11-29-06 @ 6:56 am EST

All right, so yesterday I was sitting in the living room trying to read, and Cosmas was curled up on a different chair from usual, trying to sleep, but there was this TREMENDOUS racket going on upstairs. I mean, cripes, it was like furniture being moved and stuff being thrown around and circus performances...AGGHH!! I tried ignoring it, but it was just SO LOUD that it was driving me nuts. I'm used to there being attic noises because our house has rodents. But this was just ridiculous.

Fed up, I went to the stairwell and opened the door to take a listen. These noises were NOT coming from the attic. o_o They were coming from THE UPSTAIRS BEDROOMS! We use them only for storage now, but--whatever this was, it was no longer confined to the attic like I thought it was!

I went storming upstairs. There was all this rustling of papers--MY papers?--and thumping and scampering noises. Dammit! I halted on the landing between the two rooms and glanced into the left one, which is where Ma stores most of her stuff. The noises were very distinct. Something was in there.

I flicked on the light and started yelling. "All right! I know you're in here! There's no reason to be making all that frigging NOISE!" I stomped into the room and started rattling at things--there are shelves covered with junk, a rolled-up carpet, an old computer, a bedspring, all sorts of junk with just a little narrow walkway wide enough for one person to step into--I began thumping my hand on the shelves and stuff, trying to scare off whatever was making all the noise. "Cut it out! There's no reason for so much noise! Knock it off!!"

I heard SOMETHING go scurrying toward the corner. Immediately little red heads began popping up in various locations. O_O !!! There were at least two RED SQUIRRELS crashing in our upstairs rooms!! Wild red squirrels!! Now, I saw at least FOUR of them frolicking in our garage recently and thought, aw, that's cute, littermates, that was fine. And I heard noises in the attic too big to be a mouse and thought, aw, a squirrel family in our attic, that's okay. But taking over the UPSTAIRS?! We have a frigging family of SQUIRRELS taking over our upstairs. Madness!

I wouldn't mind so much if I knew they weren't probably chewing up my stuff, and if they weren't so DAMN NOISY!! I mean, seriously! What the hell were they DOING up there?!

(Cue Dad's answer much later on: "It's too cold outside, you know they have to come into the house to play!")

I saw first one red head pop up, then another. My jaw must have hit the floor. Immediately I started yelling at the top of my lungs and shoving at all the junk around me, chasing them around (at least, attempting to, since there's not really room to "chase" anything), trying to flush them back into the attic. Every so often a head would pop up and then disappear again, like a live game of Whack-A-Mole. "YOU DON'T BELONG UP HERE! YOU BELONG IN THE ATTIC!" I yelled, shoving at things and hitting things as the squirrels bolted frantically around the room. "AND THERE'S NO POINT IN MAKING ALL THAT NOISE! WHAT IS YOUR FRIGGING PROBLEM?! IT'S FINE WHEN YOU'RE IN THE GARAGE AND THE ATTIC BUT THIS IS OUR HOUSE! YOU'D BETTER NOT BE CHEWING UP MY PAPERS!"

One of the squirrels, unseen, began scrambling back in the opposite direction. "DON'T YOU KNOW WHERE THE ATTIC IS?!" I screamed at it as it went. "YOU FOUND YOUR WAY IN, NOW FIND YOUR WAY BACK OUT!! YOU NEED TO LEARN YOUR PLACE AND IT'S IN THE ATTIC!!" I shook violently at the desk standing beside the entry to the landing.

The squirrel promptly popped out and made a mad leap for the stairwell. I thought for sure it was going to make it downstairs! Or else one of them would jump on me and give me rabies or something! It's like it disappeared, though, and then I heard it scampering wildly into the other room--the room with MY stuff stored in it! >_<;;; I started picking up little objects and hurling them into the room, flicking on another light. "YOU'D BETTER NOT CHEW UP MY PAPERS!!" I screamed, then started alternating between the two rooms. "I FEED YOU EVERY DAY! AND THIS IS THE WAY YOU REPAY ME! LEARN YOUR PLACE AND KEEP TO THE ATTIC OR GARAGE! AND LEAVE THE UPSTAIRS ALONE!" I paused. "AND STOP MAKING NOISES!!"

I fell silent and listened now. No more scurrying noises. No more rustling or thumping. I waited for a moment, groused, "The NERVE!" and then went back downstairs. Coz had vacated his bed and was now seated by the window nearest the stairwell, giving me a very wide-eyed look. For all he knew I just went upstairs and started randomly yelling for no real reason. Usually he tries getting upstairs when we go up, but I guess all the racket convinced him not to bother.

Well, I sat back down to read again, fully expecting them to start their noise a mere moment or so later. Rodents seem to have short memories and it's been my experience that they don't scare off for long. But the time drew out longer and longer and...no noise. I actually...started missing them. :/ Had I scared them out of the house for good? I really hadn't meant to...I just don't want them eating my stuff, or making such a racket! There's NO excuse for such little animals to make such awful noise. But the time went on and on and nope, no more noise. Now I started to get suspicious. >:/ What were they up to up there?? I got up and went to the stairwell and put my ear to the door.

After a moment I heard a rustle of paper, and a tiny squeak. >_<

I yanked the door open and yelled, "I HEARD THAT! WHAT DID I JUST TELL YOU? YOU'D BETTER NOT START AGAIN!!"

Silence answered me, so I went back to my reading. Well, at least I know I didn't scare them off permanently.

A little while later I heard a chittering noise start up, the noise red squirrels make when cussing each other out. I looked out on the porch, but no, it was coming from upstairs again. >:/ I opened the door and shouted up the stairs, "I HEAR that! You think I can't hear that? I KNOW you're up there! You'd better not start it again!"

I listened. No response. I shut the door and went back to my reading...no more noises until I went to bed. When I got up later I asked Dad if they'd been making noise, he said no. They have yet to start up again but it's not daybreak just yet, so...