11-06-06 @ 7:49 am EST

Well...I'm typing this offline so I can't remember where I left off. November first? In any case since I delayed writing this, I've forgotten a lot, not that there's much to remember anyway. I can't recall Thursday unless that's the day we went to Hobby Lobby. Friday it was again really cold and I didn't really feel like going to see any landmarks so I guess anything else will just have to wait for another year. *sigh* I did want to go see if they had any other bookstores or music stores and Eric suggested McKay's, a really big used books and CDs store, so we went. It was not far from a thrift shop but by the time we were done in McKay's we didn't feel like going there either.

McKay's was HUGE. It was like wandering around in a library! And it was CROWDED. >_< Lots of people carrying huge armfuls of books to buy. There was a buttload of books about ancient Egypt but I got just two, and a book about Indians; do wish they'd had more about the Indian tribes I'm interested in. :/ How come I can't find nice pre-/early contact books about the Iroquois?? I didn't browse as thoroughly as I could have because it was so overwhelming. I did go into the CD section though and bought like six of them. Could have gotten more but didn't feel like it. It was cheap there, too. I was originally going to get like three or four CDs until I discovered how much they added up to. One of them, Peter Buffett's Spirit Dance, has a few really good songs on it that are favorites already.

I guess it was just as well that I didn't feel like sightseeing because something went wrong with our camera chip. -_- Somehow the last sixty or so pictures are GONE now, for no reason! The end of my Rock City trip and everything after--the family dinner and Halloween. I don't even know what happened! All that I did with the damn thing was put it in my brother's card reader. I asked him if he's ever had any trouble with that and he said no. That is ALL I did. His computer screwed up when I stuck it in there again, but that was AFTER the pictures went missing--because I had turned on the camera to see what the last image was, had seen that it was the wrong one, and THAT was when I put it back in his card reader to see what was going on. So something went wrong between the time I finished uploading my pictures on Shannon's computer and when I turned on the camera the day after trying out the card (chip) in Eric's card reader. I don't recall looking at ALL the pictures the first time I put it in the reader, so I can't say if they were there or not. But now a batch of them are gone and I don't know why, and it's really upset me.

The good news: The pictures were all uploaded to Yahoo! The bad news: They're now downsized and virtually useless to me to use, and the only way I could gain access to the fullsize versions would be to subscribe to Yahoo! SBC, a broadband service. Oh, I'd be willing to shell out $15 for a month of that but we already HAVE an ISP! I thought I could get the pictures back by subscribing to Yahoo! Photos, but NO, I'd have to subscribe to their f**king ISP service! The trip was okay until this happened. I'm so pissed off and upset. -_- I didn't take any more pictures after that although there were meant to be more; sorry. I was just too upset to bother. Brand new camera, brand new chip, and this crap STILL happens for no discernible (sic?) reason. This just pisses me off beyond measure. I was careful with it and everything!

So that pretty much ruined my mood for the rest of the day and the next. We again went to dinner at Shannon's parents' house, and fortunately there was no talk of gays and nobody seemed to be holding it against me, but I was still in a poor mood. We had spaghetti; it was OKAY, but I've never been a huge spaghetti fan, plus it had onions and mushrooms in it. >_< I couldn't eat all my serving but even Eric couldn't eat all of his either. I fed my two remaining meatballs to the bigger dog who was prowling around the table, which was a bit of a mistake, as she then kept butting her head under my elbow in the hopes of getting more, which I didn't have. I'm sure she and the hyper puppy (the photos of whom I lost -_- ) got more than enough though.

I can't remember what day it was but there was one day in here when Rayne was just a TOTAL nightmare. Even Shannon told her she should go back to bed and get up again on the right side because she was just CRYING and whining and acting out ALL DAY. I never knew that a three year old could understand and use words like "frustrated," but she did. Even she didn't seem to know what the hell was wrong with her. Anyway, that seemed to mostly be over with after a day, though she did still get terribly whiny at times.

After dinner Shannon's brother and some unidentified women showed up briefly (everyone questioned each other about themselves, Ma and Eric and Shannon's brother etc., but nobody had a word to say to me, of course, I guess I just look boring), and Rayne went out to find Tiny and drag her inside for me to cuddle; Tiny tolerated it, and purred just as before, though I could tell she would have preferred being back outside. I'd spotted Oreo outside but the other cats, chickens, and guinea fowl were absent. (I believe the big dog's name, BTW, is Gabby, and the hyper puppy's name is Cheyenne. The mother cat I think is named Sassy but I have no clue as to the rest. Oreo and Tiny both have oddly mutilated tails; they were found that way after being abandoned. I just realized this is really weird that I know so much about the animals of the house but have no clue about most of the humans within it. o_o; ) Cheyenne and Tiny and I sat on the couch and Cheyenne kept giving me really sad eyes so I had to try petting both her and Tiny at the same time. Cheyenne seemed kind of depressed; maybe she was feeling neglected. Or maybe it's just the fact that dogs naturally have sad eyes. Anyway, Rayne and Cheyenne both insisted on mauling Tiny every chance they got, though I could tell Tiny didn't really care for this; I mean, she's just a bitty little thing, and how many kittens honestly like being mauled? Later on Shannon's mother said that animals can tell when somebody has a "good heart," and that even Tiny was acting toward me unlike the way she acts toward others. "She'll let Rayne and I hold her for a little bit," she said, "but she was letting you hold her for a long time. Animals can tell these things."

I found it kind of strange to hear this coming from her. :/ She already knows my stance on gay rights, even if not the why of how I feel; for all she knows I'M gay. (Just to clarify, to my knowledge at least, I'm not. I've never been in love, though. *shrug*) But she then says I have a "good heart." It seems kind of contradictory. I realize that she just like me and other people can have contradictory thoughts, I just found it kind of strange. How many people, truly, would still consider me a good person if they knew EVERYTHING about me? If people knew even half of what goes through my mind on even a regular day they'd likely start hating me pretty fast. Being good with an animal doesn't mean one is necessarily a good person overall. I bet there are some serial killers who are really good with animals but still like killing people for the fun of it...

Well...sorry about that strange aside. Anyway. Where was I? I was getting really tired and even Eric was zonked out out on the floor, and Gabby in the chair, so FINALLY it was time to leave. Shannon's mother had some buckeyes and said they brought good luck so I took one and slipped it in my pocket in the stupid almost-pagan hope that maybe it would help me with the missing photos, but no such luck. -_- We had to take two different vehicles, as Shannon was borrowing her mother's car for the drive to Knoxville the next day, and this upset Rayne. You see, she gets REALLY whiny (sorry that I can't think of a better term, I kind of know how she feels, just not on the same subjects!) when separated from certain things. For example, she didn't want to leave her grandparents; that made her cry. She doesn't want to leave her parents; that makes her cry. She doesn't want to leave her doll Cry Baby in the car; that makes her cry. She has this sort of separation anxiety thing going on. I can't blame her, but it does get kind of annoying. As we drove home she mewled, "I hope Daddy's all right driving home all alone," at which Shannon exclaimed, "Rayne, I don't want to hear you whining like that about EVERY SINGLE LITTLE THING!" (Don't get Shannon wrong; she wasn't telling Rayne not to express herself, just not to express herself in that whiny mewling voice. Rayne seems to understand this too because she corrects herself when she's in the mood.) It ended up being a little funny because near the end of the ride Ma and Shannon were getting Rayne to sing some Christian songs and Rayne said she didn't want to sing "Hallelujah," but as soon as we pulled into the driveway and she saw Eric's truck, she cried, "Daddy's home! Hallelujah Hallelujah!"

Dad called us as Ma forgot to call him like she'd promised, and I asked him how Coz was ("He's black and white, and about ten pounds" _-_ ), but didn't talk long because I can barely hear anything on that phone plus it makes people sound like they have hideous head colds. I didn't have trouble sleeping Friday night and in fact woke up a little earlier than I'd set my alarm for, as we had to get up early so we could make the two-hour drive to Knoxville. We were going to eat at Hardee's but they were HORRENDOUSLY backed up so we went to Chick-Fil-A (took me forever to figure out how to pronounce that name, BTW, I kept calling it "Chick-Fillah" in my head and couldn't understand what that meant). They had weird cow signs there that said things such as "Beef: A Social Fo Pah" (which I at first misread as "Beef A Social Phobia"). (Hm. Just Wikipedia'd Chick-Fil-A and maybe we shouldn't have eaten there. They support Focus On The Family which I think is an anti-gay group but I'm not sure. Damn connections.) I dozed on the way to Knoxville itself so the ride went by kind of fast. We were also delayed by slow traffic caused by some sort of game, football or something. *she says in utter ignorance, because of course she hates sports* The Knoxville airport was really nice and had these big fountains of water spilling past boulders and such; I tossed a penny into one but didn't waste the wish on getting back my missing pictures this time. -_- I just wished for what I always wish for, more self-confidence. *sigh* Not that I go around tossing pennies that much anymore either. I just saw all the coins sitting in there and figured, why not. Would have taken pictures of the nice fountains if the stupid chip hadn't acted up...

At parting, Ma and Shannon cried, though I didn't see Rayne do so; maybe she broke down after we left. When Shannon came to hug me she said, "I know you're not a hugging person but I'm going to do it anyway!" I later on asked Ma if she'd told her that I hate hugs; she said no. So you see? Even though I tolerate people's hugs, it's pretty obvious that I can barely stand them. It must be my body language. :/ I was kind of puzzled over Ma crying so much, but I guess some people do that. I was just happy to be on the way home, and still angry about the stupid camera chip. We passed through security, again having to remove our shoes and stuff (dumb voices over the PA informing us every few minutes that the terror threat level is now at ORANGE!!--like that's supposed to mean anything to Joe Anybody), and went on our way. Ma kept trying to see if Eric and Shannon were still waving at us but they were by now out of sight.

I again ended up dozing off on the plane, then we reached Chicago again. This time for a THREE-HOUR WAIT. _-_ UGH awful. We got to sit in O'Hare and watch as it grew dark outside. I hoped that maybe Ma hadn't taken the time change into account but she had. *sigh* I was listening to a Yanni CD (stop laughing, it's his Tribute album and you can barely hear the Yanniness) when Ma started niggling at me to get ready, but I delayed because we still had time left. She finally got on my nerves (she was in a really pissy mood this day for some reason) and I took the headphones off and got up to go to the bathroom JUST as the announcer said our plane was now boarding. In my own defense, they WERE boarding early. I went to the bathroom and came back to find that Ma had shoved the CD player, still on pause, in my carryon. *rolls eyes* I had to turn it off. I'd placed in there a sandwich that she'd bought but couldn't eat all of, and she didn't want them to see that I was carrying it. Big whoop! It's not like I was going to whip it out on the plane, cripes. I was the one who lost my pictures and she was the one in the snitty mood for some reason. :/ I know she was leaving Eric and all, but still. It's not like he never calls or e-mails.

On the plane she made the mistake of ordering a tomato juice, which just made her feel sicker. I'd been intending to doze or read but the view out the window caught my attention and held it the rest of the flight. It was of course nighttime now, and once we took off, first there were all the lights of Chicago to see, and then when we got above the clouds...it was gorgeous. There was a full or almost-full moon out and the cloud cover from above looked like a mattress that went on forever or, better yet, a softly undulating white plain. Even better than THAT, we were apparently flying over Lake Michigan, because I saw the moon BELOW us! It was casting a steady reflection on some shiny surface through the breaks in the clouds and it looked just like there was a bright clear moon overhead and a hazy misty moon following along below. So strange. When the cloud cover obscured the reflection I just looked at the endless white plain. I imagined cloud manitous and thunderbirds flying over this surface and thought up a few images for my next story. Don't know if they'll make it, not that anyone's reading anyway, but it was beautiful to look at at least. Would have tried taking PICTURES if the stupid-ass thing hadn't been acting up but it's not like they would have turned out as it was. Oh well. Strangely, there were only very few stars visible up here.

At last more lights began to come into view and I could tell we were descending as we passed down through the clouds. We got lower and lower and I saw great dark patches of what must have been forest, the lights of what must have been Traverse City, and a band of water and then another band of land that must have been the Leelanau Peninsula. We flew low over roads and I saw storefronts decorated with Christmas lights, then before I knew it we were landing. Dad was waiting for us inside, seated in a little seating area with a vending machine, and after going to the bathroom we left. We stopped at the same roadside rest stop that we used on our summer trip to the mall, and on the way to the airport in October (it was just utterly creepy there at night, outdoor bathrooms are creepy enough as it is, they hardly need any help!!), but still Ma made us stop again in Indian River so she could use the bathroom at a gas station, the tomato juice was acting on her so. When we finally reached home around eleven at night, I got the mail (my lawyer has tried contacting the state TWICE to ask for my state disability records and they haven't replied to him!--he wants me to tell him the details, I don't even know them myself--why won't they reply to him??--what is with these morons??--plus I never DID get that letter from SSI telling me I'd been turned down!), and went inside. As soon as I saw Cosmas peeping around the hall corner I cried, "KITTY!!"--then I blinked and he was gone. ^_^; He was of course very confused and squirmy when I grabbed him and hugged and hugged him and talked all weird but as the night wore on he grew used to it and now everything is back to normal so it's okay. He liked the toys I got him and promptly ripped a feather off of the bouncy stick thing. x_x Cheap craftsmanship...

I FINALLY took a bath that morning (I'm sorry but I just CANNOT take a bath in someone else's house!--I felt so SKEEVY there!) and washed all the Rayne and Magni and other taint off of me--so good to be home! Coz cried the whole time and I thought he wanted in to see me when it turns out he was THIRSTY. The cup he drinks from, the cup we keep water in for the iron, was bone dry so I refilled it. (He has a bowl in the tub but I'd emptied it when I went in because I assumed he wasn't drinking from it anymore! I just figured Dad had been watering him from the cup.) I went to check on the porch and the feeding pan was lying in the leaves, half covered with them, so I wondered if Dad had been feeding the birds at all. :( He later said that he had been, though I guess he wasn't using the pan. I cleaned it off and put out fresh food for the birds and such. Then went online, our slow-ass dialup connection, but was too exhausted to bother typing up this entry or anything else. So just caught up on two weeks of eBay and browsed before logging off.

It was so good to sleep in my own bed on a REAL mattress again! And not have to cram my head in a tiny little sink with someone else's germs all over it to wash my hair! And to cuddle my own cat, and not have a toddler crawling around on me and getting toddler germs all over me and my stuff. >_< URGH I hated when she did that. Toddlers have no understanding of boundaries! At least now I can have my own little invisible boundary around me and nobody is allowed to violate it but my cat, and with him I don't mind because he doesn't skeeve me out like everyone else does. I'm sorry that it sounds rude, but people really skeeve me out.

Shannon called on Sunday to see how we were, and Ma later said that Rayne had told me thank you for telling her the story of Hansel and Gretel. (She'd spotted my photo of the Hansel and Gretel display at Rock City--now probably MISSING--and wanted to know what it was about, so I had to tell her...and again...and again...and AGAIN...I must have told her the story of Hansel and Gretel a dozen times, she tried hitting me up for more stories but I told her I didn't know any. *says the person who writes hundreds of chapters of stories all the time* She's the kind of kid who, after hearing a story like that, starts up with, "Why did the stepmother hate the kids? Why does the witch eat children? How did she catch them? How did they get out of the woods...?" etc. etc. ETC.! I'm sorry but the story doesn't SAY why the witch likes eating little kids! >_< ) Somebody REALLY needs to find her a nice big illustrated book of fairytales. I always felt kind of uneasy telling a three year old about a nasty witch wanting to eat children, though; I have my own two-volume unexpurgated versions of fairytales but IMO the Brothers Grimm hardly make for good kiddie stories. I doubt that Rayne, being the Cinderella freak that she is, would enjoy hearing how Cindy's sisters cut off their own heels and toes trying to fit those shoes on in the old version of the story. :/

Where was I...?

I guess that was about it. :/ I'm still very sore about losing those pictures. And about Yahoo!'s stupid-ass policy. One shouldn't have to subscribe to an ISP SERVICE just to get their stupid pictures back. -_- I wish I could use a camera without being afraid of LOSING everything all the time.

And now I have catching up to do e-mailwise but this entry took up my morning. So...

Still doing some drawings. I did a Black Elk Horn but he just looks wrong. Maybe I'll try him again with a full head of hair in a braid; he just doesn't seem right with a shaved head. I guess I'll find out. I did child Kenu and teenage Kenu and some others. I'm going to completely make over my sketchbook album on WDC, though they'll also be going up at DA; I'd just like to have my better character sketches on the writing site too. I've deleted all my pictures of the pseudo-dichroic pendants I made; that album got all of like 40 hits since I created it in June, I guess people don't care about homemade jewelry the way they do about carved walking sticks. *sigh*