which seemed to consist of the same odd material although I couldn't see it very well. It too was both lit and dark; hard to explain. (Like, it had really focused light sources, like desklamps, but was dark in between those; their light only reached so far. That's still not an accurate description but it's the best I can do.) In this hallway I saw at least one but probably more little cherub statues and they were grinning wickedly and shaking their heads at me as if to say no.

I turned to my right and saw a hallway here as well, almost an exact duplicate of the first, except the little cherub statues were smiling kindly and nodding, instead.

I immediately understood the implication. Left, in the occult, frequently denotes evil things, whereas right denotes good things. The little cherubs in the left hall looked evil and shook their heads because that hall led to evil, and the cherubs in the right hall nodded and smiled kindly because that hall led to good. (Though in retrospect, it seems it should have been the other way around--I get the feeling the evil cherubs should have been nodding and trying to get me to enter their hall, by way of deceit, whereas the good cherubs should have been shaking their heads and frowning sadly, trying to convince me NOT to enter the left hall. It really might have gone that way, but I can't be sure; all I know is their actions were opposite one another, and I knew that the left hall was bad and the right hall was good.)

Although intrigued by the left hallway, and making up my mind to visit it later on, I decided to be wise and head right. I believe I passed through the right hallway and now ended up in a room similar in layout to the first, if I even switched rooms at all. That is, there were again rooms to left and right, and the big main room I was standing in (I was facing where the entrance to the room would have been before, the closet entrance, so the good hall was on my left and the bad hall on my right), only instead of the empty, latticed, padded room of before, there was now a sort of banquet table or dais set up in front of me, maybe some stone steps, and from here there now came--A GIANT SCORPION!

O_O It just came out of nowhere and tried to attack me! I managed to duck and roll or something; I never directly fought it, but somehow I avoided its blows, and I think it jumped over my head, into the middle of the room, and perhaps the fall killed it. As it lay there I saw it had no stinger, but in fact knew that its stinger was smaller and hidden; as I watched it developed a long tail with a stinger, then the entire monster seemed to dissolve into red fluid like a punch drink. I think it vanished and now a giant CRAB (looking kind of like a crayfish or lobster rather than the traditional crab--in short, it was longish bodied, much resembling the scorpion that had just attacked me) came scuttling down at me, repeating the attack.

Crap!! I dodged and avoided that, too. It also went down into the room (they had come down at me from this raised steps/dais area where the entrance would have been before), and I think it too was somehow defeated without me actually killing it. I stood up and tried to recover myself from my fright, and now I was no longer alone.

This part grows fuzzy. I'm not sure how I was introduced to the people here, if they suddenly appeared or not, but I was also kind of controlling how the rest of the dream went--putting words into people's mouths, indicating what should happen, etc., although I was not lucid. (Playacting, or roleplaying--taking control of some dream events without realizing I have control.) I seemed to be a young girl like Chihiro from Spirited Away, or Charmian from my own Manitou Island; perhaps I was a cross between the two, for while I screamed and acted girly like Chihiro, I also acted tough and independent, like Charmian.

A man started speaking and I sensed he was the leader of this hall; he had a British accent, but I don't recall ever actually seeing him. It was like I made him speak, kind of. He said something like, "Congratulations; you've defeated them both, and managed to survive. These first two tests, you should be aware, represented..."

"I know what those were!" I snapped in response, even though I didn't know where the voice was coming from. "The first one was Scorpio and the second one was Cancer!"

That is--the first creature which had attacked me was Scorpio, the scorpion of the zodiac; and the second had been Cancer, the crab. These first two "tests" I had passed (to paraphrase what the man said, since I can't really remember his words) had been against creatures of the zodiac. I got the feeling I would be encountering and/or tested by the other creatures of the zodiac, and had brief thoughts of what they would be like--would I face my own sign, Libra?--what would that look like?--and I got a distinct image of Sagittarius, the centaur, awaiting me in the hall to my right. (Which was the bad hall--remember I was facing the entrance--but at this moment was supposed to be the GOOD hall; I sensed Sagittarius to be a noble soul, and wise, and was thrilled by the prospect of learning from him--I even wondered if he'd have a human centaur head, or a horse head, or what exactly he'd look like. Oh the possibilities!) I got the feeling that some of the zodiac signs, like the aforementioned Scorpio and Cancer, would be hostile, but others would be friendly.

Anyway, the British man was impressed that I knew exactly what it was I had just faced down. Now there were more people all over in the hall (room), and I sensed that they were the spirits of the dead; this hall was like a banquet hall of the dead. O_o Again I never saw the British guy, but we talked some more throughout this part of the dream, with him and some of the others explaining where exactly I was and what was going on.

Either upon or replacing the dais/steps of before was now a long banquet table with all sorts of food and stuff on it, spanning from left to right, and people were filling their plates and chattering. I was hungry; I felt I had some sort of task to perform, which was why I was here, but the food seemed so inviting. I think somebody offered me something or I took something but it was very gloppy (I think) and weird and I ended up coughing and spitting it back out. That would have been remarkably rude, but the naive way in which I did everything (like Chihiro) endeared me to the people so they didn't take offense. There was a glass which had had milk in it, I believe, but it hadn't been finished off and had been sitting there for a bit; I decided to clean it out so maybe I could have something to drink from it. I didn't know where to do this, though. Someone directed me toward a fountain lower down in the room, and told me to wash it there for the fountain had special properties of cleansing.

It's a bit confusing, because at one point I was near the left (bad) side of the room (when facing the back wall), at a sink or fountain, cleaning it there; but then I was in the middle of the room, facing the dais and table, at a bigger fountain. It was built like a sink, a stone pedestal with an oval indentation in top, filled with water; I think water was flowing from a small spout and into the bowl. I dunked the glass, which was either followed by or now replaced by a big glass pitcher, into the water to wash out the old milk. A black man and somebody else (another man?) were here with me, possibly eating, while I did so. This part of the dream was playacted but didn't work out the way it was supposed to. What was supposed to happen was I was supposed to dunk the pitcher in the water and it would be instantly cleansed of all milk--I wouldn't have to do any scrubbing--and the water in the bowl would be clear too. This would indicate the fountain's cleaning properties. It was meant to be miraculous, purifying. The black guy was explaining this while I did so, but...the water didn't work as it was meant to. It DID clean the pitcher better than something in real life would have, but there was still a slight milky residue in the bottom, and the water in the fountain bowl was stained a little white too from the milk. I swirled my hand in it and cupped the water a few times and it cleared a little, but not completely. I kept repeating this action as the guy talked, as if to say, "C'mon, clear up; you're supposed to CLEAR now," but it didn't really work. Oops. I held up the pitcher and let the reside run out a bit and the black guy then said, "Every so often it still leaves a little bit behind." As if to say, "Well, usually it works." ^_^; I decided to believe him and was impressed anyway. While I did this there was some detail about a man and his wife who had done the same thing at this fountain in the past, but I don't remember the details of the story; I think they had died, maybe because they hadn't done it properly, or maybe it had cleansed them, or something. It was important, whatever it had been. I might have tried to clean something else, maybe some of the dishes; I also might have clogged something with too much food but I'm not sure.

I went back toward the banquet table and the invisible, omnipresent British guy started talking again. I noticed the room to my left (the right, "good" side of the room) and asked about what was in these other rooms to my left and right. The British man told me they were the libraries of this hall. The bad library housed occult and demonic literature, I'm assuming, while the good library housed mystical, "white" occult literature, in particular some Masonic books. I glanced into the good library and could now make it out somewhat. The room wasn't in keeping with the style of the rest of the place; it looked almost modern, with creamy white walls and modern bookshelves and bright modern lighting, like a college office; a little old fashioned, but not as weird or odd as the rest of the place. I saw some of the Masonic literature in there, as well as some Masonic symbols, I think; there may have been a globe. I wished to peruse both libraries, even though the thought of entering the evil library frightened me a little bit; I had the feeling that if I entered it in my own naive state, I risked being corrupted by the evil spirits of the left hall. Perhaps I'd find a way to work that out later, once I'd been here a while longer and learned some more. In the meantime I believe I was going to visit the good, right library to learn from the Masonic literature there; in addition there was the original left hall from the first room (the one I'd entered from the closet), and I sensed there were other left and right halls/rooms in further main rooms throughout the building, each just waiting to be explored. I could hardly wait to see and learn it all! Maybe that was my purpose here, to learn as much as I could?

Unfortunately...the dream shifted here, into some plot involving Nash Bridges, as that was airing on TV as I slept. I think I was now supposed to be him and the plot still had something to do with the good and evil halls, but it was more action oriented and I lost track of what was going on by the time I awoke. :/

The "left versus right" symbolism is pretty clear to me, though why I would dream it, I have no clue. My interest in the occult and in subjects such as Freemasonry is evident in the black and white (i. e., evil and good) paths in the dream. The parts that confuse me are the cherubs (why cherubs of all things??), cleansing water, the hall of souls (what am I even doing there?), and especially the zodiac symbolism--Cancer and Scorpio?? Why THOSE two? The only connection I can think of is that both are feminine water signs and are clawed creatures. My personal feelings about the two? Well, Scorpio is what I would have been had I not been born prematurely; my brother is a Scorpio; it's the name of a cult I write about frequently and it's the sign of many of my characters; and my two "romance" planets, Mars and Venus, are located in that sign, much to my disbelief. Cancer? I've long said it's the sun sign I SHOULD have been, based on my temperament, but I haven't one planet located in that sign. If there was a water sign emphasis in the dream, why was Pisces not present? It was just the two "crustacean-type" signs--actually a crustacean and an arachnid, but you have to admit that a scorpion and certain types of crab (like crayfish-type crabs) look much alike when compared. Those are the only similarities I can find. Aside from those I have no clue why those two signs showed up, nor what my interest in Sagittarius was. (In the dream I correctly identified Sagittarius with the mentor centaur--haha!--figure and with wisdom--Sagittarius's planet, Jupiter, rules wisdom. It's just weird that I latched onto Sagittarius so quickly, when I have no particular relationship with that sign. If I have any planets in it I can't remember right now.)

Here is the other dream, a new one I just posted yesterday or the day before. It has not been proofread yet so there might be a typo or two. This one has left me feeling VERY confused!

Lord Jesus, Herself

This dream was from my regular sleep of the afternoon of August 14. It was just a snippet when I awoke, but it left an impression on me so I wanted to take note of it.

All I can remember is I seemed to be involved in the making of some epic, symbolic, innovative Biblical movie. I say innovative because the makers, probably younger people, were interested in going against tradition to give the movie a deeper layer of meaning. In short they were going to be rather experimental. I may have been an extra or something but whatever I was, I just stood off to the side and watched passively. Perhaps I was supposed to be a Jew. I think this actually came later, but I'll describe it now; in one part there was a map or book of some sort with some significance to the movie, and I remember it had a picture of George Bush Jr. ("Dubya") in it o_o , and some maps of the Holy Land--different regions with mountains and caves and the names they had had back in Biblical times. It was all brownish colored; in particular I remember the mountainous areas, and little darker spots which I think were supposed to be caves. I don't know what Bush had to do with it, but it wasn't too serious or important. I think we were studying the maps so we'd get a better understanding of the movie, and maybe there were some other things contained in the book/text as well, relating to Biblical times. We just crowded around this thing, studying it and murmuring over it. This whole time I felt we were standing in an area like that in the book, surrounded by desert mountains, dry and brown and craggy, and we were probably dressed in robes and sandals to match. Everything was in earth tones.

Well, back to the other part of this dream. As I stood off to the side I watched the character of Jesus interact with some others; it was as if Jesus stood and a few others gathered around, listening to Her words of wisdom. Yes...Her. Jesus was a WOMAN! Now it's hard to describe this part because I'm not quite sure, but, I knew this was just an actress playing a part in an innovative, experimental movie, and they had chosen to depict Jesus as a woman to play against stereotype--you know how experimental movies can be. This person was just an actress. Yet at the SAME time, even if she wasn't Jesus Him/Herself, I felt she represented Him, and the fact that she was a woman didn't really detract from Him much. I really did feel that it was possible Jesus COULD have been a woman. Why not? He was the Son of God, wasn't He? I sensed some power from this woman and felt awe in her presence--Her presence? Because even though she herself was not really meant to be Jesus, it's like I was in Jesus's presence anyway, like she represented Him, and I was awed by this.

As for what She looked like, She was probably of short to average height, slender, dressed in robes (maybe one went over Her shoulder or wrapped around Her somehow) of light colors like white and pale gray and pale blue. Her skin was darker than average, like that of a Middle Easterner or an Indian. And Her hair was dark also, dark brown or maybe black, of medium-long length (at least down to Her shoulders), soft and parted in the middle, straight but not arrow straight; it puffed out a little bit to frame Her face before falling down to Her shoulders. I believe She had highish cheekbones; Her face wasn't long, but more roundish, I believe. I can't remember eye color but it was likely dark, to match the rest of Her appearance. She had a friendly yet canny look--that is, I didn't sense She was a soft pushover, passive type; rather She was the type who could advocate loving your enemy, while at the same time angrily throwing vendors out of of Her Father's temple. I sensed great wisdom, kindness, intelligence, and even wit and humor from Her. I think Her eyes might have briefly met mine as She talked to those around Her (maybe we were between scenes), but we exchanged no words; I didn't approach Her. I guess I felt I wasn't worthy enough to. All I could do was stare from a distance.

I'm not sure how many of these powerful feelings actually went through me as I dreamed rather than after I awoke and thought about the dream, though I do know what I sensed from Her in the dream itself. I don't think I had quite the strong feelings of awe and confusion and puzzlement I had on awaking, as I was just part of the dream then and didn't really think about it much; it was just a movie. After waking up I commenced feeling great surprise and wondering exactly what the symbolism could mean. I've been thinking about Jesus somewhat lately, what with my own confusion over what spiritual path I should take and my ignorance over this Biblical Character; I've wanted a relationship with Him but I just don't feel good enough, and I honestly don't know if my tentative beliefs would go along with a belief in Him as the Savior--I really think there could be multiple paths to God. (And isn't the main tenet of Christianity that Jesus is the ONLY way?) Add to this the fact that recently, my mother acquired a portrait of Jesus which used to belong to my (religious) grandmother, and it now sits in our utility room; every time I go out there I see it staring at me and I feel VERY self-conscious, every time, like every little thing I do in front of it is being judged. I actually played with the cat in front of it and got the feeling that everything I was doing was on display and was thus false, being enacted for my watcher's benefit. I felt like a phony, even if I had really wanted to play with the cat. One other thing I want to point out is how my role in the dream--as a passive onlooker--coincides with how I feel about Jesus in real life--I see Him as this great Guy, surrounded by fans and followers who love Him; He seems friendly and popular and good enough, yet I feel unworthy to even approach Him lest I go unnoticed and ignored; so I keep away from Him and stay on the sidelines, no matter how much I might want to step up and say hello. So you can see I have some very conflicted ideas about Jesus, so why He would appear as a woman in my dream--why He would even appear at all--greatly puzzles me. Aside from my older, somewhat more humorous dream "The Junkfood Jesus," this is the only time I can ever remember dreaming about Him (or in this case, Her). :/

Now, nobody call me sacrilegious or disrespectful or whatever...it was just a dream I had, not what I personally believe. PERSONALLY, I think Jesus likely has a sense of humor and is amused by how serious some people are about Him. But I wouldn't know, of course. What I want to know is why He appeared in my dream as a WOMAN! Much less why He appeared at ALL. My only other dream featuring Jesus featured Him as a portrait made out of junkfood and...part of His eyebrow fell off and I ate it. o_o I didn't really take that dream seriously, but I don't know, I just have a feeling that this one might be a "Big Dream"--some sort of meaningful message I have to get. Any ideas? I think I summed up my own feelings about Jesus above...one kind of silly additional possibility that jumped into my head was that the picture of George "Bush" might have been related to the burning bush or something, but that's just an obvious play on words I noticed. No real clue. *shrug*

When I have a religious dream I have no idea what to make of it!! >_<;;; This is even weirder than my dream of the other night when the Muslim terrorist slit my mom's throat and I had trouble dialing "911"...the irony of THAT one hit me IMMEDIATELY. But only because it was so damn obvious. Still no idea what it meant, either. In a really old plane crash/911 dream of mine I went to dial 911 while Ma exclaimed she was going to bring Kool-Aid to the survivors. Kool-Aid? *guh* Only now have I just noticed the possible alternate meaning of AID, but still...Kool-Aid?? I need to lay off of the puns. o_O

Well, I have to go now...tar until later.