09-20-03 @ 11:23 am EDT

I was about to log off when I discovered that somebody I had written about in here before had started a new journal elsewhere. The older entry is last month's This Entry Has No Title! Wait, It--DAMMIT! Here is the text I'm referring to (sorry to copy and paste but I can't be sure you'll actually click through to it):

...Once I came across a diary of somebody who followed a particular pagan faith, and they were really full into it--a new name to go along with it, and everything. It's a faith I've had interest in but have no chance of ever joining. That probably gives it away already. >_< Sorry. Anyway, I found this interesting but wandered off. A while later I crossed their diary on another site and found out that they had managed to compromise Christianity with this pagan religion to create their own belief system, and the way they outlined their beliefs in an entry made it seem they had full faith in it--they had no problem believing it, and found no trouble reconciling (THAT'S the word I meant, not compromising) the two. This is contrary to what most Christians think, but that's not the point. I was impressed and inspired that this person had managed to take what they had found most comforting and useful from two very different faiths and had blended this together into their own "new" spiritual path. Who knows if it was right or wrong; who can ever know until the end. What I admired was how strong their belief was in it, and how comfortable they were in this new faith of theirs. I so badly wished *I* could be that way.

Well, a little while later what do you know, I crossed their diary again and they had suddenly completely RENOUNCED the pagan faith and returned to Christianity wholeheartedly, talking about how wrong they had been and how right they were NOW. This total about-face stunned me--I know people can change, but they had seemed so SET before! Their last entry had been really confident--I'd really believed they'd really believed that. Now all of a sudden, boom, they had given it all up. Oh, they were wrong back then after all, NOW they were right, and comfortable in their faith. I was very, very disillusioned--not really because of the sudden change, I don't think (though that was part of it), but because they had been so SURE of their rightness back then, but they were so sure of it being wrong and were so SURE they were right THIS time...how could they tell if they were EVER going to be right? When they were pagan/Christian, they felt positive it was the right path. What had convinced them of this? What had been powerful enough to do that? Then bam, when they had given that up to be Christian, what had been powerful enough to convince them of THAT? How could they be so sure that THIS was the right path for them, when the last time they'd been so convinced, they'd apparently been wrong? To put it simply, how can you ever be sure you're on the right path if you can give the old path up so easily, having once thought the old path was the right one, too?

God A comes to you and you are certain he is the god for you. Then one day, no, God B is the one for you, and you were wrong about God A. How can you EVER be sure which is right? Remember, when God A first came to you, you were positive he was the one...but now you know you were wrong, and God B is the one...what if God C is to someday come along...what will you suddenly be thinking about God B then...?

Bla bla bla, who knows if this even makes sense. Long story short, my respect and admiration dropped like a stone. I think I was MOST peeved that this person still seemed to refer to one of their patron pagan deities in their entries, and they KEPT the pagan name they had had all along--this really grated on me. I know it was just a username, but it was a constant reminder, to ME, of their pagan alliance, since they had gotten it as a sign of this faith in the first place. Now that they were so very Christian, what were they doing still wearing it? Shouldn't they have changed their name, too, with their faith change?...

Get this. They have a new username, yes. It again refers to the pagan faith I mentioned. And AGAIN they seem to have reconciled Christianity and this pagan faith into one belief system. Just as they had before they last changed their mind. I read a couple of entries, and it sounds like they never went back to 100% Christianity like they'd said they had, though they still profess to be Christian...as well as this other religion.

Wish, wash; wish, wash; wish, wash...

Yes, it's their choice; and at first I greatly respected that they had managed to do something that many Christians and those of other religious groups claim you cannot do. But when someone keeps changing their mind over and over and OVER again, it rather makes me think they don't know WHAT they believe, what they're talking about, and it tends to just piss me off. I get this feeling of, make up your damn mind or forget about it already. Me? At least I haven't settled on anything yet. I can't say that's a good thing, since it constantly bothers me that I have no distinct faith system, but it's better than switching teams all the time and making others wonder if I really know what the hell I'm talking about!

Remember when Perot ran for president? "I'm running!...no I'm not running...wait, I'm running again!...no, wait, I'm not...did I say I'm back, because I am!...hold on..."

In the end, instead of taking him seriously, most people just started seeing him as a wishy-washy laughingstock. This is the same thing. Is your faith something you should change daily like a pair of socks? I like to hope not, but judging by other people's choices, I really can't say. It makes me angry because constancy in faith is something I really want to achieve someday, and seeing others failing at it so miserably...it makes me feel very disillusioned and frustrated! Where and from whom am I ever going to learn my way if everybody around me either A. has no faith, B. has a faith which is so exclusive it goes against everything I do believe in, or C. CAN'T MAKE UP THEIR MIND?

I really haven't anything else to post about right now, so tar...