07-24-05 @ 10:36 am EDT

I'm tired and lonely. I wish the people who say all of one time that my writing is so great would show interest in me as a person. I wish they would contact me, and talk with me, more than once or twice. I wish we would carry on dialogues. I wish they would ask me questions and I would answer them, and I would ask them questions and they would answer them. I wish maybe even eventually we would talk about more than just my writing. I wish I could find people who like me for my writing AND for who I am.

I wish they would just talk to me.

I'm tired of being the anonymous nobody behind some stupid writing. -_-

I'm tired of knowing there are these people out there who already like the most important part of me but they don't care for me myself.

I went looking at LJ last night for people with my same writing interests. All but one had over fifty friends and none had any interest to find more.

How come they have all the friends and I have people who I wouldn't even know exist if they hadn't told me just once, then faded away?

I'm grateful that they're out there but there's not enough in one or two comments to sustain my courage for years. Why don't they say more? Why don't they care about me, the writer?

Why can't I have a two-way communication with my readers?

I'd love for them to be my friends. If they showed any interest in me whatsoever.

But it's just the writing they seem to care about.