04-30-04 @ 3:20 am EDT

Extra! Extra!

Is plain old bottled aloe gel good or bad for dry frizzy crappy hair? Every frigging day I wet my hair--wash it with triple moisturizing shampoo--rinse my hair--condition it with triple moisturizing conditioner--rinse my hair--spray it with leave-in pro-vitamin conditioner--rub my hair--slather it with two more kinds of pro-vitamin serums--rub my hair--then brush my hair--put in my headband--and try to face the day, such as it is. I put so much frigging stuff in this hair you would think that by now it would have the texture of frigging GLASS. But no, it still somehow manages to frizz and fray and just act like crap in general. My hair is simply too damaged or frail, and no amount of this leave-in stuff seems to make it heavy or strong or shiny enough. (Every hair care commercial which says, "I hate heavy hair, I want mine nice and fluffy!"--I want to scream "YOU HAVE A STYLIST, SHUT THE HELL UP, I'D KILL FOR HEAVY HAIR!!") I have tried just about every way I know of to try to figure out why once in a while it behaves itself, yet most of the time it acts like crap, when I do the EXACT SAME THING to it every single day.

Tried brushing it more often. Nope.

Tried not brushing it. Nope.

Tried wetting it often. Nope.

Tried leaving it dry more often. Nope.

Tried spraying more conditioner on it. Nope.

Tried a different shampoo. Nope.

Tried running my hands through it all night. Kinda worked, but only for a while...then it mysteriously fuzzed up again. Then I got it wet in total frustration and it acted like total crap. Then for some even more mysterious reason, right before I went to bed--it settled down again! What the hell!!

Even tried a different headband. Nope.

I've actually been considering castor oil, since I heard Britney Spears uses that. Eh, like I care who uses it, and like she doesn't have a stylist and high-end hair crap too, but I've heard it's good. Looked online. Mostly it's specialty stores selling conditioner with the stuff in it, but one site did give instructions...get your hair wet, then slather it in castor oil, put it in a net, and LEAVE IT that way for THIRTY MINUTES, then wash out! I don't have thirty minutes after waking up to just let my hair soak in oil!

Still, I'm considering just trying it and then rinsing it out. Haven't yet. Don't have any castor oil, for one thing. Only mineral oil. o_o

We had a bottle of aloe gel which once gave the suggestion to "try it as hair gel!" I'm sure they meant STYLING gel, but what the heck, it's not like I have anything better to do with my time besides read.

So if I can summon up the guts, today before going to bed, I might slather some aloe gel on this crap and see if THAT can possibly make it any worse. Just for kicks. If I can summon up the guts.

Stay tuned.

Tar.