02-17-05 @ 9:07 am EST

I finished reading one of my Great Lakes Indians books (can't remember the exact title at the moment since I have two books with similar titles), and started just briefly on Densmore's Chippewa Customs; sometime I should like to go to the library and see if they have anything interesting about Mackinac Island or the Ojibwa. I wish they had an online catalog I could access. :/

I saw "Bird" incorporated into somebody's name in the book and when I finished reading the intro, I decided on a whim to try to translate my character name "Red Bird" into Ojibwa the only way I know how, literal translation. So I looked up "bird" in my Ojibwa dictionary to see if it was similar to the one in the Chippewa book. Yep. The word for bird was bineshiinh. I looked up "red" and got misko-. Females' names are supposed to end in "-quae" or "-kwe," so I added that, and came up with

, since I don't know where or for sure if I should use hyphens or not. What a mouthful, huh? Miskobineshiinhkwe, mate of Tal Natha. Gai.

Then, on a whim, I decided to look up the Ojibwa name of the only red bird I know, the cardinal, not even sure if that word would be in the dictionary. And I came up with

O_o

So now I've just found out that my character Red Bird's literal name translation would actually be Cardinal Woman. ^_^ *LMAO* I guess some things just don't cross language barriers that well. I hate to think what horrid things I would come up with for such names as "Shadow Water" or "Stick-In-The-Dirt" or "Walks-On-The-Shore"...and Shore isn't even Ojibwa. *shudder*

Finished saving all thousand-plus pages of Historic Mackinac yesterday, and am now working on some other books...though the book Old Mackinaw, which I bookmarked and planned on saving, has since yesterday mysteriously disappeared, and the book Early Mackinac is being a bitch since at least two large-format page images are not displaying, and Page 102, in all size formats, is displaying Page 114! So Page Image 102 is missing! I had to save it in PDF format...how unprofessional. I reported the error but who ever fixes things on sites like that. :/

Speaking of "sites like that," I revisited a site I had come across during a search for "Ojibwa art," by an old storyteller woman who dubs herself "Nokomis," in the hopes that perhaps I could e-mail her and toss a few questions or ideas by her...but of course...there is NO way for anyone to contact her or even comment on her site, whatsoever. *sigh* I wish EVERY website had at least a guestbook or a forum or an e-mail address, to contact the owner, even if they choose not to reply. -_- What if part of her site stopped functioning and she didn't even know it? What if she had posted something in error? How could anyone even let her know? Even though my intent wasn't as noble as that, still, it's just good form to have at least a GUESTBOOK or a SUBMITTAL FORM. So that was a disappointment; I had really liked what she had to say, and wished I could hear more from her, if she's even still around. I guess I never will know.

I wish I had contact with some people either "in the know" or who else actually practice traditional Ojibwa religion--not wannabes like the people I seem to keep running into, but actual natives who practice it or at least have a great understanding of it. I've been wanting to put a few things in context and I would only be able to if I had somebody to discuss it with. The only Ojibwa and native forums out there, however, always scream "NO RELIGIOUS DISCUSSION." EVERY one of them! (Well, every one that isn't run by New Agey people, of course. Nothing against New Agey people, but...well, they tend to misrepresent themselves. Keep reading.)

I fully understand where they are coming from, considering even my OWN limited experience with the topic--both people I tried communicating with, who claimed they followed native lifestyles, in fact followed a MIX of different lifestyles--but it still makes me sad that nobody out there who actually has authentic understanding is willing to discuss it. I don't want to get into New Agey discussion, or marry Manabozho to Isis, or claim to follow the "Red Road" (that phrase just strikes a tacky chord with me for some reason...)...I just want to learn more about it, from something other than a book. I finished reading Vecsey's Traditional Ojibwa Religion & Its Historical Changes not long ago, and while it was very informative, it also made me very sad. Basically the book says that traditional Ojibwa religion is dead. And in a way that seems to be true. But there are still people with knowledge of it, and people who have renewed it to a degree, and I want to hear their perspectives. How they adapt a traditional lifestyle to modern times, without combining it with other religions. I do not even know if they actually believe in the old spirits and such, or not! And I feel very stupid not even knowing.

I admit a bit of selfishness, in wanting to discuss the topic for my own purposes, especially regarding my writing, and my own path. But I do not want to go all New Agey like I know they are leery of people doing, I do not want to appropriate a lifestyle I would never be able to follow anyway, or anything like that. I'm just curious about how this lifestyle is followed, how closely or literally, and how much of what I have read in books so far is true or not.

I read Johnston's--a native's--The Manitous quite a while back, and that book really inspired me. In fact a lot of what I read in there is ending up incorporated into RTMI, crap pile that it's turned out to be. But there was this passage in the book which sticks with me and fills me with sadness.

A storyteller once depicted the alienation of the Anishinaubae [Ojibwa] people from their cultural heritage and their espousal of Western European civilization as a repudiation of their figurehead, Nana'b'oozoo [Manabozho]. In the last story concerning him, Nana'b'oozoo, spurned and scorned, hurt and humiliated by the people who he had loved and served for so many years, gathers all his worldly possessions, stows them into his canoe, and then helps his aged grandmother, N'okomiss, board. He does not want to leave, but he must, for he is no longer welcome in his ancestral home. Still, he tarries and looks longingly in hopes that someone will notice and bid them to stay. But no one gives Nana'b'oozoo and his grandmother a second glance, and they pass beyond the horizon and out of the lives of their kin.

No one in the village misses them; no one mourns their passing. No one cares enough. Perhaps, no one will ever care enough to call them back.

But should enough people care and recall Nana'b'oozoo into their midst by learning their ancestral language and espousing their old traditions, giving them new meanings and applications in the modern age, the spirit of Nana'b'oozoo and the Anishinaubae people will be restored to its rightful place in the lives of the Anishinaubae nation.

That's what's been making me wonder like crazy. All my "storyteller" blather? That passage filled me with such sadness. But even before I read that, I had hoped to bring such characters--as I refer to them, being the wannabe writer that I am--to life. When I read that I just wanted to do it all the more. I hate how he, and other characters from other traditions, had been "forgotten" for the most part. (Recall my frustration at finding any Kemet-based fiction, and so setting out and writing my own! Nobody else was doing it!! You have GREEK and NORSE mythology fiction up the wazoo--but where's all the Egyptian stuff?? Forgotten!) I know how it feels to be forgotten and even if he is just a fictional figure (and who knows, he might not be--I prefer to think he could be out there somewhere, maybe even in the rabbit(s) who visits my porch in the morning), no one should have to feel that. There's something very sad about a mythological hero, forgotten by his own people. I know that exact same feeling of waiting for somebody to notice, before I turn and walk away, without a second glance from anybody. I know that feeling of waiting yet nobody ever notices or cares that I'm gone. I've been feeling that my entire life.

I thought maybe through fiction I could bring a new sort of life to him, and to others (my Egyptian writing, which came first). Johnston's passage reinforced (sic?) that hope. But at the same time it made me wonder if I could even do such a thing, because notice, he is talking about the Ojibwa remembering their traditions, not about some total stranger writing about them in fiction. Somebody who is not a part of that culture and doesn't even plan to be, and who is not relating traditional tales but is making up her own. I have to wonder at times if I'm even being offensive, using such a figure as a fictional device. (That's one reason why I really wish I knew if they actually believe in him as a literal being--I'd feel pretty stupid fearing offense, when I'm writing about somebody they don't even believe in!)

Would one single person, somebody who is not even PART of that culture, writing about it to try to bring it back to life, matter any or make any difference? After reading that passage, I do not even know if my attempts, as useless as they are, would count. He was talking about the revival of a culture by its actual owners, not by fictional drek by some outsider. I DID want to try to do good by this, but I could have been stupidly misguided all along. And on the OTHER other hand...I could just be wasting my time looking like a moron, if all of this is stuff they don't even literally believe in anymore.

For example, Johnston's accounts of the myths vary a lot from the traditional ones I've heard. How much of what he wrote is traditional, how much is literary fancy, and how much of it does anyone even believe or not believe? Johnston's book says the tradition is mostly dead but could return, and people should try to revive it; Vecsey says it's all gone and will not likely come back, and that any attempts to revive it will never be the real thing. Meanwhile you have the New Agey mix-and-match believers, and some traditionalists who despise them (can't blame them) but won't discuss the matter with ignorant outsiders like me (I would not mind my misconceptions being cleared up!), and people who don't believe in any of it at all. Who knows who is right or wrong, or what all of it means. Now you see why I'm so confused, when all I had wanted to do was tell stories. And why I wish I knew somebody reliable to discuss it with! >_<

(For the record, yes, I did feel this same anxiety regarding followers of the Kemetic faith, so that I ended up asking for clarification from one of them, wondering if my reinterpretations of their myths would be insulting to them. However based on my own experience Kemetics are far more willing to discuss the matter of spirituality, than are natives. At least, I never came across a Kemetic journal or site which insisted on no religious discussion, and the few followers I talked to were not offended by my questions. From what little I could tell, my fictionalized versions of their mythology did not offend them (so long as disclaimers are included); they were even rather entertained by it. Though there was the complaint that my writing did not feature nearly enough Set. ^_^ )

I can't stand the New Agey wannabes nearly as much as the traditionalists can--I have NOTHING against people combining different faiths into their own system, but I HATE it when they then call it "native" and claim to follow a traditional path--ugh!! At least admit you're following your OWN path! But at the same time, the complete refusal of the traditionalists to even discuss the matter with people like me--there MUST be at least a few of us out there?--just complicates the matter. Who else do we have to learn from, who else to clear up our confusion, if not traditionalists? Because we're certainly not going to learn anything authentic from the New Agers! They're the only ones willing to talk--no wonder so many people misunderstand the subject!

In a way this reluctance to discuss the matter only contributes to the problem of people not properly understanding this type of spirituality. The only people who could set the record straight...refuse to do so. They condemn the New Agers, but at the same time, do not bother explaining what they got wrong, and how it really is. When somebody willing to be corrected steps forward to ask what the truth of the matter is, all they get is a big "NO RELIGIOUS DISCUSSION ALLOWED"...and so they walk away not learning anything. This just makes everything worse, and ignorance goes on--and tradition is forgotten more every day. Not that I'd ever have the guts to say that to anyone's face, though. Maybe I should be glad no Ojibwas read this journal.

Densmore, in the intro to her book which I started reading, is described as someone who did not follow native ways, but did all she could to learn about them and educate others about them. It seems to me you do not have to be a traditionalist to legitimately seek understanding and knowledge from traditionalists. It really seems to me that it should not matter that I'm an outsider, so long as I'm sincere and make my intent clear. (I've since put disclaimers on all my writing, at least!) It really seems like the entire topic should not be so taboo to EVERYONE, just because of a bunch of New Agers who mess it up. It seems that that door to discussion should be left open at least a crack for people like me who don't want to appropriate anything but just want to learn. But every forum out there with that big "NO RELIGIOUS DISCUSSION" warning has shut that door tight and shut out the very people who might try to spread some much-needed understanding of this misunderstood culture. Or at least, who might try to entertain people with fiction, and spark their own interest in learning about it. I'm tired of muddling along on my own. I wish there were an open door somewhere.

This got way too deep and way too long for an entry of mine, and no Ojibwa traditionalist is ever going to read it, so I'll just stop right there. Crap. I just wasted my entire morning, yet again. :(

Oh. But I did want to add, that we now have TWO rabbits who visit our porch...two identical bunnies...and yes, I do not know whether to call them (Mana)'Bozho and (Wa)'Basso, or 'Bozho and 'Bozho-Quae. ^_^ Yet another instance of me wondering whether I'm being offensive or not.