02-16-06 @ 2:18 am EST

The Women's Resource Center was a bust... -_- Once Ma finally managed to get in contact with them. They gave some convoluted story (they can't help us, BTW) about how I would need to go to court first to get my parents appointed my legal guardians just to enable THEM to testify (or whatever) for me before the judge on my behalf...which makes no sense to me. If I were having a lawyer or a therapist present evidence (WHAT evidence, anyway??) on my behalf, would I have to have THEM appointed my legal guardian?? I don't think so...which is why it makes no sense. I just figured they would have to sign something...why would they have to be my legal guardians?

And the thought of applying for a legal guardian galls me because what if that takes something away from my parents, or invalidates my claim or something...? I just have this looming fear that if I appoint them as legal guardians, Social Security will say, "Oh! Well, she has people who provide for her, and now they're her legal guardians. She doesn't need disability. Bye-bye!" -_- I just figured that if I was adrift and on my own, maybe my chances were better...?

I have no idea how any of it works, and it's not like anybody we talk to is providing any real answers. Ma is now looking into LAWYERS! Which we could never afford! This is a very small town and she can't even find anything. Population 5000. We simply don't HAVE big-city resources and stuff which other people can draw on, and even if we did, we can't afford that. On the one hand the booklet says just ask SSI if you can't afford a representative. But then it turns right around and says, "You may need to pay legal expenses..." WHICH WAY IS IT?? I thought there was some kind of recourse for people who aren't working and can't pay, but I'm not seeing it. What is the whole POINT of applying for disability, because you need the money, and then having to PAY to get disability, with the money that you need FROM disability?? Is that all this is, is a big unending mess?

And then I wonder if it would even be worth it if I DID win. Bush is making so many cuts to SSI left and right that even if I were finally accepted, I can imagine getting a letter saying, "Sorry, no money left. Bye!"

Maybe if the dumbass were to cut out the first step with all that f**king paperwork that NOBODY EVEN READS, he could save $billions on PAPER COSTS instead, and wouldn't have to take money away from WIDOWS and DROPOUTS.

It's been about two weeks now (or three??--one week had passed when I posted my last entry, that's how long it took me to stop feeling THAT awful about it), and I have only six to figure this gigantic mess out. I don't even understand a WORD of it. And I'm the one who's supposed to be in charge of all of it, because it's not like I have a REPRESENTATIVE or WITNESSES or anything.

Or evidence. Or ANYTHING. -_-

/O.UPG.KAPX.WS.A.0004.060216T0500Z-060217T1000Z/
/O.NEW.KAPX.WS.W.0003.060216T1700Z-060217T2300Z/
EMMET-CHEBOYGAN-PRESQUE ISLE-CHARLEVOIX-
INCLUDING THE CITIES OF...PETOSKEY...CHEBOYGAN...ROGERS CITY...
CHARLEVOIX
442 PM EST WED FEB 15 2006

...WINTER STORM WARNING IN EFFECT FROM 12 PM THURSDAY TO 6 PM EST
FRIDAY...

THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE IN GAYLORD HAS ISSUED A WINTER STORM
WARNING...WHICH IS IN EFFECT FROM 12 PM THURSDAY TO 6 PM EST
FRIDAY. THE WINTER STORM WATCH IS NO LONGER IN EFFECT.

SNOW IS EXPECTED TO DEVELOP ACROSS FAR NORTHERN LOWER MICHIGAN
LATE TONIGHT THEN BECOME HEAVY AT TIMES THURSDAY AFTERNOON AND
AND THURSDAY NIGHT. WINDS WILL INCREASE THURSDAY AFTERNOON THROUGH
FRIDAY CREATING EXTENSIVE BLOWING AND DRIFTING SNOW...AND PRODUCE NEAR
BLIZZARD CONDITIONS. THERE IS THE POTENTIAL FOR TOTAL SNOW
ACCUMULATIONS OF A FOOT OR MORE BY FRIDAY.

A WINTER STORM WARNING MEANS SEVERE WINTER WEATHER IS EXPECTED OR
OCCURRING. STRONG WINDS ARE ALSO POSSIBLE. THIS WILL MAKE TRAVEL
VERY HAZARDOUS.

Just in case I'm not around for a while, although it's never noticeable if I'm not.

I wish I were smarter. Then again, I just wish I were normal, then I wouldn't need to try to figure anything out; I would be fine and not need any help at all. -_-