06-28-05 @ 9:26 am EDT

I've come to the conclusion that guys must package Pamprin. No offense to guys, since the majority of you do not package medications, so I'm not talking about the majority of guys. But after last night I really do believe that it is males who package this item.

THAT TIME rolled around again yesterday...maybe why I've been feeling so awful lately, but still, it always seems that awful things tend to happen more often around that time. -_- That's for other entries already written. Anyway, my back was hurting and I FOR ONCE remembered where there was some Pamprin, because it always seems like when I need it it's ALWAYS GONE. Just like batteries. Somewhere in this house must be a huge stash of Pamprin, as well as a huge stash of batteries. Maybe the sock elves take them, angry because I do not wear socks.

Well, I knew there was a new box under the table. So I crawled under and fetched it. (Don't ask why it was under the table...that's the way things are in this house. There is also a bottle of hair conditioner down there, and if I look around long enough I'm bound to find sleeping pills or sinus pills in just about any room.) Pamprin comes in this little blue box. I opened the box, and found the bottle. Oddly, the bottle was only HALF the width of the box, and the box had been divided in two with a partition, and in the other side of the box was...absolutely nothing. Just half a box filled with the bottle, and another...empty...half.

I showed Ma the box. "Take a look," I said. "Finding new and amazing ways to (*dramatic voice*) SACRIFICE THE LIVES OF COUNTLESS INNOCENT TREES!"

"I bet you anything there was supposed to be a sample in there," Ma argued.

I shook my head. "No..." I looked the box over. No special "Free sample!" notices. "The last box I got was just like this. I think they just wanted to (*dramatic voice*) MAKE THE BOX EVEN BIGGER!"

Who knows? It's as good an explanation as any.

Well, I pulled out the bottle and started pressing and twisting at the same time like it says. And the thing wouldn't open. "Why won't it open?! Why do they make them like this?!" I ranted, and pressed harder and finally got it to turn, after a false start. >:/ Now this alone was enough to convince me that MEN must design the Pamprin bottle because trust me, when you are a woman, and you want some Pamprin, YOU DO NOT WANT TO BE STUCK THERE PRESSING AND TWISTING AND PRESSING AND TWISTING TRYING TO GET THE DAMN THING OPEN. What woman in her right mind would design a PMS medication packaged like THAT?? That would be like...waving some meat on a stick in front of an angry pitbull. The design of the bottle top is enough to convince me a man designed it. I fully understand the necessity of childproof caps...but some things just aren't supposed to be messed with, and Pamprin is one of them.

I finally pried the cap off. And here was the little foil covering. I pulled this off and found...a clear little plastic covering. I detached this and found...a wad of cotton.

After the wad of cotton, there was a metal screen, then a padlocked door, and then a hermetic seal, then a lock I had to figure out the combination to, then three feet of concrete, followed by a vacuum-sealed room in which I had to put on a safety suit, and then a flooded mine shaft, and after I navigated that I had to recite the thirty sacred secret incantations of the Book of Gn'lahh, at which an egg appeared, which I had to place in an incubator, until it hatched into a baby dragon, which then spewed out some caplets, which I had to refine using the powers of forbidden alchemy, and then sacrifice a black rooster, and then bury them under a rock for three weeks, after the removal of which I at last secured two Pamprin. And then I took them with tea and got rid of my backache.

So now you see why men must design these bottles, because no woman in her right mind would put another female through something like that, just to get some Pamprin.

...

I took some pictures of a GIGANTIC HORRIFIC TERRIFYING BUG I rescued from the birdbath today, but I can't upload them here, and I'd prefer trying to figure out what it even was first. It was very big and huge and freaky. I wonder if it was a cicada, because they are supposed to be big and huge and freaky, and I've never seen one before. It was just sitting submerged in the birdbath as if it were trying to commit suicide. I don't know if I rescued it or just pissed it off even more. At least it didn't bite. But it was still very big and huge and freaky.

So I guess that's all.