09-13-05 @ 2:06 am EDT

I sincerely hope that the reason why there have been no comments yet on RTMI:139, the finale, is because those commenting on it are taking some time to get their comments together...though I'm seriously doubting it. -_- I ASKED QUESTIONS at the end of it, and though IMO it's a very small thing to ask in exchange for all the work I put into writing and sharing the story, for free (while I have to pay over $130 just to post it), it seems that writer requests always quickly kill whatever reader response there may be. I've heard on other sites that readers often don't comment indepth because they don't know what the writer's looking for, and that review questions help them speak up, but judging by my past poor luck with surveys (which offered GP rewards and had a lot fewer questions), I don't think this will hold for me.

It's been possibly months since I updated my website version. Only one person's asked where the rest is. I never responded. What of all the people who responded when I begged to know in February if they were out there? Part 130 is such a cliffhanger yet the chapters I wished to know most how I did, nobody ever commented. Where did all those readers go? I recently had someone mail me to compliment my writing (and even asking me to PLEASE RESPOND), and another to beg to know where I had more posted, and I replied to both and never heard back. I'm wondering what the point is in thanking any readers at all? 99% of them never come back, and it's like they don't even see how I end EVERY mail with "Please comment when you wish!" That's my way of BEGGING without being too pushy, in case no one knew. When I say, "Please comment when you wish!" it means, "PLEASE come back and comment again! PLEASE?? Otherwise no one else will!" I don't see how any of them could not believe that I mean it, especially with my bio and notices at the end of every chapter and on each folder.

I also recently had yet another person comment on Part 1 of MI to say they LOVED it, they'd be back IMMEDIATELY to read more. I thanked them but guess what--? Hasn't come back. Ditto with someone who commented on TAC AND has been online since then. I'm considering putting a NEW disclaimer on my items. "Please DO NOT PROMISE to come back and read more!" Because by now whenever someone promises to return the very next day and read more, I KNOW they won't. They should just comment on Part 1 and make no damn promises (even I never promise to read all of anybody's story--I say I'll come back IF and WHEN I can), or not comment at all.

I'd rather have two or three devoted readers who DO come back, than the slew of people who adore Part 1 or 2 and vow to read more but never bother. If these people think this makes me feel better, it in fact just makes me sit and wonder how shitty my writing is, that only one or two chapters can captivate anyone, that my cliffhangers draw no attention, and that people feel they have to promise me they'll come back, just to make me feel better. It makes me sit and think over what a failure I keep proving to be, no matter what anybody says. A great comment full of encouragement comes tomorrow? How do I know it's not empty and will be all I ever hear from that person? Three people long ago gave me such great comments at FPN, when I really needed encouragement, and despite thanking each personally, one offered just a you're welcome and never came back; and the other two, well, they were reading MI and RTMI, and have you seen me make mention of them yet? That's because apparently they are no longer there.

I know people can get fed up and pissed off with me always whining when no one comments (ON MY FICTION--just in case anyone thought I meant my journal), and that I never believe them when they say they'll keep reading; but I've never made any secret of the fact that in order for encouragement to work for me, it has to come more than once. Based on my past experiences with FRIENDS ("I'll write back!"...never hear from them again), why should I believe READERS will always be there, unless they say so now and then? This is just the way it is. Encouragement is good when you get it, but it only lasts so long. When you see an athlete performing, he gets cheered the first time he does well; does everybody then decide to not bother cheering for him the next, third, or twenty-fifth time just because they already cheered once, he knows they're out there so they don't need to cheer him anymore? I've NEVER seen it work this way. So how come when it comes to writing a story--an ONGOING PROCESS, not just a static moment in time--people seem to think that one bit of encouragement is good enough, and they never need speak up again? An athlete or an actor or a musician would get offended if they gave their second, their third, or their twenty-fifth performance--and nobody bothered cheering or clapping. So why is it so "rude" or demanding of a writer if they feel hurt that nobody comments anymore? ESPECIALLY on the very last part.

I'm not asking for brainless cheering and empty praise; that person who commented on TAC maybe twice in fact rated the first part rather average, I believe. But people who REALLY mean it when they promise to return would be very appreciated. Short of putting really bitchy notes on all of my sites and stories though, I can't see how to make it clearer. And whenever I try to make things clearer, I usually just drive off more readers.

I'm torn on how I present myself. I hate sounding so ungrateful for what I DO have. But on the other hand, I really DON'T feel it's TOO MUCH to ask the people who DO have the time to read an entire story to just offer some more feedback, especially in exchange for the YEARS that go into such work, and the money I pay just to DISPLAY it. But on the OTHER hand, I hate the thought that I might be coming across as sounding like I feel like I'm DOING OTHERS A FAVOR by posting my wonderful writing for them for free. -_- If anything--the fact that so few people return to comment again leads me to believe my writing is JUNK and I'd be doing a favor by REMOVING it from the Web! I feel like, yes, I DO deserve more in exchange for the trouble and expense I go to to share it, from those who claim to be following it; but no, I do NOT feel like I am doing anyone a favor or that I am some sort of literary marvel who deserves more. I just feel like, if people are going to step up once to say how good I am then they could at least seem to MEAN it. If an athlete or actor or musician was complimented only once, and then nobody bothered speaking up again, no matter how sincere they were, I'm fairly certain the athlete or actor or musician would not quite believe them. And THEY wouldn't be called selfish or needy for feeling hurt. They're taking THEIR time to entertain others, and they expect equal feedback in exchange. I just thought that was something that could be reasonably expected.