05-20-05 @ 3:17 am EDT

I didn't mean to hurt you. I'm sorry. I didn't think I could feel any worse but now I do. I guess it's what I deserve.

I wish I could explain that it's not YOU. It's ME. I don't know how to trust anybody anymore. Every time I did I regretted it. I never said you would betray that on purpose...it's just that, how do you know you wouldn't get bored of me someday?

From the looks of it I got you angry first, and maybe that would drive you away. I hate this because you were the only reason it felt like posting anything of mine anymore.

And I really do like writing to you, and was/am looking forward to your story.

I'm afraid of saying it because every time in the past I did, that was taken away. I realize this is insulting...I just don't know how to protect myself. It seems like I can't, not without hurting somebody. Namely you.