07-14-04 @ 9:48 am EDT

I wrote an offline entry on the 10th, and was going to come in and say, I may as well post here anyway despite what I said because who's really keeping track of when I say I will and won't post. But then I didn't feel like posting it then. But then I wrote another offline entry a bit later. But then I didn't feel like posting that one then, either. So here is an entry I wrote like four days ago, and then there is another one after that. Because I felt like writing them but didn't feel like posting them then. Whatever.

I proofed it but there may be errors which I meant to look up at Google to make sure if I got them right, but I forgot what they were, but who besides me is keeping track of that either. Here is the entry already.

7/10/04

I know I stated I would likely not be posting in here for a while, but last night I kept seeing things on TV that finally pissed me off so much that I wanted to come in here and bitch about something other than myself for a change.

My bitching is now about drugs. I mean either the prescription brand ones, or the new NON-prescription ones you order over the phone. This is something I've noticed for quite a while, but only last night did the realization strike me full force.

I think it started back with the Viagra ads. I actually did not mind those--they featured men and their wives, showing concern over the men's sexual dysfunctions and then talking about the miracle of Viagra and how it helped their relationships. For somebody with an actual sexual dysfunction, I don't doubt Viagra could be an apparent Godsend (even though sex just isn't important to me, and I can't really understand its necessity to so many people, I guess it's important to them at least), and the ads did not bother me. Eventually, though I noticed a subtle shift from the concerned couples talking about their sexual dysfunctions to...apparently okay couples who just wanted an extra "spark" in the bedroom. No sexual dysfunctions were mentioned anymore; it was just men who wanted to lay somebody, and women who wanted to get laid. Well, maybe it was just me. Maybe these people were still suffering sexual dysfunctions but weren't being so obvious about it anymore. Honestly, how many of you really wanted to hear Bob Dole talking about erectile dysfunction?

Then came the competition: ads for Cialis and Levitra, featuring happy-looking couples just wanting that extra oomph in bed. One commercial showed a football player or an ex-football player or some such tossing a football at a tire swing. He missed the first time and kind of frowned, but as soon as he took his miracle drug, that football went RIGHT through the swing--and out came his (much younger-looking) wife, who commenced draping herself over him, grinning coyly, and leading him into the house as he tossed the now-forgotten football into a box and went inside with her--to do what, well, it's pretty obvious. I mean, aside from a train and a tunnel, how much more obvious can you get? Well, I thought, he looked like he was getting on in years; maybe he had a sexual dysfunction.

Then came another ad with a woman doing all the talking, chattering about how "her man" took this wonder drug and now was a stud in the bedroom--not in so many words, but she sure used the words "My Man"--as if he were not even her husband, yet her OBJECT--enough times. I swear, she never even says he's her husband--just "My Man." She grins coyly throughout the entire commercial and when the "Man" in question FINALLY appears, she drapes herself over him and grins coyly some more. I found this particular ad creepy, because to me, it looked like that guy was almost SCARED to be stuck with this apparent nympho-wife. In what I think is the same commercial, she grins at him--coyly, of course--and drags him by the hands toward what I assume to be the bedroom (though it could be the kitchen counter for all I know), and the camera is forced to focus on a fishbowl sitting nearby, while they are off probably having sex. (They can't show that in a commercial just yet. Give them time, they showed the football-through-the-tire-swing.) NOWHERE in the ad is sexual dysfunction mentioned--she just wants "better performance," as if her spouse is some kind of sports car that needs a tune-up. She even says, "It's not quantity, it's quality." Uh-huh, yeah, judging by the way she drapes herself over him repeatedly throughout the commercial until the poor guy HAS to give in. I never thought I'd feel such sympathy for a guy who's getting some.

Then there was another commercial in which the MEN are doing all the coy grinning and chasing after the women. In one scene, a woman is sitting on the porch step potting a plant and out comes her husband, sitting behind her in a rather obvious manner ("Honey, is that a flowering vine in your pocket or are you happy to see me?") and hugging her in an even more obvious manner, WHILE SHE'S TRYING TO POT THIS POOR PLANT! She smiles but kind of removes his arm as if to say, "Honey, for God's sake, NOT NOW!" But he hugs her and grins and you just know that because he's taken the drug ("It works for up to 36 hours so YOU can pick the right time!"), somebody's going to be getting some, and that plant will just have to wait another 36 hours. In another scene a couple is walking down a beach and the guy of course looks just about ready to start jumping around the woman like a dog after a bone (sorry for the mixed simile there)--sex on the beach, anyone, with waves crashing over you and nearly drowning you? I don't think that guy is going to wait until they walk ALL the way back home. And in another shot, a man and a woman are reclining in twin tubs overlooking the ocean, touching hands as a voice says, "When the time is right..." Well, if the time is right NOW, I'd suggest they get a bigger tub, because those little things aren't going to cut it.

Then came those atrocious "Bob" commercials...ugh, have you seen these? The first time I saw one I could not believe they were actually airing it. There is this man named Bob who is on a sex drug and on his face is plastered the most CREEPY, UNNERVING full-toothed grin you will ever see. His eyes bug out and his teeth gleam as if he has been catatonically frozen that way. Oh, he engages in all sorts of everyday activities--in the first commercial he was bargaining with some Japanese businessmen who kept making remarks like, "He is firm and unyielding like wood!"--then he was jumping in a swimming pool and losing his trunks, and everyone was raising their eyebrows knowingly as they looked below his waistline--and in the current commercial he waves cheerily at a neighbor who is busy watering his lawn, only for the neighbor's hose to suddenly go limp in his hands. Can you say ob-vi-ous? Now I admit that the first commercial made me laugh, albeit with shocked disbelief. But that was only because I figured Bob was a one-time anomaly--surely that creepy grin would fade from his face over time? Yet it didn't--they have recently been airing yet MORE commercials in the life of Bob, and in each one--the creepy unnerving grin is still there. It never changes. Even his wife gives a rather creepy grin and a clasp of the hands when Bob arrives and you can practically hear her thinking, "Momma's getting some tonight!" Trust me, if Bob grinned at her like that EVERY DAMN DAY like he seems to do, she would NOT be quite so cheery anymore...I mean, that guy is permanently STUCK that way! ("In case of erections lasting over four hours, immediately consult a physician," as the other drug ads warn--suffice it to say that I think by now Bob is WAY past the four-hour limit! Oh, his poor poor penis...*shudders*)

And only rarely is sexual dysfunction mentioned at all (and even when it is, the actors involved hardly seem bothered by it!). Instead we have talk of penile enhancement--oh, the unit already works JUST FINE--we just need to REV IT UP a little! These people in the commercials do not strike me as having problems of any sort--they're just bored, and horny, and want a quicker way to get in the mood. Screw foreplay, they want it RIGHT NOW! So along come the pills. Never mind that none of them have any dysfunctions of any sort; apparently you do not need dysfunctions anymore, to need a drug. Simply BEING NORMAL is now a dysfunction, I guess. If you can't get in the mood RIGHT NOW then you've got a serious problem.

I was willing to overlook the numerous sex drug ads--sorry, penile enhancement ads--as drek...but then along came the MOOD DRUGS. Now, I am one of the moodiest people in the world and I myself will attest to the fact that when prescribed responsibly, I believe drugs can work all sorts of wonders--for people with actual problems. But like I said, I guess just being normal is considered problem enough, nowadays.

It was the ADD ads that got me first. First there were ads for a new children's drug for ADD. Then ones for adult ADD--and this still grates on me. Why is there this big need to distinguish childhood ADD from ADULT ADD? What is the difference?? ADD is NOT just a childhood disorder! I was diagnosed with the damn thing when I was a TEENAGER, for crying out loud--hello, I have not been able to sit down and focus and read a chapter of a book in literally months. Maybe in the past it was thought of as merely a childhood disorder, but that's been proven wrong by now. You don't have to be a kid to have it, and it's not like it just "goes away" when you hit puberty. Okay, quit using the stupid "adult" qualifier now--it's just ADD. Cripes already! Like one is easier to live with than the other!

Well anyway...the ADD ads came, and I read an online journal entry from an adult arguing against them; one ad said something much like, "Does your mind act like a TV switching the channels one after another, never staying on any for long? Do random thoughts flit through your head? Do you feel yourself unable to focus...?" yadda yadda yadda--I know the drill, I go through it every single day. (Even in this entry. YOO!) The journaler complained, "Does your mind act like a TV switching the channels...? Do random thoughts flit through your head? Do you feel yourself unable to focus?--CONGRATULATIONS, YOU'RE A TYPICAL BUSY ADULT!!" And while I realize she did have a point, it was only up to a certain point, for there IS a difference between multitasking adults with lots on their minds, and adults who just can't sort their thoughts no matter what. Hi, here I am again...still haven't read a chapter in months.

But then I saw the ad which says, "Come to our website and answer our ADD questionnaire--six questions--to determine if you could have ADD..." and immediately thought: "Six questions? I could answer an online survey of TEN questions and that would STILL not be anywhere NEAR accurate enough to diagnose me with anything!" Oh, I'm sure the site has loads of disclaimers--"Do not rely on our information--please see a qualified psychiatrist for a proper diagnosis"--but come ON! They could have at least used maybe, say, the questions the DSM-whatever-edition-it's-in-now uses to determine whether one has a mental disorder--which SURELY must be more than six--or at the very least, make up a much more thorough questionnaire with like TWENTY questions. (At least!) Not a measly stinking six. It's like this one site I went to and it didn't matter HOW many I answered positively--just as long as I answered above a certain number, it said it was "likely" that I had that particular disorder. Never HIGHLY likely or SOMEWHAT likely--always just plain "likely." I even faked my answers on one and got the same "likely" I got when I had answered with fewer, yet more truthful, positive answers. I wonder what they tell you if you don't answer any positively, you're "not likely"? Either way, "likely" or "not likely" is a far cry from any sort of diagnosis, even an informal online one. Give me a break.

You can tell a mental health website is run by a big drug company when it acts like this. Whenever I go searching for mental health info and find the SLIGHTEST sign that the site is run by a drug company, I bail out of there FAST. Because the info is always going to be loaded in their favor--"OMG, you're showing symptoms!! Get our drug now!"

Hence I agreed even MORE with that journaler's entry. Some people just want to put you on drugs. Cripes.

THEN came the sleeping/waking drug ads. "Tossing and turning? Looking for a safe way to fall asleep?" or "Feeling tired and worn out? Looking for a safe way to gain some energy...?" Oh, it didn't matter which end of the spectrum it was, they had a drug just for that. I made fun of these ads when they came out--"Looking for a safe way to fall asleep? IT'S CALLED USING YOUR BED! Looking for a safe way to gain some energy?--TRY SLEEPING, DUMBASS!" My disbelief grew on hearing these ads. One of them ACTUALLY states that the stresses and frustrations of everyday life can just add up and add up and add up until...you need this nice safe drug to calm it all down! And another has the gall to state that, gee, when you're feeling all tired and worn out from WORKING ALL DAY and NOT SLEEPING AT NIGHT, hey, you can take this nice little drug and perk right up! I kid you not--the ad shows people stressing out and overworking at the office, and not getting enough sleep, and so here, they MUST take this upper. (Oh, they NEVER use such dread words as "upper" or "downer"--but face it, what else is in those little pills...?) Nowhere is an actual SLEEP or WAKING or STRESS dysfunction named--just people who work too much, and stress too much, and don't get enough sleep (or people who DON'T WANT TO yet HAVE TO get to sleep, whichever way the spectrum goes--no, they don't have persistent insomnia, because otherwise the ad says to see a specialist for that). Since these people are too STUPID to take some needed vacation time, here is a nice drug they can take to make it all go away...so they can overwork and overstress and undersleep some more. And then keel over dead! No, the ad does not say that. But pay attention the next time it comes on. See the little people overworking and getting fatigued. See the nice narrator suggest they use this drug to gain some "safe" energy. And wonder, Why the hell don't they just take a break??

SLEEP! Mother Nature's WONDER DRUG!

I'm a bit of a hypocrite here as I take sleeping pills far more than I should, but at least I know this is not healthy behavior, and at least when I feel tired I don't sit here and think, "Damn, I feel tired! I should take some uppers!"--I sit here and think, "Damn! I DIDN'T GET ENOUGH SLEEP!" For crying out loud. Some people should use their brains. Overwork, undersleep, DUH!--you're gonna get tired! And no, you don't need a frigging drug to fix that--just use that thing called a bed! (And not for sex, either!) I swear, these people must sit at home and think, "Duhhrrr, why do I keep falling asleep all the time...? Why do we even need sleep? Duhhrrr..."

Well, last night was the last straw. I was watching some program about Eileen Wuornos or whatever and after a while I noticed the...HUGE amount of drug commercials airing on every break! I'm not joking, these things were coming out the wazoo. (I'd expect this from a cheesy T&A network like fX or Spike TV, but not from A&E--so much for respectable!) I didn't really pay attention to them at first until I at last randomly heard what they were actually SAYING...and it made my blood boil.

The first one I remember had to do with daily stress, much like the commercials I spoke of above. "Too much stress at the job wearing you out...?" Used to this, I tuned it out. Then they started airing another one which made me freeze and then gawk up at the TV in disbelief. Apparently...there is now a drug that can help you improve your faltering memory...as well as make you feel LESS FRUSTRATION and LESS EMBARRASSMENT! I kid you not--they advertised this repeatedly. "Memory not what it used to be? Drug Such-And-Such helps you with your failing memory...as well as helps you feel less frustration, and less embarrassment." Cue shots of somebody growing frustrated while trying to manipulate something that's not working, I forget what it was, then of somebody standing with his fly open in public and feeling oddly embarrassed. Wow, a drug that helps combat forgetfulness AND such troublesome emotions as frustration and embarrassment! Coolness!

I just CANNOT...believe this. Now everyday frustration and embarrassment are bad enough conditions to qualify for a drug, too. What's more, this drug is NON-PRESCRIPTION, whatever the hell that means. I admit I'm in the dark. What do you do, just call up and ORDER it, and bam, there you are, less frustrated and less embarrassed? Where is the FDA on all of this? How do they get away with something like this? (WHY DON'T THEY HAVE SOMETHING FOR AN ACTUAL DISORDER?!--hello!--disordered person here!!)

"What the--?!" I blurted out on seeing this ad (which, by the way, also touted itself as being the NATURAL way to solve these particular problems--NATURAL!--a frigging PHARMACEUTICAL DRUG is now considered NATURAL!). And sorry but my remaining thoughts are going to be stream-of-consciousness and very ADD-y and disorganized, but...well, YIPPEE! I'm guessing that embarrassment and frustration have been officially added to the DSM-whatever-edition-it's-in-now as actual mental disorders, because you can now get a drug for them. Never mind that your frustration might stem from really dealing with a situation which for most TYPICAL people would cause frustration, or that your embarrassment stems from a situation which would embarrass just about EVERYBODY with a rational, functioning mind. You mean you just stepped out of the bathroom and there was toilet paper stuck to your shoe and EVERYBODY SAW IT AND LAUGHED?--oh my Gawd, here, take this drug, because it's not NORMAL to feel embarrassed! So you say you're being sexually harassed at work?--damn, take this pill!--can't go feeling frustrated and embarrassed or anything now! Just...zonnnnnnne ouuuuuuut...because that's where all of this medicating is taking us, after all. Frustration and embarrassment are the disorders of choice today. What about tomorrow? Anger? Sadness? Irritation? Grief? Impatience? "My father just died!--I'm in grief!" "Well, HEAVEN FORBID! Take this drug, you'll feel better in no time!" While we're at it, such things as glee and cheer and enthusiasm are going to be nixed as normal emotions, too, because these emotions entail such horrid reactions as--LAUGHING and CHEERING and SHOWING EXUBERANCE! *horror* We can't have any of that, now...middle line...just zonnnnnnne ouuuuuuut. Take a drug, any drug, just so you're not TOO happy or TOO unhappy...because we can't have that happening. An excess of ANY emotion is a bad thing. Go on and take the drug...because if you're emotional, you're disordered.

Seriously, that's where this is taking us now. FRUSTRATION and EMBARRASSMENT--two normal human reactions to frustrating and embarrassing situations--are now considered so bad that there is a nice NON-prescription drug so you can handle yourself. (I never thought I'd say this--and sorry to people who have been there, I'm not belittling you--but--whatever happened to plain old alcohol??) Righteous anger, grieving over death, even cheering wildly at sporting events are likely to be next on the list of emotions to be nixed as bad. I can fully understand the need of medication for people with chronic, irrational frustration or embarrassment--heck, these emotions are all-too-common with such things as borderline personality disorder and ADD and social anxiety--but this commercial was NOT talking about those actual disordered reactions. It was clearly showing people in frustrating, embarrassing situations--and by insisting there was a drug to cure such emotions, it was clearly insinuating that such emotional reactions are abnormal, even in an understandable context such as this. To put that in a lot fewer, smaller words: Even if you have a damn good reason for being frustrated or embarrassed, it's still not right, and here's a drug you can take for it.

This is just beyond pathetic, and even borderline frightening. Think of the days of happy pills and tranquilizers and "little helpers," of just popping something to...stop feeling anything...whatsoever. Just...going numb. Reaching that flat, middle line. Not only not feeling all those irrational, over-the-top, disordered emotions...but not feeling anything at all. Not feeling rightfully angry when provoked, not feeling rightfully guilty when you have done something wrong, not feeling rightfully sad when someone you care for has died...not feeling rightfully happy when something has gone right, not feeling rightfully proud when you've done well, not feeling rightfully enthusiastic about something you care about. Eventually, not feeling rightfully afraid when SOMEBODY IS BREAKING INTO YOUR HOUSE TO FRIGGING MURDER YOU!

Sounds like exaggeration? Think about it. FEAR! That bad emotion of all bad emotions. Right up there with ANGER as the emotion most in need of treatment. All of the anxiety disorders are motivated by FEAR, and this is the emotion that doctors have been trying to treat for hundreds of years. Irrational fear is something that is in great need of proper treatment. But when you can take a drug that gets rid of ANY emotions, whether good or bad, whether they are warranted by the circumstances or not...there will go thousands of years of humans' survival instincts. For it's only human to feel embarrassed at certain times, and frustrated at others, and afraid at yet others. They're working on getting rid of rational embarrassment and rational frustration today. Who's to say they won't get to work on ridding us of RATIONAL FEAR tomorrow? You say a man just tried to rape you and you screamed and flailed and actually HIT him and ran away?--sheesh, lady, that was just histrionic; you need help. Try this drug...so you can just zonnnnnnne ouuuuuuut next time.

With the way this is all headed, we'll all be mindless, emotionless zombies any day. And while I am FIRST up there to admit that there are more times than not that I would LOVE to feel nothing whatsoever...I do not want to be a mindless emotionless zombie for the rest of my life. Give me drugs and therapy for this stupid irrational fear of mine, but for the love of God, when they start trying to take my RATIONAL emotional reactions away--toss those pill bottles out in the trash!! Maybe some lucky raccoon will ingest them.

*deep breath* That is my rant...I'm sticking to it...and my mind is frazzled by now. Need to go and simmer down. Maybe, the next time, I will write about sex. If I don't have an emotional reaction before then, which is highly likely.