05-20-05 @ 2:17 am EDT

Saw a new link in the referrals to my Ameni Chronicles folder and went to see it. Maybe somebody had found my story and decided to link to it because they liked it? That would have been nice. I'm the only one who ever links to my sites anywhere.

Went to the link. It was a furry-type message board from what little I could tell. The person plugging my link rattled off the description as if it bored him. Challenged anybody to read all fifty parts so far. Then followed a bunch of responses from people: Complaining about the site layout, complaining about my "Halt! Not porn!" warning (and mocking it as well), complaining about my search terms, complaining that I just wanted to get off on Anubis because it's fashionable (Anubis isn't even MENTIONED in my story), complaining about my wordiness, complaining about this, and that, and every single other little thing. From what I could tell, none of them actually READ a chapter. They just saw the main folder, and complained about everything. I guess it didn't occur to them, or else didn't matter, that an actual PERSON with feelings wrote any of it, no matter how shitty it may be. I posted an apology to them on my folder. I will not go back to that forum. They will probably see my apology and complain and laugh about that too. Since apparently I can't do enough things wrong enough.

I cannot believe how humiliated I am. I want to make the whole thing private now. If it weren't for the one or two people reading it I would. I am sick of this. If this is how people REALLY feel when I'm not around...I linked that page in a lot of furry Groups and it gets lots of hits from them but no comments. I bet they're all feeling the same way these people were. I'm so STUPID. I can't even write SMUT well enough without people hating it.

Any other time maybe I could write it off because of the other people who do seem to like it. But coming after yesterday's entry it's like a sign. Maybe God is telling me to just give it all up. I'm sick of one thing after another. It never gets better. It just gets worse.

These people only told the truth because they didn't think I would see it, after all. Maybe everybody else has been lying all along and everything I've ever typed is utter boring shit.