09-11-06 @ 8:04 am EDT

I'm kind of feeling like writing again. I hope that's a good thing. I haven't written in quite a while since I'm still taking notes, and I hope it's best for me to keep holding off until I'm done doing so. Not only so I can have it back on track, but because maybe I've been needing a break from this for a while. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder. I'm hoping I can enjoy writing more and get back into it by keeping myself away from it for a while, though I'm not sure, it could always backfire.

I'm currently on Part 120/155 as far as taking notes goes and keep coming across scenes I don't remember writing. Nothing terribly serious in terms of plotholes yet, I don't think. Just minor details I should have noticed. At least I hope I'm finding everything I should. And that once I'm done, I can finally clarify where the story has to go next.

I'm currently going back through older entries on the LJ version of Skew to add "moods" to each one (I like the little hamsters) and have noticed that I seem to have gone through the exact same thing with RTMI and likely also with MI. Points where I got absolutely stuck and had no idea what to do next, and points where I was so confused with all the directions the story was taking that I had no idea how to sort them all out. I'm kind of surprised because while I know it was frustrating and hard to write them, I don't remember such difficulties. The story I'm currently working on always seems to be the hardest one and everything before that seems like it was relatively easy. But judging from my old entries I was just as frustrated, many times. Maybe that means this too will pass, though I can't be sure. The first story was 110 chapters, the second 139, and the current one is at 155 and going; they seem to get more and more complex and convoluted all the time. Should there be a fourth one I hope it doesn't run as long, but who knows, it isn't like it matters much.

I'm also seeing my spiral into depression, in reverse. It's sad to look at, especially since I'm not really out of it yet and doubt I ever will be.

I guess Spider Mother is gone. :( She disappeared from the mailbox a few days ago. Maybe because the weather's turned colder; our furnace has already started running again. I miss her; she was there one day and then gone, leaving her egg cases behind. I wish she would come back...

I had to decapitate a snake the other day. -_- I found a large garter snake struck by a car in the road...I didn't like the thought of it getting run over repeatedly, so picked it up by the tail and placed it under my pine tree...I thought I felt its tail moving in my fingers though, and looked at it lying on the ground and saw that the tip of its tail was in fact slowly moving from side to side. :( It was most likely just nerves but I couldn't bear the thought of just leaving it like that so I got the old spade from the garage and apologized to it and brought the tip down on its neck...it didn't completely sever like I thought it would... -_- ...I had to do it a few times still without complete success, but I guess it was as dead as it could be, and I then covered it with leaves because the soil was so hard around the tree. Poor snake. I hope it didn't suffer. I wish I could have buried it better. -_-

I'm feeling depressed and lonely again a lot lately...I'm not even fully sure why. I just wish my life had some meaning. I'm tired of being here for no apparent reason.

I'm still uploading my Mackinac Island photos to Yahoo!...there are 360 of them and I'm almost halfway through but not quite. That's how long it takes. I'm going to have to post them into two albums just to fit. That's why I haven't been around DA or anything.