05-25-05 @ 3:10 am EDT

I'm growing to hate it when I run across somebody whose work I actually really like. Hate it, because I like it, and want to learn more--but will never even tell the creator thus.

I was browsing photos at DeviantArt when I noticed a Daily Deviation (like a featured selection, sort of) of some sort of furry-type illustration of a character in a gasmask. Curious, I went to look at it and this was an established character of that artist and I didn't know the whole story so I went looking through her gallery. More artwork of this character and some other things. Some sort of alternate Nazi-type military world she created, but even though I looked at all the art I couldn't quite piece it all together. Didn't have the patience to sift through her journal, and knew I would probably end up steamed if I went to her LJ. (Keep reading for the why.) Still, what little I did get intrigued me very much, and I really wanted to know more about this person's art and writing and the things she created. Kind of vaguely reminded me of my Trench Rats, even. Only probably better, of course.

And do you know what?...I'm not even going to bother telling her. I've been down this road TOO many times. I actually enjoy someone's work without them even seeing mine first off, but I know from experience that the moment I try to express my interest and learn more, she would lose interest if she even managed a short "Thanks" in response. I would fully understand if it were a matter of me trying to get her to look at my work, but that was nowhere in my mind. I want to learn more about HER work, her characters and creations, by asking her questions and learning where I can find more--but I won't bother. Every time I did this in the past, the person in question either offered a brief thanks and that was it, or never bothered responding at all. Which is incredibly insulting, for someone who is showing an actual interest in their work.

I know I've been guilty of the same thing a few times, but it was either because 1. I grew shy and put off responding, even though I wanted to--after too long not responding I tend to give up and believe the person won't want to hear from me; or 2. I sense the person is NOT really that interested in my work, which is usually the case anyway. I regret the first and wish to amend it; the second, blah, it happens. In the case of the people I'm talking about, I'm sensing it's either busy-ness (they don't have time to respond--which always strikes me as hinky, since they sure have time to do a lot of other things), or lack of interest--which as I just said, is insulting. Why should someone bother expressing interest in someone else's work if that someone else won't even take the time to respond?

Maybe it's because so many of these people I am interested in already have a bevy of devoted fans and I just have the bad luck of showing up too late. I know in a few cases though the people I was interested in even complained about lack of interest but that didn't matter as soon as I offered mine. It's like mine wasn't good enough or something. *shrug* One of them practically ignored me, and then showed up MONTHS later only after seeing mention I had made of his site in my journal. He wanted my feedback AFTER, but not way back THEN when I'd first offered it! A little bit late--I didn't bother responding. His loss.

Remember the person whose "Ocryx"-like drawing I linked to long ago? I e-mailed her to simply tell her I liked her drawing, and asked for a little bit of info on its creation. She never replied. Lesson learned.

And countless others who didn't give a rat's ass that they had a potential fan out there. I remember even long before I grew so jaded, coming across the creator of some sort of Medieval furry world--I linked to her in the old Skew, her art was wonderful--I wanted to contact her to learn more, never did. SO glad I didn't bother, now. And not that long ago, in the past year or so, coming across some great dinosaur yaoi-y art and fiction, and reading a story that affected me for weeks--did I leave a comment?--nope. Probably best I didn't do that either. *shrug*

Anyway...I added this person to my DA watch list, but I'm hoping I will just forget about her. There's only one person on my watch list who I'm actually in contact with and whose work I have actually commented on. For the most part, when I find work I really like, I don't even bother looking at more, or trying to get to know this world they created, or trying to chat them up to learn more about it. I know it will get me nowhere, so why waste my time.

But it truly does piss me off when these people get upset that they have no interest from other people. There was a time when I tried showing interest in people first off but that time is long past. People are free to approach me if they want, but I'm not wasting my time approaching them.

Hopefully that interesting artwork I saw will soon fade from my mind and I will forget I even added her, and keep browsing other stuff that has nothing to do with writing or characters or fantasy worlds of other people's creation. Too much bother for too little payback. Photos are nicer because they're small, self-contained, and need no explanation. I. e., they involve no involvement. And that's the way it best is.