06-16-05 @ 9:16 am EDT

I am so tired. o_o I had to take sinus pills as headaches have been killing me lately...and now I'm tired. I guess this will be a crap entry with no real theme.

To start off, I had a stupid spell yesterday and AGAIN attempted posting an ad on a penpals site. Remember when I did this in the past...*sigh* I stated my interests, and that I was NOT looking for romance, and all I got was a few horny guys, and one practically illiterate girl, writing to me. I didn't reply to a single one. For all I know that ad is still on that site and no one else has ever written. Wow, really great site.

Well...I stupidly tried again last night. I'm just so lonely, it would be nice to find somebody in my part of the world. Isn't there ANYBODY else in northern Michigan who loves Mackinac Island and fantasy writing and mythology?? If there is, I'm pretty sure by now that she's not on the Net. It just seems like we would've run into each other by now. In my five years online, aside from an anonymous entry in my Diaryland guestbook (still no clue who that was, not sure I want to know), I have NEVER once run into anyone from my own hometown, and only once or twice have run into somebody from my general region, and those people were never interested in writing to me either. Typical.

Well anyway, I typed in "penpals" at Google and visited the first okay-looking site. It looked active. Can't post things according to state -_- but only by country. Tried it anyway and put myself under the "Female, 23-30 years old, USA" category. Thankfully it allowed a longish bio so I took the time I needed to list my boring interests and to say for CERTAIN this time that I am NOT INTERESTED IN ROMANCE. I even said I did NOT want to hear from guys unless they were gay (because a gay guy won't hit on me!--right?)! (I have nothing against corresponding with guys, but my experience has been that the unattached ones will hit on me in some way, and the attached ones will either hit on me or the conversation will be way too awkward simply because they ARE attached--I don't even want to SEEM like the other woman!) NO GUYS! And I said that good spelling and grammar were a plus because DAMN AM I SICK of e-mails with subjects like

hi wanna be yur frend
hi how r u?

...much less ENTIRE LETTERS that go on like that...UGH. So I stated all my picky interests, edited it a million times, and left it. Didn't feel much hope.

Couldn't log online yesterday morning because the phone wasn't working, so logged on last night. And what do I find in my alternate e-mail inbox but...NINE E-MAILS FROM HORNY, FOREIGN, PRACTICALLY ILLITERATE GUYS! Can't these F**KING morons READ past the word "female"?? They were ALL foreigners (nothing against foreigners, but when they can't read and spell and they're hitting you up for romance, *$*&*$*#@!!!), ALL male, and ALL of the subjects of their e-mails read poorly and stupidly. I didn't even bother OPENING a single one, that's how obvious they were! One even had the subject "be my gay friend"--what the HELL?? I said I didn't want any GUYS to write to me UNLESS THEY WERE GAY, so they wouldn't hit on me--I didn't say *I* was gay, I didn't say I was looking for a gay friend in particular (frankly I don't give a rip about orientation except when someone is HITTING ON ME!!), and if I WAS gay, would I even WANT to be this guy's "friend"?? HelLO, dumbass! Are you looking to "convert" a lesbian or something?? >:( I honestly do not believe a single one of these morons even saw a WORD past the "Female, 23-30 years old" part. Otherwise they would have SEEN how I did NOT WANT GUYS WRITING TO ME. And I know even without looking at one of those mails that NONE of them would have a damn THING in common with me.

Are horny foreign guys the ONLY people who browse penpal sites?? After this repeated experience, I'm starting to think so.

For you see, before I posted my ad I browsed the others in that category myself. Lots of them come from women who sound rather intelligent and literate and interesting. Most of them not interesting to ME, but most of the ads at least didn't read like any of the horny foreign guy e-mails I've gotten in the past--"Hi wanna be yur frend pleaze mail me bye" or "Looking 4 true love w/ a wonderfull women, r u teh one? Plz rite back" etc. etc. ad nauseam. (Well, they can get more longwinded than that...but still...remember the guy from Egypt or whatever who had a horse ranch and loved sports and was looking for the perfect woman to start a life with, was I the one?--that was one of the responses to my old ad...this in response to a shy person interested in mythology and writing and NOT LOOKING FOR ROMANCE...all these guys seem to want you to move to their country really fast too, for some creepy reason...) The ads PLACED on the site, for the most part, read like they are by women a lot like me (only not so picky). Almost EVERY ad mentioned something along the lines of either "NO GUYS!" or "NO FOREIGNERS!" so I KNOW these women have been through the same crap as me. And I even found at least two who had many things in common with me and sounded interesting--liked mythology or history, writing, fantasy, nature, etc. I was tempted...but I did not write to them.

This was ONLY because of my own miserable experiences in writing to people first off. EVERY single one of the people I contacted in the first place either said sure, they'd love to write, then it turned out they didn't f**king mean it and could never be bothered to say so. Or else gave a vague thanks for writing and that was it. These were all people I had a lot in common with and was so sure I could be friends with but nope, none of THEM were interested. So I learned my lesson and I no longer approach people who look interesting and who I would like to know. Why bother! They obviously have all the friends they want.

But is this the case with all these OTHER women and people posting to penpal sites...? None of them sounded as shy and distrustful as I am--in fact, their ads all made them sound a LOT more open (except to horny foreign guys!). Aside from the horny foreign guy rule, many of them were open to writing to almost anybody who was willing to write them back. ("I don't want to be somebody's hobby, to be written to one or two times and then tossed away as soon as somebody grows bored," several of them stated. "I don't want to write to somebody who waits until my next mail before writing back!" another even said--now THAT is dedication. I think the only person I ever wrote to unprompted in my LIFE was Mya.) In short--these women all sounded like they were not shy, not distrustful, and really, REALLY desirous of writing to somebody similar to them--even not so similar, in many cases. Just as long as they could find somebody who was as interested in writing as they were. (And wasn't trying to hit them up for money or sex.)

Yet from past experience, and I'm willing to bet this time around too, NONE of those women will be e-mailing ME, and they probably are not e-mailing each other, either. Why is this?

Do people like me and like them go to penpal sites, just post our ad, and then bail? I already gave my reason for not doing so--but why don't any of THEM then browse the ads and try to find a potential friend there--in the most obvious place there is? Over 2000 other 23-30-year-old females in the US, looking for somebody to write to! The only people replying to them, I bet, are horny foreign guys who likely don't even have their own ads posted on the site. (I bet they are like Spambots and go e-mailing every single damn address they can gather up. UGH. Bottom feeders.) And that's just one penpal site--there are countless others I didn't even bother trying, probably for the best. I honestly get the feeling that many of these women could probably find one or two friends just by looking in the very place where they're posting but either 1. they don't bother trying to do this, or 2. they were just turned off by MY nitpicky ad and I'm jumping to an incorrect conclusion by thinking they never contact each other when in fact they're contacting each other all the time, just not me. :P Who knows, it could happen.

But I seriously wonder about it. How many people who POST ads ever RESPOND to them? I only ever got a good hit to a penpal ad ONCE. It was years ago, after I first got online. I posted my address in a penpals forum for people with anxiety disorders. A girl responded and we e-mailed for a while but after a time it fizzled out; she was more outgoing than I was, had a life, and insisted on always talking about her cousin (or some relative), a little boy who had cancer and who she admired SO much, he was her hero, bla bla bla...no offense to her...but I just could not relate. -_- We were not enough alike. That was my first attempt at penpalling...you've seen how the other two went. Horny foreign guys!

I wonder how useful these penpal sites really are--? Does anybody on them ever REALLY make a lasting friendship? Maybe in the more exclusive Groups like at Yahoo!, where you can join in on those trades and projects and...I don't know what they're called. When they swap things through the mail. I don't join because I don't have the money or knowledge to participate, and plus, I'm not looking to trade, I'm looking to WRITE. Those things seem hugely popular and successful. But just plain penpal sites, how successful are those? Based on my own experience the only people who actually respond to the ads are horny foreign guys and, once in a while, a practically illiterate person who thinks that just saying "Hi be my friend" is enough to count. (Honest to God, one of the responses I got to my first attempt on a big site, in which I said, "Please tell me some of your interests," was "Hi wanna be your friend e-mail me." !!!) There are legions of intelligent interesting lonely people posting these ads so how many of them RESPOND to them? Are penpal sites just a huge wasted effort, unless you are a foreign horny guy harvesting addresses to try out? By now, I really am starting to think that horny foreign guys and Nigerian scam artists are the only ones who actually benefit from big penpal sites. Which is very sad, considering how many intelligent interesting people seem to congregate and post ads there. Imagine a bunch of interesting lonely people meeting in a room, posting want ads on the walls, and then leaving. They were all right there beside each other and completely missed out!! /:(

And on the other hand I got to thinking, do any of the REALLY interesting intelligent people I would like to be friends with hang out at penpal sites?? Based on reactions I got to my fruitless attempts to befriend such people in the past, nope, because they're already too busy with all the friends they need, and would never have time for someone like me. My loss I guess. :(

So that's my Penpal Rant, Version 2...

In cool yet sad news, I killed off an important character in RTMI yesterday. I wasn't even planning to do it, it just happened. o_o I guess I was frustrated at not being able to get online...and thought, "Wouldn't it be cool if I kill this person off...?" I did think it was rather cool, and unexpected, and a really great cliffhanger; but then again, seeing as there are only like two or three people who don't comment still reading that story (maybe, who knows if they are or not), then it feels rather like a stupid thing to think is cool. This story is just about ended now; I started Part 131 yesterday, and am hoping to end it at a nice number like 135 or 140, though it will probably be between those. Back when I ended MI, and started RTMI, I had reason to feel proud of these accomplishments...but all the people who used to SEEM like they cared about those stories have forgotten I exist. Including the one person who I really thought would always care. I'm sick that I wasted money on him, making that stupid-ass book and things. Knowing that the one person who really seemed to care about that series was somebody who likely had me completely fooled for five years makes me feel ill and discouraged. It puts a shadow over the whole project, like Eric V.'s shadow over Damien (see 2/24/05's entry "Gratitude"); I wish I could delete the stupid merit badge he gave me, and especially the one I gave him. Now I'll be ending RTMI and it will be completely pointless and unnoticed, and the beginning of EFMI will be exactly the same. I have only 300 spaces left in my port. It doesn't even feel worth the effort. Even short stories are pointless nowadays.

So, another milestone is going to be reached sometime soon, but it's not much of a milestone if nobody is there to witness it anymore.

In odd but pointless news, Cartoon Network has done something completely weird and incomprehensible with Dragon Ball Z. Their schedule listed DBGT but gave no episode titles so I started to record it Tuesday night just in case it was a new ep. Lo and behold, they air DBZ instead--the very first episode, with Raditz arriving on Earth. The thing is...it was a completely DIFFERENT first episode...it had different music...different voices...completely different scenes and everything!! They COMPLETELY redid the old episodes with the new cast AND put in previously deleted material!! :O WTF?? How expensive was it to go to all this trouble--?? And why did they do it, without even announcing it to viewers--? I honestly thought I was going to catch a rerun of DBGT! This is just like a dream I had a long time ago when I was watching DBZ and it had previously edited material and I thought, "Crap, I'm going to have to record all of them ALL OVER again!"...well, take a look, that's exactly what they've done! The episode titles are different and everything! I thought my recording of that series was just about completed! :*(

It's interesting to see what they previously cut out, but, STILL--! Why did they go to all this trouble--?? CN's been showing those original ones for YEARS! (They STOPPED showing them long ago, but before then, they aired them up the wazoo!)

So that's something that has me very confused...

In even more pointless but I-thought-it-was-kinda-interesting news, a while back I read a bit about a tribe called the Assegun, or Bone Indians, in one of my Great Lakes Indians books...apparently they were a Siouan tribe which once headquartered on...Mackinac Island! They lived in the St. Ignace area and were at odds with the Ottawa and Ojibwa. When they attacked and killed an Ottawa woman, the Ottawa gathered and went after them but found their camp empty save for old men and women and children. They continued up a river and found the Assegun canoes beached there, and ambushed and killed off most of the Assegun when they returned. The surviving Assegun fled and joined up with the Mascouten, an Algonquin tribe which was nonetheless also at odds with the Ottawa and Ojibwa (also Algonquin tribes), and from there on they are lost to history. The river the attack took place on?...the Cheboygan River. !

Unfortunately, I'm having a hell of a time finding out much else about the Assegun, including where exactly this attack took place. :/ There is just not much known about them. I've never even heard mention of them in reference to the tribes that once frequented Mackinac Island! There ARE legends of an ancient tribe which once lived there, the Mishinimaki, who were supposedly killed off by an Iroquoian tribe (Seneca, according to one account), all but for a man and a woman who fled, told their sad tale to the Ottawa and/or Ojibwa, and then disappeared into the wilderness and supposedly turned into fairies or little folk...thus giving rise to the alternate meaning of Michinimakinong, as Place of the Dancing Turtle Spirits, rather than Great Turtle Island. Various accounts list the Mishinimaki as either a race of spirit beings once inhabiting the island, or as a prehistoric tribe which was wiped out long ago. I prefer an alternate idea between the two. (Hence was born the Michinimakinong in my stupid story.) What became of the Assegun sounds a lot similar to the story of the legendary Mishinimaki. Any relation? I can't find one yet, especially seeing as one tribe is Siouan and the other likely Algonquin, but at least one mention I found somewhere suggested the two in connection, so at least it's not just me. Just wish I could find some more on these guys, especially on what happened on the Cheboygan River and where. That river is right within walking distance of here. Did Assegun once wander over where we now live?

And in really really pointless news, I can't think of anything else so I guess that's it. Tar.

(Make that TEN horny foreign guys, even following my update. I actually looked at it just to see what these dumbasses are up to:

Dear Sir/Madam,
My name is Smith Gregor; I am the Executive Director, Divestiture Implementation Committee in Ghana, West Africa. (DIC)
I came across your address on the realtor site, am in need of a house for sale in Florida, a 4 bedroom apartment for my family and that is why I am trying to use this medium to let you know that we are interested if there is any property that fits that description for sale, Just get back to me and if I feel the price is reasonable then we will have a deal and start transactions immediately.
Thanks for your anticipated cooperation.
Yours faithfully,
Mr. Smith Gregor.
+233-20-83-000-82 (direct line)