05-25-07 @ 8:27 am EDT

All right, I've felt phobic lately of reading e-mails, replying to people, and of even writing in my own journal, because there are people I owe e-mails/replies to. After a long enough time of putting this off, I get to believing that the people in question either hate me or wouldn't care to hear from me again. In some cases, at least, that might not be true, so this is the entry for me to find out.

If there's ANYBODY who reads this or else is familiar with me from elsewhere and staggers across this by accident, and wishes for a reply, then just e-mail me. Like we're just getting acquainted. I have a lot of "baggage" with people in that I've let their comments to me accumulate, and I forget what's happening and what's what, and it gets all scattered in my mind and makes me feel awful because I'm so forgetful. And with some people, I'm honestly not sure what they want me to say to them or not, what holds top priority in THEIR mind.

So...even if we've corresponded before and you said stuff, and I know you already, if you want to keep in touch with me just e-mail me, and bring up a subject you'd like to discuss, like we're just getting to know each other. Sure we already know each other by username and a few random facts, maybe more with some people than with others, but I wish to start afresh. Without so much baggage that makes me feel so bad.

This isn't a ploy for notes, or for sympathy mails; I just want to try to set things right with the people I've neglected, and try to find a way to stop feeling so avoidant of everything and everybody, including people who seem to mean nothing but nice things.

Shorter mails are okay, because I'm learning that longer mails take longer to reply to, and longer mails are harder for other people to read too. I used to be a long-mail person, but maybe that's part of the very reason why I've lost touch with so many people--they didn't like it, and I couldn't get myself up to it.

This offer is open to ANYBODY who's ever contacted me AND wanted to correspond, though there are a few people out there who I probably wouldn't reply to. I guess they'd find out if they got a reply or not. Otherwise, I'm not sure how long it'll take me to reply, and I hate saying that :( though I HOPE I can make myself become more consistent. It's only what I wanted from other people, myself.

So...hello, I'm Tehuti, I'm 30 and live in northern Michigan. I write fantasy/mythology fiction, mainly serials, and that takes up the bulk of my thoughts though I try not to force it on others--though I'm always eager for the chance to talk with anyone sincerely interested in it. I haven't been writing lately, but I've been trying my hand at art, especially drawing my characters, and people also tell me that my photography is nice. I love to visit Mackinac Island and walk around. And I also love forests. Ojibwa and Egyptian mythology really interest me, and I especially like Manabozho, Mishupishu, Anubis, and Upuat. I have a silly cat named Cosmas and a small hamster which I barely ever see, and I live with my parents. I have very bad social anxiety and am currently in therapy because of it; progress is still iffy. I hang out a lot on Writing.com and DeviantArt, going by the usernames tehuti or tehuti_88 all over the Web. I also like to read, and am good with spelling and grammar and such. I'm really shy, and often unreliable with replies, though I don't mean to be. I'm leery of making friends due to some bad experiences online and off but for some reason I keep trying. I'm also prone to bouts of depression or impatience at times. I'm sensitive about my writing, but am learning to take criticism better as long as it's tactful and honest (not sarcastic). My life's goal is to entertain people with my work, which is why my writing is so important to me. I often have trouble starting/continuing discussions with other people, as I have little social experience and am very self-focused, but I try. Nice to meet you.

So...there's my offer, take it, or leave it, or whatever. You can reach me at social_phobe@yahoo.com. Put something relevant in the subject else I might think it's Spam, I'm getting a lot of that lately. o_o

...

Update on the therapy situation and stuff, on Monday (?) I met with Gretchen, Overcaffeinated Caseworker, to renew my application for whatever money that is the state gives me, I never remember the name, it's a little over $260 a month, and Medicaid; I guess I have to fill out the same forms yearly. I have no reason to believe I'll get turned down, since they accepted me so quickly last time, but I still worry. :( Cross your fingers; that Bridge Card (the ATM card I get the money with) isn't much, but it really has helped. On the medication front, I still notice no real difference, and this time I'm going to run out of Lexapro early due to THEIR fault because they forgot to call it in when we reminded them after my last appointment. So it's not MY fault this time. I at last got the appointment reminder in the mail, it has a different doctor's name on it, I guess Dr. K. isn't available this time. Hm. Just one more doctor name to remember when filling out the stupid forms. >_<

I haven't heard from Lawyer in a long time. :( Do lawyers drop cases if they don't hear from their clients for a long time? Because last I knew, he mailed us to ask if he had ALL my medical records yet, and I don't HAVE medical records, and even though I nagged at Ma she wouldn't call him, so we haven't heard anything yet and I'm worried that he thinks we've given up. Ugh, this is all so tedious.

My colored pencil skills seem to be improving a bit. I thought coloring in full and hard was the way, but coloring in lighter seems to work well too. I might try my hand at watercolor sometime, though it will probably suck.

It was in the eighties yesterday, now it's back in the fifties. :/ Fooey.

Well, I probably had more but this is long enough. BTW, people who AREN'T interested in corresponding/e-mailing are welcome to leave notes too, I just want to square things (is that the right term?--settle things, then) with the people who DO. I really hate how terrible an acquaintance I've been.

I was supposed to meet Psychologist near the end of this month but it was cancelled AGAIN and moved to Damien's birthday. :/ Sheesh. Next time I think we should schedule an appointment, then immediately reschedule it for a week later, just to save time and paper.