07-14-04 @ 10:03 am EDT

Now here is the other entry I typed up, just yesterday it appears, which will probably freak you out if you read this regularly...or not...whichever, I'm sure you'll read it anyway if you want to read it, and if you don't want to read it, then you have nothing to worry about and this disclaimer means nothing because you're not reading it, either.

I guess I was way bored.

7/13/04

Okay, here is an entry about sex.

I recently ordered and obtained the book Sextrology: The Astrology of Sex & The Sexes by Starsky and Cox (I guess they're like Hall & Oates, and must go by last names only...isn't it funny that one name reminds you of astrology, and the other reminds you of sex? Hmm). This book gives rundowns of the male and female of each sign and details their sexual preferences and compatibility with other signs. What's more is it even has listings for gay people--the first time I've ever come across that in an astrology book. Before now I always had to substitute "Woman" for "Passive" or "Bottom." Interesting. Now I can see how compatible Devetko (Virgo) and Brooks (Capricorn) really are, though of course I knew they were compatible all along; that's why I gave them those signs. But anyway. Along with each sign and gender there is a little listing of turn-ons for both straights and gays of that particular sign and gender, and I wished to see just how much Libra Woman matches up with me...not that I really KNOW what all my turn-ons are (not like I've ever DONE anything aside from write fiction, and when's the last time I wanted to have sex with a woman, or in public?--never, that I can recall), but, well, maybe I can muse, and it's not like this entry is meant to be dead serious anyway. So if you were looking for that maybe you'd better move on elsewhere.

I decided to go with the "Str8 Turn-Ons" list for Libra Woman, as I have never really been attracted to a woman, that I can recall, so I can only guess I'm at least mostly straight. The only time I ogle women is when I'm thinking, "I wish I had that figure! I wish I had that hair! Bitch!"

Listings will be in bold. My responses will...not be in bold. Go figure, huh?

Younger men Hm...well...I can't say as I've ever really noticed a preference for younger men. If anything, I would think I'd be drawn to slightly older, or at least my own age. Then again, I don't consider myself old enough to lust after younger men without it being called something like statutory rape. Maybe I need to give myself a few more years. But anyway, I rather have this fantasy of being cared for by someone else, and younger men in general don't tend to do that unless you're like their grandmother, and I am not quite THAT interested in fantasizing...*shudders*

So, I would have to say no, that is not a turn-on for me.

Artists, sensitives Well, obviously, yes. When I first started admitting my preferences publicly it leaned toward this time--the brooding wounded healer type, which the artist and sensitive fit into perfectly. And that still holds, to a point. I do have this crush on Anubis who I picture as a sensitive type, and I think Turquoise Rat, Det. Kristeva, Tal Natha, Resikh, and Djuta (all sensitives) are absolutely adorable. *major droolage over Djuta* But the problem is, artists and sensitives can tend to be whiny and moody and irritating, like myself...and how long would I be able to tolerate being stuck with somebody just like myself? That's why a date between Anubis and myself might be nice, but I do not think we would work as a couple. No offense to Anubis, of course. Yes, I sound insane by now.

So, I would have to say yes to this one, but to a point. One can only take so much sensitivity before wanting to tear their own head off, and aside from Pisces and Cancer, Libra is about as frigging sensitive as they come.

Smooth, sculptural bodies I can't stand hairy men! I'm sorry but EEEGGHHH!! Unless by hair you're talking about...Upuat or any of my Apsiu! *drools* But they would count as "furries," and even Upuat's hair is limited to his wolf head...so no, no, no, no hairy men for me. So smooth it is. But I'm not sure what they mean exactly by "sculptural"--if they mean well defined, lean and well built, then okay, but if they mean either chunky/stocky or borderline fat and flabby like one of those atrocious Greek god sculptures (sorry but those guys aren't built sexily, they're SOFT!), then sorry, not for me. This isn't to say I would turn less-than-adequate builds away...every once in a while I think of this guy I knew in high school art class, who seemed to be into some of the same weird esoteric subjects I was into, and who was rather cute, and he was mildly chubby, but *sigh*...I just bet he had a dozen girlfriends already. Thank God for the anonymity of the Internet, where absolutely NOBODY I knew in real life seems to have ventured whatsoever. o_o

So yes to this one, I guess.

Veiny forearms Aeee...eeuugghhh! I hate those! Every time I see them all I can think is DRUG ADDICT! >_< BUT...I do like moderately veiny hands...not with the veins all sticking out dark blue and purple and twining every which way, but hands in which the veins concealed beneath the skin, as well as the muscles and tendons and ligaments and whatever else is in there, give them a distinctive shape. I can't really explain it without showing a picture, and I'm afraid I don't have any. I picture Damien with such hands. Hands with character. Hands are a nice too-overlooked part of the anatomy. Arms? Veinage to a point would be okay, but totally veiny, ugh, ugh, not too much please...all I would ever be able to do is think of needles and AGH you know how I hate needles... >_<

So this one is up in the air a bit.

Morning sex o_o Um...well...I can't really say. Since I've never had it or anything. o_o So I can't entirely write it off. But, what do they mean by morning sex--? Actual morning, or "You just woke up, so it's the morning to you, whatever time it happens to be"? Because you see, I'm wide awake in the morning, so to me, morning sex would be just like wide-awake, not long before bed sex. Whereas the REAL morning for me is around 8 PM, when I get up. And then I'm really preoccupied with washing my hair before anybody sees it, and I'm tired and groggy and irritated, so...if by "morning sex" they mean "right after you wake up" sex, then no, I would detest it like the plague.

So this one is iffy, but I guess I will just say no.

Sixty-nine O_O;;; Ummmmmm...well, I can never 100% write something off unless I KNOW I would hate it...so...I guess I can't write it off. But I am so...well, I hate to say this at this point, but...anal about boundaries, and other people's hygiene, that I can't even stand being hugged much, so...the thought of putting somebody's penis in my mouth does not appeal to me. And lest you think I'm being prejudiced here, no, the thought of somebody putting his tongue in my...you know what doesn't appeal to me much, either. Filthy filthy filthy! >_<

So no, almost a definite no on this one.

(Active) grooming, shaving Now that's a weird one. Hm. I assume that means I should like grooming and shaving my partner, rather than letting him groove or shame me...I left that typo because I find it funny! I really did type that out on accident, though it sounds really Freudian, doesn't it?? HA HA HA HA!! I of course meant groom or shave...anyway, while I guess I would have nothing terribly against grooming another person, I would prefer that the man I'm with not be excessively hairy (unless he's an Apsiu! *drool*), and the thought of grooming somebody doesn't really strike me as a sexual turn-on. I truly can't imagine myself wanting to brush or cut somebody's hair when I would be in the mood. That just sounds strange to me.

So this one would be a no.

Hairy, muscular legs Muscular? Perhaps yes, depends on what you mean by "muscular"--well-defined muscles good, huge bulky bodybuilder muscles not. But hairy legs?? UGH! See my above about hairy persons. A slight or average amount of hair on the legs of a man is okay (heck, I don't bother shaving my own anymore, what's the point?), but the REALLY hairy ones...sorry, no go.

So this is a no, no, TRIPLE no.

Europeans o_O Huh? Europeans...? Is there some sort of magical sex thing that sets Europeans apart from all other peoples...? What do they even mean by European--? That could be anything from French to British to Russian or Baltic or even Italian and Spanish...is this supposed to mean something specific? Or by European do they simply mean those Caucasoid peoples who immigrated to America and are set apart from such other peoples as blacks, Native Americans, Asians, etc....? Do they just mean "white people"? I have no clue where to go with this one. If they mean those supposedly exotic white people with an accent, then they're okay, but they don't do anything more or less for me than anyone else would...unless I can't understand a damn word they're saying, then that would be a turn-off. If they mean simply white people of European descent, then I have to admit that I would more likely be drawn to a lighter-skinned or Caucasoid person, if only because 1. that's about all we have living around here thus it's about all I know, and 2. my dad would steam and bitch endlessly if I ended up with some OTHER type of person, and I have to live here 24 hours a day, and I do not want to have to put up with that any more than I have to. Though I suppose if I ever fell in love, I would just fall in love with who I fall in love with, European or...hairy or sensitive or not. Though I really don't think that'll ever happen.

So this one is either/or. No clue.

Cross-dressing Well, the book does not specify WHO would do the cross-dressing. My partner? Or me?? There's little that's left to women dressing like men, because they do it anyway and it's considered normal! My clothing isn't exactly feminine OR masculine...I wear a blouse and shorts, for cripes' sakes! If they mean, would I be turned on by my partner dressing like a woman...? Since I'm not attracted to women, I can't think of why this would turn me on. Sorry, all you transvestites out there. Or not--at least it means you'll never end up with me.

So no to that. Starsky and Cox should really make themselves clearer on some of these.

Nipple, navel piercings Okay, for the record--I have nothing against people who want to get their you-know-what's and don't-know-where's pierced--freedom of...pierceage, I guess. But in MY humble opinion, piercings are best left to two simple locations: the ears, and the nose. Aside from that, no, I am not exactly turned on. A piercing on my lover would not do anything extra to turn me on (though Apsiu are very cute in their earrings! *drool*), and there is NO WAY IN HELL I am ever getting a piercing for myself, ear or nose or anywhere else.

So a definite no to that one.

Romance novels Considering that all romance novels I have ever seen feature women with names like Morgan or Brianna and men with names like Banner or Connor or...Morgan (is it just me or do they all sound Celtic??)...and considering that EVERY SINGLE romance novel I have ever seen features a swooning, flowing-haired, tightly corseted, heaving-bosomed woman with her eyes half closed, draped in the arms of a husky, brawny, bulky, bare-chested man...and considering that no matter what the races of the characters involved, they will always look oddly Caucasian (even the Native American characters always look like white people with darker skin!--ALWAYS!)...and considering that the wind always seems to be blowing endlessly in this weird cover-art alternate universe...and considering that words like fiery and passionate and hot-tempered and rebellious and willful and tame (as in, "Will he be able to tame her fiery passionate hot-tempered rebellious willful nature?") always seem to be used...then friggin' NO, I am NOT turned on by friggin' romance novels! Not until somebody comes out with something that has velvety-furred guys with large wings and tusks and long tails and upright ears and dangling lappets and sexy armor and weapons, who fight and drink a lot and own their own harems and call each other "Brother" and talk all pompous like they came out of some period story set in ancient times, and...wait a minute...*drools*

So this one is a no, until romance novelists do better! MUCH better!

Long, straight hair On the right guy, yes, long straight hair is very nice, especially in a tail. Though chances are I would be more moved to jealousy than passion, by a guy whose hair is far nicer than my own. *dark glare* But on the wrong guy, or if that hair is so horrendously FRIZZY or SPLIT ENDED...*wails*

So this one can go either way, I guess.

Bisexuality Hm. o_o I can't see why this should be a turn-on or a turn-off...I mean, I would much prefer being with one man, and having one man be with me alone. If he happens to be bisexual? Why should I give a rip so long as he's with me? I wouldn't give a damn if he'd been with...oohhhhhhh, wait a minute! ^_^;;; Sorry, my mind is starting to lapse here...*starts drooling* *cough* Sorry...for some reason I was thinking of the thought of a woman being with other women, which does nothing for me, but the thought of a guy with another guy...MWA-HA-HA-HA-HA!! *cough* Sorry. But anyway--if he was loyal to me and me alone, whether he slept with only women or with women and men before me, or is attracted to both, wouldn't really matter. Just so long as he has no diseases (which holds for whichever gender he slept with--or dated, I should say, who's to say he was some kind of man-whore before I met him?), and doesn't get a wandering eye while we're together, I'm okay with this. But as for it being a turn-on, I'm not so sure. It's obvious I have no trouble thinking about two guys being together, but if the two guys in question happen to be my guy and one of his ex's (exes?), I'm not so sure I would like to discuss that! Ex's can be very awkward! o_o; Aside from all that...who really cares just as long as he's loyal? If by bisexuality they meant me, then didn't I already say that the only reason I am ever attracted to women is out of some insane jealousy for their perfect figures and hair? *steams*

So this one is not yes or no but just a MOOT. Makes no real difference.

Quickies I cannot really say without ever having been there. It's possible I'd like them, but I can't tell. But I don't really think I could be turned on that fast...

...So in the interests of being decisive, which Libras are not very good at, I'll just assume no to this one.

Foursomes All righties--while foursomes are good in fiction (and then only if there is more than one man involved--preferably together!), I really don't think I would enjoy doing something like that in person. I'm just too jealous for my own good. And even if I DID end up with a boyfriend, and had sex with him, which is a nonexistent chance in itself, I HIGHLY DOUBT I would let anyone ELSE see me naked with him or even on my own!! >_<;;;

So this one must of necessity be a NO. Unless they meant three men and me...? I never considered that. Oh dear. I should really start to shut up now. o_o;;;;;

Inverted positions Um...at the risk of sounding remarkably stupid (hey, I was like a senior in high school before I figured out what sixty-nine is!), I'm not sure what is meant by this. Inverted means backwards or the opposite way from the usual, so...what does that mean? Woman on top? That's hardly creative nowadays; I wouldn't even consider that inverted, by now. I really am trying to envision other "inverted positions" but it seems like people would always end up with their parts facing in incompatible directions, so...I don't know, I have no clue. Just sounds like too much trouble to me. What's the point if you're facing the wrong way?

So I guess I will say no, if only because I have no real idea what I'm talking about here. Obviously.

Voyeurism Well, depends on who's doing what. The horrendously shy part of me can't stand the thought of somebody peeping in when I'm with somebody, and I'm so easily embarrassed that I can't even watch simulated sex on TV--lousy voyeur I would make! But then again, I'm assuming that if I had a boyfriend and was having sex with him, I would not be quite so HORRENDOUSLY shy as I am now, so...I dunno, even taking that into account, I don't think voyeurism would be my bag. Only in my fiction do I seem to like that particular activity, and don't ask me why, I have no idea. That's my characters doing the voyeur'ing anyway, since I already know everything that's going on, so nyehh.

So I would say no for now, though I guess there's always a possibility.

Licking, nibbling, sucking Hm...I guess this would be okay, if the guy is not incredibly HAIRY! (Unless he is an Apsiu! Damn it, why do I keep focusing on that?! *pounds head*) As for it being done on me, I can't really say if I would like it; maybe, I dunno.

So I suppose...I'll just say yes, since it seems tolerable, at least. Dunno about it being a real turn-on, though. :/

M-M-F fantasies Meehhhh...heeheeheeheehee. ^_^;;;

A YES, if we all know each other and they are both okay with it...and maybe with each other...*dies of embarrassment*

Jetsetters, sugar daddies Jetsetters? No clue. Does that mean those businessmen types with the power...everythings, and the PDAs and cell phones glued to their hands, who always carry those nifty little briefcases and call everybody to say, "Let's do lunch, ciao baby"? If so, eh, that doesn't really do anything for me; too cold and impersonal and hyper-busy for an attention-whore like me. Sugar daddies...? Well...I already said way up there I have this fantasy of being cared for...somebody to take me in, pay for all my care, and let me sit around and write and surf all the time... :)

So a mild so-so yes to this one, at least as far as the sugar daddies are concerned. But he must not be interested in sex, unless I'm attracted to him. So nyah.

And thank GOD it's the last one...

(Passive) intense nipple play O_o;;; Err...the last one would have to be something like that!! I guess I can't entirely write it off...but it doesn't sound horribly appealing to me, either. And I'm not quite so sure I like what is implied by intense. As if piercings aren't intense enough. So...

I guess this final one is a no, at least until I should find out otherwise, which will be...NEVER!


OMFG...I have most likely freaked out every single reader I have left, in addition to myself. >_<;;; Oy. Well, let's tally up the results, to see how Libra Womanlike or non-Libra Womanlike I really am, according to Starsky and Cox, who don't seem to think Libra Woman should have a liking for being dominated by a big husky winged lappeted...um...*cough*

Total number of turn-ons: 22
Yes: 5
No: 13
Maybe/Undecided ('cause I'm a Libra and I can be indecisive, dammit!): 4

DAMN!! 5 yes's to 13 no's?? Is it that FRIGGIN' Aries Moon again?! That damn thing messes EVERYTHING up! ~~~>:/

This has not in the least been proofread, because if I do so, I will likely feel so humiliated I will just delete this entry entirely and you will never see it and I will have then wasted an hour of my time. And I do not want to deal with that frustration just now. So tar.