08-03-04 @ 3:32 am EDT

Yesterday at Open Diary I was updating my "Moon Ibis" diary, which hosts only fiction. (In addition I have my personal journal, and a dream diary. I'm going to play kind of fast and loose with the words "diary" and "journal" in this entry, sorry.) I had just finished posting one particular part of a story and was feeling rather frustrated, as my ISP is still giving me trouble and I have very limited time online; I wanted to finish posting these things so I could go to Yahoo! and upload some photos. So as you can guess, I was rather in a hurry.

At OD, as soon as you post an entry, the browser shuttles you through to the new entry itself--so you view it right after you post it. My ISP was a little groggy so it took me through a bit slower than usual, but I've seen worse. The page came up and I scrolled down to the bottom to see if I had formatted everything correctly and lo and behold--somebody had already left a note on that entry. An entry that was SO new that I, the author of the thing, had not even seen it yet. Somebody had already noted it!

That was already a very clear tip-off that this person had NOT in fact read that entry. I've had this happen before--OD and other such diary hubs are notorious for their diary Spammers--people who notebomb total strangers' diaries when they show up on the most recent entries list, just to beg for notes or readers, or to advertise their own lame diary review/makeover/advice/whatever services. They are not unique to OD, but they're a problem. The last such person was some emptyheaded teenaged brat who simply left the title of one of her(?) entries on my dream journal there and when I bit my tongue and went out of my way to POLITELY ask that she please not Spam me again, she bitched at me and claimed she found it amusing when I got angry, when the fact was her notes to me were incredibly rude while mine were incredibly restrained, considering how pissed off that made me. I wasn't the only person to leave such a note telling her to leave me alone, either. In fact it seemed this particular diarist had quite a reputation for Spamming others with the titles of her entries in an effort to gain readers. Yet in her entries defending herself she criticized people who sought attention, and claimed she didn't need readers and wasn't looking for them. Why then did she leave such notes? When I advised her (before I got truly mad at her snotty responses) she might have more luck gaining readers if she bothered to read OTHER people's entries--namely, the entries of the people she was kind enough to Spam--she actually had the gall to claim that she had no RIGHT to comment on entries of people she didn't even know!

Kinda deflated her own apparent tactic of Spamming others' diaries in an effort to gain readers, thus notes, of her own. She claimed this was not her purpose, but face it...what would YOUR reasoning be if you decided to go leave your entry titles on other people's entries?

Well, the only thing I could do was steam about it to myself, yet tell this person they weren't worth my time and any future notes they left would be deleted. That's pretty much all a LEGITIMATE diarist can do, anymore.

Well, anyway. What was this new note on this entry I had just posted a second before, so fresh that I had not even had a chance to look at it yet? It merely said "Get rated. Leave a note." And contained a link to #347,461,958 of the seemingly endless "review" and "advice" and "makeover" diaries out there. By now, I'm thinking that the webmaster should disallow anything with any of those three words in the name or title. Because that's how much these "services" are worth.

If you are actually one of those people who enjoy getting a review or a makeover on your personal diary, then more power to you, because another 347,461,958 (and counting!) dippy morons are in agreement. If you are like me, then please keep reading because you are welcome here.

Firstly, please see my June '03 entry on this very topic. Get that...almost exactly a year ago. Interesting how the same old topics always come around, huh?

Diary Reviews NOT Available Here

That entry sums it up much better and MUCH more polite than this one will, be assured.

Again, even though I shouldn't have HAD to, I decided to bite my tongue and be so sickeningly, unnecessarily polite that this little snothead would have NO excuse to be bitchy to me in return. After all, heaven forbid we should rile up the little snots, right? I decided to follow this person's request and LEAVE A NOTE, as she had so politely demanded, on MY diary, without reading MY entry. I went to her first and only entry in which she summed up in like two sentences the entire purpose of the thing--to give diary reviews. My Moon Ibis diary? It's for fiction, and only fiction. Period. There is nothing there TO review, unless she wanted to read a frigging novella, which I seriously doubt. Not that this little dip even would have noticed, she left her note and ran so damn fast as it was.

Well, like I said, I decided to honor her incredibly rude request. I went to her entry and left a note that simply said:

RYN: Please see my diary frontpage, second paragraph. Thank you.

Now, I edited the paragraph just a little bit immediately following her note. But I doubt she even bothered looking at it. Though if she did, it hardly mattered. Basically, the second paragraph on my diary frontpage states, in VERY POLITE language nothing at all like my paraphrasing, that I am NOT interested in f**king Spam, reviews, ratings, advice, makeovers, requests for notes, flamewars, or anything like that. I then amended it to include a link to the entry I mentioned above, in my "Lord Of The Eight" diary...just to be polite, and all.

I felt like ripping this little snothead a new one, but decided to honor her demand for me to leave her a note, and did so. I even said "Please" and "Thank you" and wasn't even so rude as to use the word "Spam" for what was quite clearly Spam, because that's just mean. (Feel the sarcasm dripping through my veins.) Because, like I said, heaven forbid I should be so rude to the poor innocent diary Spammer. Who hadn't even GLANCED at my entry before leaving her stupid-ass note and splitting. (Like I'd WANT a review from somebody with so little attention for details?--but that part comes a little later; keep reading.)

Today I logged on again, fully expecting to see a little bitchy rant note posted on my latest entry, because it's been my sad experience that no matter HOW f**king polite one is with tiny-headed Spammers like this, they will just bitch like little prisses in return. It's actually kind of funny, at times, now that I'm trying to control my own anger better and leaving them SICKENINGLY polite notes--to see them fly off the handle as if *I* were the rude one! Even when I did snap and get mad at that other person who left her entry title on my diary, I did not use rude language or insults, and I even tried to be helpful and polite at first--and she in return called me names and insulted me. "Ha ha, that was easy," she crowed like a little dipshit when I got angry and told her off for the last time. Ah, she showed her colors there by admitting that her real purpose was in pissing off random strangers...that's quite a mature purpose to have in life, I guess. (Yes, that seeping, oozing sound you hear is the thick seeping ooze of sarcasm, still dripping through my veins. You can tap me like a maple tree in spring.) I was honestly surprised the LAST time this happened because when I politely told off the last Spammer I had there, she came back and APOLOGIZED. ! Rarity among rarities! I was almost ready to go over and commend her for that, as she was the FIRST Spammer I ever had who apologized for Spamming me, but decided not to; she might have taken it the wrong way then and gotten bitchy. Besides, like any of these people care. Eh.

Well, wonder of wonders!--no little bitchy note! That surprised me, genuinely. Perhaps the little snot was not so snotty as I'd thought.

WELL, not quite correct. I went back to the entry I had noted and found that...my note, the third which had been left on her entry, had been--you guessed it--DELETED. Which I find rather odd, since, after all, SHE was the one who demanded that *I* leave her a note, and I even said please and thank you and everything. Well huh! How very rude of her, to just delete me when I was only following her command. *sniff*

Most of the other notes she received were of course from the other emptyheaded people begging for reviews. Whatever suits them. There was ONE note from somebody who asked what gave her the right to review others' diaries. This note was more rudely phrased than my own, which didn't even tell her off, just pointed her out to my frontpage to answer her unasked question. I didn't even call her a snothead like I'm doing here. See how polite I was? (Here, go ahead and tap my vein. You'll make wonderful sarcastic syrup.)

Oddly, this reviewer went and left a note on this OTHER person's diary, stating that her review diary was just a way to give her something to do when she couldn't sleep, and "Sorry for bothering you"! Well, I find that doubly odd. How is it that this person who demanded to know what gave her the right to review others, and even in another note rated her own diary a zero, got a friendly reply and a "Sorry for bothering you," whereas MY way-more-polite-than-I-should-have-to-be note was simply DELETED without a second word? I mean, I wasn't even RUDE or anything. I was just pointing her out to my own diary--the same thing as she did to me. Hmph. /:(

Well, I guess I can be happy enough with the fact that I didn't see the typical bitchy reply note on my latest entry--though I have not checked the OTHER entries. She could have always left one while I was still busy posting that story...which, by the way, took me LONGER than I had intended, seeing as I had to go and post a note to this numbnut, as she had so rudely demanded I do on my own time. I suppose I can just live with that, and be happy.

But know what? I shouldn't HAVE to live with it. I am sick and tired, as a personal journaler, to HAVE to append ugly tags to EVERY ONE of my entries, should I want to tell Spammers to leave me alone. I shouldn't have to crap up my entries just so these dipshits know they are not wanted on MY diary. I shouldn't have to list endless disclaimers on my own diary's homepage (see the main page of Skew, even here on Writing.com, for an example--my OD diaries are exactly the same) just to keep these little dolts away. (The one advantage Writing.com has concerning journals--NO HIT-AND-RUN SPAM NOTES! Praise God.) I shouldn't have to go and bite my tongue and POLITELY tell these people that I am NOT interested in their f**king "services," just so I don't get a bunch of bitchy notes in return, because heaven forbid I should piss THEM off, though they have every right to piss off ME! I shouldn't have to waste my limited Internet time asking such morons to PLEASE stop asking me if I want a makeover or a review or advice.

Um, HELLO? Most of these people are fourteen to seventeen year olds--and not that teenagers are automatically stupid, but do you REALLY think a nearly twenty-eight year old wants to take advice from such people?? (My diary frontpage clearly SAYS I don't ask for advice, but of course, they don't read that--that's why I have to put disclaimer tags in all the ENTRIES, too!) Truthfully, when all you are going to be giving advice about is boys and sex and makeup, and all I really need advice on is shyness and writing and...whatever, do you REALLY think you'd have any decent advice for me? No? Then shut the hell up and stop Spamming my diary. I'M NOT INTERESTED.

Hello? Take a look at my diary's colors. They are coordinated. I know how to use basic HTML formatting tags, and I know how to make a link. THAT'S ALL THE DAMN MAKEOVER I FRIGGING NEED. This person's reviews actually counted as EXTRAS such perpetual annoyances as FLASHING LIGHTS and MUSIC. For the love of God, PLEASE, shoot me now--the moment I start putting Godawful music things and flashing lights on my diary pages is the day I want you to put me out of my misery. Do you know that when I come across a page with music, I always MUTE it or STOP it from loading completely or TURN THE MUSIC OFF?? These are DIARIES--if I want music, I'll go to Amazon. When I'm looking at a diary I do NOT want to hear music or see flashing lights. What if some of the readers are epileptic, you moron? Since when are flashing lights and seizure-inducing colors part of a great makeover? SINCE WHEN DOES A FRIGGING PERSONAL DIARY NEED A MAKEOVER?! I fully understand getting some pointers on making a crappy diary look nicer--but for God's sake, my diaries aren't the prettiest, but at least they don't look like a colorblind schizophrenic in the middle of a hallucination decorated them. And even better, I do not have those GODAWFUL overlapping menus and scrolling boxes that go way off the screen and overlap each other and don't even load properly, all over the place, nor humongous background images that take like 40 minutes just to load before you can even read the text since its color is so similar to the background color. YES! This is aimed at you people who do THAT! There are far too many of you...and most of you seem to be the ones either making over the diaries, or accepting makeovers. For the love of all that is holy, try checking layouts in different monitor resolutions. And honestly look at your layout and ask yourself, "Would *I* be willing to read that off a monitor, for twenty-plus minutes...?" When I can, I de-format the crappy layouts so I can read just plaintext (so much for your layout efforts!)--but not all sites allow that--and with the scrollboxes some idiots use, not even that works sometimes. In those cases, I just don't bother reading at all. Bye-bye, makeover people. Wish I could say I'll miss you. Then again, no I don't.

Besides, would you go up to some stranger on the street and say, "Want a makeover?"?! Any idea how RUDE it is to step up to some random person's diary and suggest a makeover, especially when their layout is JUST FINE? I spend my time writing ACTUAL ENTRIES, not diddling with which Legolas pic would make the best background image. YES! I just insulted LEGOLAS! I can't even pronounce his name! And I think Aragorn looks like a SKANK WHO NEEDS A SHOWER! Phhbbbbttttt!! >:P LIVE WITH IT! And stop asking if I want a f**king makeover! I'M NOT INTERESTED.

Hello? The same holds for DIARY REVIEWS. I even turned off the diary review function at Skew's main site, because I was tired of little numbnuts always rating it with a one whenever I posted entries such as this. As much as I enjoyed getting HONEST comments, even from anonymous people, it was just not worth the thought that whenever I decided to use Skew for my OWN ranty purposes (remember, Skew even started out as a rant journal!), without harming others or even making them read, I would log on the next day to find some little coward had rated me with one star as if they think that will somehow invalidate my opinion or make me stop writing in here. ("Ohmygawd, one star! I'll never rant AGAIN!") And even though I do miss the honest ratings and comments I'd get, at least I can use my OWN damn journal for my OWN damn purpose, without some little pinhead trying to make me feel as if MY REASON isn't good enough for my own journal. So, after all of that, do you REALLY think I want some person who knows me even LESS granting me totally subjective reviews? How the hell do you review somebody's personal life?

That's just it--these reviews, including this person's, are based all on HOW MANY ENTRIES you have, HOW MANY NOTES (oh Lord, not again), HOW INTERESTING YOUR USERNAME AND DIARY NAME ARE and HOW WELL THEY MATCH UP (!!!), and who knows what else, the crappy hallucinatory seizure-inducing HTML and such count as extra credit, I'm too beyond bored to remember the rest of the criteria. There were no points awarded anywhere for the actual CONTENT OF THE ENTRIES...not as if that would grant the review service any authenticity. I already mentioned up there in the advice area what counts as "interesting and meaningful" to most younger diarists nowadays. (I'm not going to invalidate their personal reasons for posting like they would do to me, however!--it's your journal, post whatever the hell you want--but leave me out of it!) Long answer short, NO, I do NOT want some little shallow dip reviewing MY diary. Take a look at the entry link above to see how my ONE and ONLY diary review experience went. The dope didn't even have it in them to read beyond the first few entries--so much for fair and balanced. And besides, this person at OD wasn't even able to spell basic words. Do you really think I want as a reviewer somebody who can't even spell "to/too," much less the VERY NAMES OF THE PEOPLE SHE'S REVIEWING? (Yes, in her very first entry she misspelled BOTH spellings of her first reviewee's name! Wow, that's professional.) Do I want your stupid piddling self-congratulatory and others-debasing reviews on my diary? No--I'M NOT INTERESTED.

In addition, NO, I DO NOT WANT TO ENTER YOUR F**KING CONTEST/COMPETITION/PAGEANT! They are frigging DIARIES, people! NOT Miss USA contestants!!

And if you so much as leave me one note begging me to read YOUR diary, without bothering to read so much as one part of MY diary, THAT IS THE FASTEST WAY NOT TO GAIN A NEW READER. Why even waste your time?

AND, although they don't irritate me QUITE as much, those stupid-ass "Random note! Bye!" things are as pathetic as ever, too. I do NOT need nor care to know that some person randomly crossed my diary, saw my entry, didn't read it, yet decided for whatever reason to waste their and my time by leaving a note SAYING so. You are only one notch above the people who note my entries to say, "Wow, that's long! Bye!" I KNOW IT'S F**KING LONG, MORONS! Go outside, look up, say, "Wow, the sky is blue!"--YOU'LL HAVE MADE JUST AS MUCH USE OF YOUR TIME. Cripes already.

LONG ENTRY SHORT: Eh, I won't even bother recapping, because if you are one such Spammer, and didn't feel compelled to be kind enough to read all this, then I do not want to communicate with you. I shouldn't have HAD to waste my time writing this entry up just to get it off my chest, if such dolts would just bother READING other people's entries first, or even checking out their frontpages, before Spamming and running. Then they would have KNOWN I'm not interested, and it would have wasted only a few seconds more of their time. And it would have wasted NONE of my time. Including the hour+ it's taken to write THIS! And I would not have bitched these people out in here and called them all sorts of names and made myself look bad when they are the ones who put me in such a foul mood. I shouldn't have to bite my tongue just to avoid trouble with such jerks, when I leave THEM notes, because I am nice sweet Tehuti who gets to bitch only in her own journal. How is it that our personal journals are now the Spamming grounds of these people? What happened to the days of actually writing entries rather than worrying, "OHMYGAWD! My DIARY needs a MAKEOVER!"? I may need bigger things to worry about, but if you're really desperate to know what rating some random seventeen year old thinks your diary deserves, you really need bigger things to worry about. But hey, it's cool for you. NOT for me. SPAM SOMEBODY ELSE!

Besides, I've observed the regular lifespan of such "service" diaries, and they're lucky if they last more than a few months before the service provider gets bogged down with requests, or grounded from the Net, or busy with schoolwork, etc. etc. ad nauseam. The last person who Spammed me at a different diary site, and then got pissy when I asked them to leave me alone? I made sure to check them out from time to time...and they were gone and deleted within a couple of months. They had been quick to crow to me, when I complained about their rudeness and the unoriginality of their service, how they were offering a FRESH NEW service which nobody else provided, and they would be popular in no time! Hah, yeah...that's why Skew is still around and you're not! Guesses are that these other people who Spam in regards to offering diary services will not last much longer either. At least that thought can comfort me. Boring warhorses like Skew ALWAYS outlast.

And do you know what else? Overly polite, fearful-of-being-rude-anywhere-but-in-her-journal-and-even-in-there-most-of-the-time, heaven-forbid-lest-she-offend-anyone Tehuti isn't even going to bother appending the typical disclaimer to this entry, letting any Spammers who may read this and feel offended know that I'm sorry for being so bitchy. You know why? BECAUSE I'M NOT! I shouldn't HAVE to apologize for going ballistic on the people who were rude to me FIRST! So take that and review it. Or make it over. Or whatever the hell helps you sleep at night. Me, I would just take some sleeping pills or read a boring book. LIKE SKEW!

And I am officially done for now. I DO apologize to the honest, non-Spamming citizens who may browse Skew and see this--the Spam made me do it!

Tar.