03-30-05 @ 3:03 am EST

I feel sad today and I'm not even sure why. -_- Is that time of the month coming up? I hate to have to feel like this, with or without reason. It's not TERRIBLE, but if it gets worse...*sigh*

I logged on and went to look at my webcams and saw at the WBU Bird FeederCam that the suet feeder is all out. There's some sort of little stripey sparrowy-looking bird on the regular feeder, and a mourning dove sitting atop that, and on the suet feeder is this little downy woodpecker, looking so hungry, but there's nothing for it to eat. And as soon as I saw that I felt terribly sad and I'm not sure why. I hate the feeling of disappointment I guess, even when it's just a bird feeling it. I hope they fill that feeder in the morning. :(

The image, which I saved to a Yahoo! album...

http://pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/social_phobe/detail?.dir=/bdd9&.dnm=a4c2.jpg&.src=ph

(Link will probably bring up an error message at Writing.com. In that case click on the album itself and go to the first (and so far only) pic, "feedercam-32905": http://pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/social_phobe/album?.dir=/bdd9&.src=ph )

I hate that poor bird going hungry. :(

I had a strange dream last night. It wasn't anything spectacular and now that I think of it, I hardly remember anything and the most it consisted of was me running around pretending to be some of my characters. The odd thing is, the characters I was pretending to be were from my True Believers novels...and I haven't worked on any of those in years. When I woke up I actually felt almost inspired to look into them again. Why can't I have a dream like that about my D4D stuff or something? I'd love to rewrite those someday and make them actually cool, but I have no concrete ideas to make them that way! >_<

Basically it involved me running around a relative's house at night with other people around...I remember going onto a back porch and sitting there but then ants crawled on my legs!! But I didn't freak out (now you KNOW it's a dream). I ran back to the front yard or inside or something. I was pretending to be Al Goodwin (the hypnotherapist with a big secret), and Jacob what's-his-name (a kid with an equally big secret), and Anders Carlsson (a college student/architect wannabe who keeps getting abducted by aliens...I know...you'd have to be there). It was all very active. I looked up at the sky a lot and I think I was imagining Jacob coming back (in more ways than one) in a sequel, and coming to all dazed and bewildered and wondering how he'd gotten here. Or if not Jacob then somebody like him. Oddly, Puck Benteen (Anders's abductee...um...companion?...something like that) didn't seem to figure into this. It was mostly about Anders.

Too bad it wasn't more memorable as a dream. Sounded like a kind of cool idea, though I'm not terribly motivated to work on that particular series any time soon. It was kind of sad because I actually got a good way through True Believers before giving it up and putting it away indefinitely. On looking back the work needs a TERRIBLE rewrite (by that I mean, not to rewrite it terribly, but it terribly needs to be rewritten...oh you know what I mean) and I do not have that in me. By now it's also difficult to reconcile the Puck I know with the Puck in the story; Puck in TB comes across as a very sympathetic character, whereas the Puck I know is just this total jackass who probably wouldn't give a rat's ass about being abducted by aliens, and would more than likely take a crowbar to their flying saucer or else hack into their computer systems. Maybe he needs tweaking, I don't know.